Losing Grace
by Ryukansen
Summary: And at those times he forgot what the real taste of perfection was like. And that maybe, in this discouraging world he could find hope and light from one of the most unexpected people. USxUK, AU, Multiple Pairings
1. Parallels

**Losing Grace**

**By **_**Ryukansen**_

**Chapter One: **Parallels

The neon lights slowly fade in as the jocund crowd of native people sluggishly move into the already packed auditorium. He fidgets in his burgundy seat as he tries to calm his nerves down. It was one of these sudden interviews, that Arthur Kirkland, hated the most - and even more so he detested the host. He wished that man to _burn _alive. The said, hated figure was a mediocre Frenchman who's hobby was to ruin pop idol's lives (mainly his), in an instant with gossips from unreliable sources originating from paparazzi and fans. Arthur could hardly believe why he was here. Who said he had to face the whole of England in that lunatic's television show because of a simple misunderstanding? It was all that Francis' fault he blames with following curses. Although his manager did force him to explain himself in the show as well...

"Relax, Arthur-san." Kiku replies encouragingly from behind the stage. The young Japanese was wearing one of those wacky headsets again, speaking in a low profile voice as the audience settled themselves down with much excitement. He mouths a few more words, but Arthur's irritated and wandering mind can not focus to apprehend them. Another manager, probably that idiotic Francis', had given him a glass of water while eyeing him with an eye of fancy - probably, no doubt, amused by the gossips that had circulated not too long ago around him. The young woman smiled, (however true it may seemed) and left immediately without any other word as she traveled to where Kiku had arranged himself - right behind that twat who had seated himself with such "noble" fashion in front of him.

"Let us begin, shall we?" The gruff, blonde replied with a raspy voice as he took a swig of wine placed at the right side of his cherry-brown table. The Frenchman makes a wink before any protests could ensue from the British actor as the lights at this point begun to filter the whole room with dazzling blends of purple and blues. Arthur could feel his stomach tighten as all eyes were fixed on the two idols. Especially at him.

"_Bienvenue_!" The git had started with a proud smirk wiped on his disgusting, eerie face. If England had to stay here any longer he would vomit on that repulsive man, not caring if it would be on the front page news of London Times, not at all. "Let us welcome our guest, Mr. Arthur Kirkland - famous actor of the widely known drama series, _Glisten_!" His accent was furthering annoying the said artist who was clenching hard on the satin gloves he had just removed out of sheer pressure.

But, no - he would not show how much sweat he was shedding because of the nerve wracking moment, instead he remained composed while skillfully wiping away rising perspiration. Although Francis, himself, could immediately tell how nervous the Briton was compared to the audience... "So, the world has been hearing much racket from you lately Mr. Kirkland." Francis plays with his satin tie as he thrusts his right leg out on top of his desk, dirtying the furniture. "Explain to us about your recent brawl with your "friend," He replies in a sarcastic tone further irritating the unwell actor, "Rodrich Edelstein."

"We _never_ got into a stupid fight." Was his immediate response earning a few chuckles and mumbles from the audience. Francis allowed another one of his goofy smiles to make an appearance as he snickers to himself, but immediately restrains himself from speaking rather inappropriate jokes. "Really? Well, let's take a look at this scene, shall we?" He smirks earning a shocked expression from the Brit who was now biting his lower lip in fear.

The video was on screen and the camera was focused on two shady figures moving rather intensely in the bar; the men drinking rather a fast amount of alcohol as they make peace by humming a few songs. Francis continued to eye at Arthur who was amazed at himself on the screen, eying his every movement with suspicion as he leaned forward to take a better look at his drunken nature.

The video would have begun or continued, if it were not the Brit punching Francis square on the nose while storming out in complete anger.

The first thing he was going to do, he told himself in fury, was drown himself in more alcohol after having punched that bloody git in the face. He swore, he should have punched that man in a different more deserving area, but he had (luckily) withstood the anger welling up inside of him and had gone with whacking that brainless twat rather than castrating him.

"That son of a bitch." He muttered darkly taking out silver keys to a Mclaren F1, as he attempts to make his getaway from the urban area.

"Arthur-san!" Kiku's voice was stern but worried, and he had to turn around to find his manager in a contemplative mode - ready to spit fits at him despite his calm demeanor. "What were you thinking?" The man was able to muster while holding onto his breath and getting in his car, worried that maybe more paparazzi would come and make more needless drama from his actor's wrongdoings.

"Nothing. I had nothing in mind." The Brit gritted his teeth making a full speed getaway avoiding anymore cameras for the rest of the day.

"Exactly why you shouldn't have done that." His manager replied solemnly while checking his clipboard hammered with so much events Arthur needed to attend to. "You understand that you might have jeopardized your meeting with Feliciano Vargas, right?" He replied while gazing hard at the next bolded event. "You know, the Italian talk show?" The Japanese murmured while earning more ignorant responses from the spoiled man.

"Yes, yes I know. I'll contact him as soon as possible - after I get my drink." Was his quick response.

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"_Mr. Kirkland, or can I call you Arthur?" Replies the young Italian who was seated at the left side of the screen taking a small drink of iced lemon tea and humming annoyingly while ignoring the other man's response. "The news regarding you and Francis Bonnefoy, it's just another one of those random skirmishes, ne?" The Italian smiled after taking his sip and relaxed himself in a reclining beige chair._

"_Y-Yes, as a matter of fact Francis and I are," He coughs a little while staring with mocking eyes at the television viewers, "We're very good friends. That punch was just one of those friendly punches, you know? I just got too nervous - you know, it was so sudden…and I have so much things in mind, for this year…I couldn't take it." The Britain replied while laughing a little childishly and crossing his legs with satisfaction._

"_Oh, really? Well, that seems about right - Mr. Bonnefoy is a very considerate man, I suppose." Feliciano continued on, hoping to help pass the phase of the London Front page, with ease. He; however, continued on praising the said French Host, earning a slight twitch of the pop star's bushy brows._

'_So, enough with your petty fights, but let's get with the actual news everyone wants to hear about, shall we?" The host quipped with a toothy and innocent grin as lights flashed around the room with a pleasant noise making its way in the staging. "We hear that you're engaged to the Pop Diva, Seychelles, am I correct?" The audience makes an applaud while a blush escapes the young man's face._

"_W-Well, yes…Actually we've been engaged for about two months now." Arthur fumbles with his thumbs while looking up at Feliciano with embarrassment. "We plan to marry in the end of the year." He stutters while earning giddy and happy sound effects from his many female fans._

"_Well, you two sure are an item." The Italian replied, encouraging the Briton while taking another sip of his cold beverage._

"Mr. Matthew, despite your outstanding success in my class I only want you to pay attention to me during class." Replied a tired and sarcastic voice. The said man looked up meeting one of his teacher's gazes - obviously irritated but very tired. "I'm glad I have you back in my session, welcome - now can you please answer my question?" The professor murmured while pointing at a strange diagram of the human anatomy.

He remains blank for a while, but manages to answer the question albeit a little slowly.

"Thank you, finally - goodness, boy, I was worrying about you!" The professor replied while rubbing his forehead as a gesture of how frightened he was of the boy's retarded reply. The class laughs, but then is dismissed as the evening bell rings to notify them of their leave. "Pay more attention, next time, will you?" The professor smirks while taking his luggage and preparing himself to leave as well.

"Y-Yes sir." Matthew replies quietly while taking his things as well and scurrying out the door.

He is walking through a lonely street towards his dorm, carrying his precious belongings - a sturdy backpack and a laptop with a few other writing equipment inside. He's tired and bored at the same time, but he calms himself down by closing his eyes and humming a familiar tune sung by Seychelles herself. He always was a fan of the woman and Arthur, but he never knew the two would ever get together. He was excited at that news, but at the same time questioning why Arthur never told him?

Yes, he was a normal undergraduate college student, and yes he knew a famous actor hailing from London, but it was always a hazy memory on how the two met. It was definitely, not a bar though.

"I wonder if he ever had the time to reply to my emails?" He asks himself while clasping tightly onto his bag after hearing a few squawking noises made from flurrying birds making their way to their respective nests. He shakes his head, thinking of only the negative while opening the entrance and heading towards the elevator.

"Oh well, I shouldn't worry about him….I should worry about the other one." He mutters to himself quietly while taking out his cell phone and gazing at the number written in memory, all over his black screen. "It's been a while since I had the time to talk to him.." He spoke to himself while continuing to gaze at the number. He could feel a surge of guilt push on top of him as he continued to stare at the digital writing.

The elevator opens and he steps out, dialing the number with slow pace. The hallway was quiet at this point and all he could hear the was the electronic noise of beating sounds - he continued waiting for the person to pick up.

"_Hello?" _The voice replies quietly, he was probably awoken from the noise and Matthew could feel his heart sink even more as he had done a terrible thing. _"Matthew, is that you?" _The young voice was full of energy as an instant recognition of the man's breathing hit the other fellow with surprise. _"Speak up! I haven't heard from you in a while!" _His brother's strong voice both eased and terrified him as he managed to make a small noise.

"Ah, Alfred…I was just coming back from class, and I had the time to call you - that's all." He murmured truthfully while turning his brass key to his room. He opens, and closes the door immediately while turning the light on and closing the blinds as quickly as possible. "I didn't mean to wake you up - after all you have morning chores and everything." He whispers ashamed of his own ignorance. A hearty laugh is heard from the other end and he is surprised but still terribly guilty for his stupidity.

"_Oh, come on Mattie, I haven't heard from you for days - I was beginning to worry about you." _Remarks his brother with happiness despite the exhausted tone in the back of his strong vocals. _"I rather have you call me than me having to worry about you all throughout the days." _His reply was earnest and Matthew bit his lower lip.

"You must be tired, I'll call you tomorrow in the afternoon this time? Okay?" He whispers thoughtfully although Alfred protested lightly. "I promise, that's the first thing I'll do after lunch period begins, alright?" The young man was able to muster while lying on his bed and gazing at the empty ceiling wall hanging above him. Sometimes he wished he had never called. Every time he called his brother he always felt heavily punished by guilt.

"_Alright, then. I expect a call." _Alfred let's out a small smile and hangs the phone. Matthew sighs and decides to check his email maybe, to erase the previous conversation with his sibling.

He manages to enter his domain, for once without fail, and sees a listing of email surprisingly sent by the British actor himself. He happily opens them , ridding of his grievances, for the time being, to read what the Briton had been complaining or raving about.

Most of the sent messages were composed of trashy insults about _the _Francis Bonnefoy, but the last one was a very exciting piece of news he had wanted to read.

_Matthew, it's been a while hasn't it? I'm sorry I haven't had the time to reply back…Say, I'm coming over to New York in May 20__th__, we should come and meet each other? I know what you're probably saying, I have a whole lot to explain about the Seychelles engagement, but I'll tell you everything as soon as I can. I'll be rooming in the Hilton hotel closest to the Cooper Union University. I hope to meet you there soon!_

His heart was immediately enlightened the moment he had read the news and was thrilled to have to meet his idol again. Sure, he had met Arthur more than the normal average fan - but every time with the British star was a moment cherished in his memory, other than the ones with his own dear brother. He smiles back and replies with smiling faces to Arthur - obviously excited about the next meeting.

"I will be certainly there!" He presses the enter button and exits out of the domain with increasing excitement. Maybe he should tell his brother about this meeting, he conjectured to himself thoughtfully while staring back at the ceiling, only with more heavier and lighter thoughts.

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The clock is droning out, and he flutters his eyes open to see a wooden ceiling hovering above him. A sigh escapes his dry, thin lips as he heaves himself up from the rusty bed. Slicking the mop of his golden, unruly hair, the young man automatically walks into his shower. "I hope it's hot." He replied with a small plead written in his tone as he turns the knob to the right expecting immediate warm droplets, but only receiving the coldest shards of the drops. He sighs in defeat.

Walking quietly down the stairs he finds an old friend hanging out in his dining room, checking the rifle he had just bought the last Sunday. "Hey, how'd you get in?" He replies with a smirk plastered onto his cheery face. The stoic figure sort of glared at him before letting out a small, shameless smile.

"Alfred, you know you always leave your doors open, right?" The man replies while rolling his eyes and checking at his sister who was currently making breakfast for the two. "Sorry, I just wanted to check on you. Haven't heard from your brother, have you?" He replies while gazing at a couple of scattered birds among the fields. He was tempted to shoot them, but not in front of his sister.

"Yeah, well it's more peaceful here than over _there_, am I right Liechtenstein?" The other man teases while circling his arms around the small, thin girl.

She blushes at first, but smiles sweetly while gently shoving the man away from her. "I prefer Liecht…if you don't mind." She laughs heartily while distributing plates of the common breakfast: scrambled eggs and bacon. Alfred seats himself down with content, next to Vash, her brother, who was now glaring at his friend after having performed such an embrace with his sister.

"Thank you, Liechtenstein." Vash properly replies to his sister while tasting the rather oily strips of bacon with hidden delight. Alfred on the other hand had zoned off from this world and was enjoying his meal; showing no signs of holding back as he seemed too happy to eat something edible, for once.

"You must be sad that your brother has gone off to college, am I right?" The girl had sat between the two while taking her own time to finish her breakfast. At this time Alfred stopped while letting out an honest grin.

"Well, if it's for his own better good. Than I don't mind…." His speech dies off as he stands up and places his dish into the only empty sink. The two stare at him as he travels outside to stretch - ready to perform his daily routines.

"I told you not to mention Matthew in the morning." Vash scolded Liechtenstein lightly while finishing off his scrambled eggs with savor.

"Still, it must be lonely to live in such a huge farm….all by himself."

"That's why we're here, remember? Friends." Vash reminds her with a soft pat on her head as he leaves to join Alfred in his morning stretches. She sees her brother and fiancé talking animatedly with random subjects about the news, economy, and whatnot they could think of in the fresh morning. A small smile spreads across her pink lips as she heads towards the sink to do her own tasks.

Does Alfred, really only need them?

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"Kiku, I'll be fine." Arthur reports to his manager through the phone while pushing his way through the crowds of fans who had managed to pinpoint his exact location. "No, I do not need your goddamn help. I told you, I've done this before - therefore, I'll do this again. By myself!" He shuts his phone with irritation while shoving the noisy gits away from him before he actually starts to punch his own admirers in the face.

Yes, he admits he has an anger issue. And No, he denies he should go to a management specifically suited for his problem.

"Flight to New York….GateA4, leaving in 30 minutes…" He is able to look up at the giant screen and dashes away with a crowd of frenzied fans following after. He curses lightly as he manages to allow himself some time by using the police Kiku had earlier called onto for action. He was actually proud to have Kiku be his manager, sometimes - well, no…all the time.

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"Mr. Bonnefoy, are you alright?" The Frenchman had gotten up after hearing his name pop up from that dazzling voice. He eyes the tanned diva in front of him with an almost disgusting, lecherous grin - but manages to contain himself by nodding in an honest fashion while holding tightly onto the bridge of his nose, emphasizing that Arthur's punch was not to be dealt with without any preparations. "I'm so sorry that Arthur did that to you!" Seychelles explained while coming forth to her former vocals instructor. The Frenchman let's out a sneaky remark but she chooses not to hear it.

"Well, I'm glad that you helped him out a bit…If you hadn't agreed with Arthur about being true friends it would have made his life a lot more miserable." The girl replies bubbly while playing around with the ends of her hair. Francis let's out a little smile when seeing her sun shining grin. "But, I have to go! I have an audition at 8, and I'll be late if I stay too long!" She remarks to herself with excitement and panic and dashes immediately out of the room with a scarlet face.

She had never thought she would encounter that man again. It had been so long since they had last met. It was so sudden to have to start a conversation with him that it made her heart beat so frantically.

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**Author's Note: **Sorry that hardly any action has taken place as of yet. But next chapter will be very entertaining and I promise you the two (I'm not indicating who) will finally meet! I hope to have some R&Rs please!


	2. Insignificant

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Two: **Insignificant

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He's seated at the alter, knelt down while offering his prayer to his Lord. His eyes are closed signifying his great concentration in meditation - he clasps hard on the wooden prayer beads that hug the cross in between the multitude of various colored gobbets. "Amen." He ends his sentence with relief written all over his sapphire blue eyes. He had appeared to be enlightened for the day, and adjusts his Sunday suit as he decides to head back to the farm.

Liechtenstein and Vash were awaiting him as he led his old truck out and parked it alongside the empty, gravel road. The two siblings watched with small easing smiles on their faces as they had collected baskets of potatoes for him - an act of neighborly kindness since he had done the same for them yesterday. "Good morning." The younger one replies with a bubbly tone in her voice, she clutches onto his arm after he gets out of his vehicle and returns a grin back at her.

Vash stands amongst the huge fields gazing at his sister who was leading Alfred back to his house - surprising him, most likely, with a feast that she had prepared after he had left to take care of his Sunday Mass. He walks slowly and mournfully back to the old shed to feed the rest of the livestock before entering himself. A sigh escapes his lips as he begins to realize what the future might have in store for him.

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Matthew is ecstatic as he walks back and forth in a jumpy demeanor, waiting for his idol and friend to come. He had parked himself in front of the Hilton Hotel himself and was growing impatient as the pop star hadn't arrived on the time he implied in his email. "Well, isn't someone late?" He asked with a scarlet blush of disappointing rising in his usually pallid face while checking his old watch.

The spring air was unusually chilly, but at the same time, very refreshing. His golden locks swayed frantically as a large breeze passes by him and he shivers regretting to bring a coat or any article of thick clothing that could have helped. He checks back at his watch hoping maybe Arthur's flight was just late…maybe, but a plane traveling from England to New York shouldn't take this long…

A crowd of rambling teenagers pass by him carrying bags of highly expensive brands he would never have the money to afford. Some of them look at him with a smile, while others just ignore him walking with the other crowds of businessmen or just casual passersby. Matthew takes note to himself that he dislikes the busy streets and certainly the "sleepless" city. It was too hectic for him to live in compared to his old home. He sighs and tucks his chin with the collar of his thin jacket - waiting for Arthur.

The Spring air has faded into an even colder temperature, and the city is now lonely, but still busy. Matthew turns around while cupping his hands together against his mouth; breathing in them and making his own warmth. A car can be seen and he automatically sticks his head up to see if it was the young Brit he had been waiting for.

The car passes by slightly after him, but then stops and he runs up to it in excitement. His face falls however when he sees a very familiar, and rugged face pop out with a small smile encased on his usual calm face. "Oh, Matthew - I was looking for you!" The young man smiles while adjusting his tie. "I wanted to meet your brother earlier this morning, but he was busy with Church and I didn't want to mess with him…you know, Aru?" Wang pinched the boy's cheeks as he remained silent with disappointment.

It wasn't that Wang Yao was a cruel and hated man. It was just, that whenever he appeared, Matthew would always feel more guilt and more helpless than before since whenever the guy visited - it always had to do with Alfred. To Matthew, Wang was the harbinger of some bad news…

"Ah…what did you want? I can call him now, if you would like?" The two stay silent a little longer, and the darker haired youth hands him a scrunched piece of paper with a small frown plastered on his face. "What is this?"

"…I'm a little worried about your brother, aru. He hasn't been coming to me for his check-ups." Was the automatic reply. "Here's my number, visit him and call me later." He puts on his sunglasses and looks at the rearview mirror with interest. A taxi has slowed down and seems to be parking behind him.

"W-What?!"

Another car stops behind Wang's with ease, and Arthur Kirkland pops out with a huge grin while stretching from the cramped space in the small taxi. "Thank you very much!" He gives the driver the appropriate money and whisks himself away towards where he had seen the young boy talking to a strange foreign man.

"Well, I have to go, aru. See you later, call your brother for me, alright?" And with a sudden haste, the man left.

"Who was that?" Arthur asked with a small tease while gazing at the speeding car with interest.

"Just an old friend…" The college student murmured with an exhausted tone. The Briton let's out a snort while takes the man's arms into his own.

"I'm bloody hungry, let's go and eat after I put these baggage away." He smiles and heaves the luggage with some frail effort. Matthew helps him up as the two dawdle towards the rotating doors with some easygoing silence.

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They're sitting in a nice restaurant - much to Matthew's discomfort as pairs of drawn eyes begin to watch the two men seat themselves on the private balcony.

The room - declared Arthur was very stuffy and even though the atmosphere constituted of friendly welcomes and gestures he disliked most of the customers and guests, maybe finding himself foreign to a country his own homeland had given up with irritable consent. He frowns as the eyes surrounding them suddenly left with aggravation, and the Briton begins to take a look at the menu.

"I would like whatever you find fits." Arthur was tempted not to order crazily over every decorated confections he laid eyes on. His stomach cried a little since the plane's trays were not as appetizing as they were compared to normal dishes, but he chose to hide his state of hunger very well.

"Um, well I think I'll order maybe…" The other man was taking so long, Arthur found himself nearly trying to sequester his annoyance and irritation along with his stomach's own protests.

'We'll have two hamburgers!" The "snobby" Brit replied with an outburst rage while clutching onto his stomach in the most secretive of ways. Matthew blinked with confusion, but nodded dumbfounded as the waiter begins to question them more how they would like their meat cooked, what drinks, etc. "Bloody, hell, does it take this long to decide?" He shivers as the midnight breeze touches upon his cheeks. Matthew smiles softly.

"Just be patient, you only just ordered for the food about 5 minutes ago." He laughs while placing the cotton napkin onto his lap for good manners. Arthur sighed with relief as the appetizers finally get to them.

"Thank God."

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Liechtenstein finds herself spending more time in front of the mirror lately, and she sees almost nothing appealing as she stands in the bathroom and looks at her appearance with miserable acceptation. Alfred is in the dining room preparing their dinner, and her brother is busily playing amongst the copper fields enjoying his freedom as much as he could before the two would go off again and maybe till the ground to reuse the soil and fertilize.

She could hear the sizzling of eggs in the old, greasy frying pan and the movements of her fiancé clumsily opening the ancient oven to put up some a chicken her brother had caught earlier on in the morning without her consent. She sighs while touching her forehead against the cool surface of the plain reflection. "I can't believe it…only seven more months." She sighs with a blush escaping her face. She sometimes wonders how Alfred had gotten up the courage to ask her for her hand. A small content smile creeps up on her flushed face as she decides to head down to meet the other two.

Vash is seated in his normal seat while waiting steadily for Alfred's dinner while Liechtenstein decides to handle out the antique dishes and cups. The roasted chicken is placed on a platter and settled in the middle of the table while mashed potatoes, egg salad and steamed carrots act as side dishes.

"Shall we dig in?" Alfred smiles happily as he waits for the other two to take as much as they liked.

"Pray first." Vash reminds him with a small smile. "It's been a while since the season has been this good to us."

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Matthew finds Arthur completely uncontrollable when it comes to not getting whatever he wants, be it money or attention. He had realized the Briton's harsh attitude whence the hamburgers came a tad late than the other dishes requested after them, and the Brit was throwing quite awful tantrums that made the whole restaurant explode with blushing colors.

"Bloody restaurant, I'll never go _there_ again!" Muttered the brash man as he adjusts his beige coat with irritation and hit's a telephone pole with a bit of his shoulders after concentrating on lacing up his afternoon attire. "Bloody hell, nothing's going right at all!" He sighs frustrated and kicks a pebble into a gutter while chewing on his lower lip, tempted to curse all he has ever learned.

A crowd of girls come by watching him with lecherous smiles that makes him even more hounded with a sense of insecurity and anger - making him feel like a pack of purchased, foreign goods. They pass by him with small mutterings of fluttery words that would make his heart skip with the slight annoyance. "How dare you speak those foul words about me! DO YOU KNO-" Matthew covers the young man's mouth with a sudden clasp of his hand.

"Maybe, you should relax. Lately, ever since you've gotten back you've been a little grouchy…" He tries choosing his words carefully but only gets a harsh glare from the other man.

"You don't understand what I'm experiencing right now." The Brit sighs while messing his blonde hair with utmost irritation. "I just need somewhere to escape for the time being, if only for a few days…That's why I came here to talk to someone." He whispers, his breath falling and rising with a calm but somber tranquility.

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Matthew understands perfectly well Arthur's unstable emotions, and decides maybe he should take him back to the hotel? The other man; however, strongly protested against that idea and wanted simply to just remain in a quiet haven - if not heaven itself. His heart flutters, and the college student is confused on what to do for his celebrity friend. He thinks hard, massages his temples, and tries to find a solution for the stubborn mule beside him.

A tranquil, less busy area…

"There's always…my house…" He automatically replies, and then hesitates after thinking of what he had just mustered out. "I mean…it's my brother's house!" H corrected himself, and could feel his heart swell.

"What's it like?" Arthur asks while sitting on a bench and gazing at the midnight stars, sparkle their brightest. "It's not…like this… sleepless and crowded, is it?" He questions while glaring at the concrete pavement beneath their feet. Matthew smiles softly at his statement.

"Of course not…in fact, it's very peaceful….it can take your mind off of things." The young man replied dreamily, reassuring Arthur greatly.

Poor Matthew, he thought too quickly and rashly to register what he had just suggested…

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They're riding in a small convertible, the one Alfred had bought for him on his graduation day of high school, and the road is but a bumpy, uncomfortable pathway full of pebbles. He's afraid that maybe Arthur would dislike the ride, and the stern and rough look the Brit was putting on made it more difficult for him to try and comfort him.

"W-We're almost there." He mutters as he concentrated on the road, hoping that sooner or later the house would soon appear. Arthur snorts softly, but smiles - knowing that Matthew, at least, cared for him.

The car slows down, and Arthur turns his head finding himself facing a small…house. It was rather, small - he should say and looked a little…unstable - but that was just him, he shakes his head and steps out of the car while taking out his luggage.

The air was definitely different from that of the bustling cities he had been to. He steps on the gravel path and waits for Matthew who seemed nervous. The young man offers to go towards the steps himself first, and is on the porch knocking on his brother's door.

It slightly opens and Arthur tilts his head to see who is behind the wooden entrance.

Automatically their eyes meet, but there is no meaning behind any of the glances they stole from one another.

"Mattie, why are you hear?" The door opens fully and he finds another man of the same face, only taller and rough on the appearance. "I thought you were at class…" He replies tiredly while gazing at Arthur with small interest.

" Actually, I have no classes for the next three days…it's one of those strange weekends they usually give us during the 3rd week of the month." He mutters automatically, and Matthew starts making more excuses on why they were visiting and if they could, perchance, stay for a couple of nights?

Arthur continuously stares at the house with mere…dislike, but attempts to place a small smile suggesting his friendliness to the owner. The unmentioned twin's blue eyes gazes at him with a calm, but harsh aura. A small smile creeps up his face, and he begins to grin.

"If you're a friend of Mattie's, then it's fine with me." He motions for the two to enter while calling out a few people's names from inside.

A plain girl enters the room followed by a similar looking guy who was older by appearance (Arthur suspected they were siblings based on their familiar tonalities). She makes a small curtsy and a welcome while looking puzzled as to why Matthew was there, while the other, more tough sibling crossed his arms with disinterest. "Welcome." He replies bluntly while heading back to the living room - Alfred excuses his behavior and replies that they were playing a few card games, and that Vash was somewhat displeased by the sudden appearance.

"Nice to meet you…Mr.?" Matthew's twin stares at him with the same friendly smile, unlike the grouchy…whoever his name was.

"Arthur Kirkland…Just call me Arthur, please." The Brit murmurs gently while shaking the other's hand.

"Nice to meet you Arthur, I'm Alfred - Matthew's older twin." He smirks at the younger one who just crosses his arms and pouts childishly - a feature Arthur had never seen while he stayed with Matthew for the last couple of years during his random outings.

"Anyways, I don't know for how long you're going to stay - but you're welcome to stay whenever you please!" Alfred proposes the idea with such quickness and hospitality that Arthur is taken aback, but also very pleased of his host - no matter how shabby and rustic the household was.

"Erm…Alfred…I'll go and wash the dishes." Interrupts the young girl who had been introduced to the two not too long ago. Alfred nods as she makes her leave while Matthew offers to help take Arthur's luggage upstairs.

"Thank you for showing me your hospitality." The Briton finds himself smiling in a more relaxed position while staring at the other man.

"No problem."

His cell phone buzzes, and Arthur excuses himself while Alfred nods and retreats back to the living room from where he had arrived from. He finds that it is Seychelles who is calling and is redirected back into his hectic world as soon as she starts speaking about their schedules for the following weeks.

"Remember, you need to be here in two weeks. We're holding another talk show with Veneziano, okay? And after that you have to come back to Francis' show and apologize and announce our wedding plans." She continues to drawl on and England insists and reassures her that he will arrive on time, and that he only needs but a little peace. He closes it before she can spout any more words and leans himself against the creaking walls.

He sighs and finds Matthew strolling down the staircase with a bright smile. He seemed at peace himself - not as fidgety as he always was around the city, Arthur notes. And the two smile, entering the dining room with the other three.

------------------------------------

"He just shut on me…" Seychelles explained rather distraught by her fiancé's sudden while clutching onto her pink monochrome cell phone with dismay. Her heart skips a beat as she ponders about Arthur's current situation, and let's out a small sigh while massaging her forehead to ease herself. "It's not like my life is any easier, Arthur." She retorts to herself and decides to take an hour break before her scheduled visit with Francis.

Someone is knocking on her door and she allows the person to step inside. Kiku faces her with a tired, exhausted look as he asks to recline gently into one of her seats. "…That man, he is so hard to track down." Replies Arthur's manager while gazing at himself in the glossed mirror in front of him. Seychelles smiles and nods while combing her chocolate brown curls.

"He'll come back sooner or later."

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**Read and Review please! I'm sorry, the next chapter will be even more interesting - I promise! **


	3. Mixture

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Three: **Mixtures

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She's under the spotlight and she can feel the intense glare of florescent glows running amongst her exposed flesh and silk warm hair. The area is quite empty at the moment, and she inhales deeply while registering where she was. An auditorium. And not just any seemingly dark and obscure stage…it was a childhood memory that she would forever hold onto despite how much it might bring worse memories into play.

Seychelles twirls around, mimicking a small dance only consisting of random movements, while humming sweetly of one of her next songs she was soon to announce to the world. When the stage was empty, she could truly express herself - that's what she thought at least, since her heart always seems to lift up during this time of day.

She honestly believed that no one was watching, and was very content as she stretched her limbs with such great effort and began to make cartwheels and _actually_ laugh.

"Seychelles?" A voice replies softly as the door opens and she gasps to see who it is. It's none other but _him_, and her face turns scarlet as she begins to tighten her clothing, comb her hair and gaze frantically at her former vocals teacher. "Why are you here so early in the morning?" Replies Francis as he enters the auditorium while setting his equipment on the edge of the stage with a look of suspicion.

"Practicing." She automatically defends herself while playing with the frills of her skirt and looking hard at the cold marble floor. A small smile quips onto Francis' face but he decides not to push her any farther and just lightly pats her shoulder with a paternal-minded intention.

She turns even more red, and he notices but decides not to say anything. After all, even though he held many fights against Arthur - she was still his bride-to-be, and he could simply _not_ afford to make her so unhappy. "Well then, get back to practicing!" He retorts quickly while taking his luggage with him and walking behind stage. "I'm just here to make a conference with some other people. You know, this and that?" He winks at her while closing the curtains on himself and disappearing in the dark shades.

She is still red.

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It's peaceful, Arthur decides as he wakes up in the morning finding himself the only one who was asleep for the last few hours. A big, red tractor he spots is on the fields roaming around in vertical passages while a couple of more figures are either tending to the animals or sowing some seeds. They're all familiar, and he finds himself staring down at them as if he was a princess. He gets out of bed, changes clothes, and rushes downstairs finding himself an already prepared meal.

Liechtenstein hears his quick footsteps, and appears inside the kitchen drying the dishes she had washed not too long ago. "Good morning, Mr. Kirkland." The girl replied rather sweetly while placing the eating utensils in an organizer behind the kitchen drawers. Arthur nodded slowly as he thanks her for the meal and watches the activities of the three other men. "They didn't want to wake you up…it's their job anyways, not yours." The girl murmurs while staring at the nearly empty sink full of water.

Matthew is seen sowing the seeds, his figure is hunched up and small, and his violet eyes seem to be concentrating on the seedlings his brother had bought the other day. Vash, if Arthur could recall his name, was the one feeding the animals. The stoic, grouchy figure was nothing like his mean self around the furry farm friends, and he could see a small graceful smile tint the other man's lips….

He sighs while chewing on the cold pancakes Liechtenstein made 2 hours ago. She is watching the young Briton with interest as she finishes cleaning up and decides to remain silent while observing his every movement.

Now, back to his own observations. The most interesting, he personally thought, was Alfred himself. The youthful lad had been sitting atop on a red, gleaming tractor but came to a stop and parked it back to the shed near the house. He was sweating and full of scratches, but his bright blue eyes sparkled intensely while his golden hair bounced up and down as he ordered Matthew to finish a task. Matthew appears to obey, but seems a little reluctant as he enters the barnyard and speaks to Vash who seems quite annoyed to be accompanied by the fragile twin.

Arthur smiles as he notices the different reactions from all three men and settles his fork and knife down, while standing up and excusing himself to leave the house for a while. He wanted to be a part of this familial chain, and decided to see if he could do anything to help despite his lack of knowledge on pastoral activities.

"Ah, so he's awake!" Alfred replies the obvious as the screen door opens bashfully revealing the celebrity who seems to get easily hot-cheeked. Arthur steps towards the other three who were probably taking a break from their daily chores. Matthew seems a little more exhausted then normal.

"Sorry if I took so long, I didn't expect for --"

"Us to wake up so early?" Snapped Vash who was holding onto a chicken while feeling it's feathers as he seems to treat it as a cat. Arthur winces a little at the man's use of tone, and seems rather…useless at this point. The twins at that time just stared at Vash with an embarrassed grin while one or the other would either start talking to the Swiss for apologies or trying to comfort _him_.

"Sorry, about that." Alfred mentions as Matthew is seen taking Vash towards the feels. "He's not used to strangers, it's been a long time since anyone actually came to visit this place." The older twin replies with a melancholic expression while holding onto the chicken that Vash had carelessly thrown out of sheer distaste. Arthur nods quietly while gazing at the two other men retreating from them.

"He's not always like this then?" Arthur murmurs softly and Alfred let's out a genuine smile while ruffling Arthur's wheat-colored hair.

"No, I promise you." Blue eyes twinkled with significant emotions as a smile manages to grace Arthur's own lips.

_Alfred was really…caring._

Matthew had come back with Vash after a small and obviously useless talk. Vash had still seemed to be paranoid by Arthur, but at the same time seemed to hold a few acknowledgements of the outsider - easing the Briton's feelings a little more.

The four decided to head back to the house and help out with Liechtenstein's tasks as Alfred decides that it wasn't fair for the young girl to have to do _all_ the house chores when the house was mostly occupied by dirty men.

Arthur and Vash decide to head to the rooms and see if there is any mopping or sweeping to do since the house was all covered in cherry-wood rather than carpet flooring. Liechtenstein is doing clothes while Matthew and Alfred are stuck with preparing Lunch. After all, Arthur woke up so late - it was almost lunch time.

The twins are silent as they step through the kitchen with their own clumsy movements and ways. Alfred is setting up the meat dish while Matthew had offered to cook all the side dishes and possibly dessert. After all, the young man's specialty dishes were all pastries.

They continue to be silent, and Matthew steals a glance at his older brother while holding onto a knife and chopping up some cabbage his brother had pulled out from their own produce garden. He has some nagging idea behind his head, and he wants to ask his brother something badly, but doesn't know how to begin it.

After all, Alfred always hated it when Matthew brought _this_ certain topic up.

"Alfred…Yao came to see me yesterday in the city." He begun reluctantly with a wavering voice as he puts the cabbage into a stew while now finding himself chopping the orange-brown carrots. He is peeling the skin off professionally and steals another glance at his brother who is marinating the meat now with a special lemon sauce. "He told me you haven't been seeing him lately." Matthew continues on and finds himself speaking a one-man conversation.

A grunt is the only reply as Alfred begins to thinly slice a part of the meat with his sharp silver knife. Blue eyes meet troubled amethyst.

"_Don't be like this!_" Matthew replies as his brother goes to the oven and stuffs the meat into the upper compartment. He closes it softly and begins to wash his hands while humming a soft, old tune. "You know I _hate_ it when you do this! You can't just _skip_ your appointments, Al!" Matt was deadly serious and his voice was cracking as he gazed at his brother with an alarming expression.

If Matthew could recall, Alfred had always been stubborn when they were children. This was partly the reason why his brother ended up staying at the family farm rather than pursuing his own dreams. Alfred had simply given up his own dreams as his hard-headed attitude refused to give up their family property and possession - and yet…his attitude also contributed to Matthew's ability to go to College.

Because the only reason why he was able to go to a higher education was due to his brother's hard work, sweat, tears and money.

Alfred's back is turned away from Matthew, and the man's breathing seems to worsen a little. The younger twin notices his brother's irregular breathing patterns and rushes to go to his car and grab that extra inhaler he got from the pharmacy the other day before picking up Arthur.

------------------------------------

It's strange, Arthur had never heard Matthew shout before. He was upstairs with Vash mopping up his own room while listening to muffled shouts that strangely came from the quieter of the two men below. It was evident to the Briton that Matthew was clearly upset from something Alfred had done, but he wasn't quite sure what the other did to make the usual sympathetic and fragile boy to suddenly turn into a raging man.

He hears the door open, but not close - and looks through the window in front of him, finding Matthew running towards the car, albeit slowly…. (though he could tell that Matthew was trying his best to sprint…)

He was curious as to what happened, and found himself laying the mop on the wooden floor and deciding to head downstairs to see what was going on between the two.

As he arrives to the first floor he finds Alfred's body lying on the ground, wheezing with intensity while clasping on his clothes in a dramatic effect. His body is wracking against the floor and is moving in twisted ways as he calls for Matthew's name.

This was Arthur's first time witnessing such a thing…He stood still, eyes-widen and afraid. He clasps onto his own heart and does not know what to do.

Matthew enters and pushes Arthur away while giving the inhaler to his brother and holding the other one up with as much strength as he could. Arthur is continuing to watch as Alfred takes deep breaths and coughs with a painful and exhausted wail. "There, there…you're fine now." Matthew replies softly while touching his forehead against his brother's.

Arthur is still too shocked and doesn't move.

Vash and Liechtenstein come following after and find Alfred lying on the sofa while looking exceptionally tired. The two decide to leave the twins alone while taking up Arthur to his own room to relax.

"It's just an asthma attack, Kirkland." Vash murmurs with regret to have to make Arthur see such a thing. Liechtenstein nods rather quietly while holding the Brit's arm and taking him back to his own room. "Just rest, we'll finish everything else." The two proposed while closing the door in on him and walking back downstairs to finish the meals and clean.

Matthew, Arthur had heard, stood beside his brother the whole time after helping with the meals.

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The next day Arthur is particularly gentle towards Alfred who seems to get the gist of the other's strange behavior and seems a little disappointed that the other wouldn't return to his normal ways. The farms man insisted that the Brit should continue on with his daily life as he would also, but there was an aching beat to Arthur's heart whenever he found Alfred working hard in the fields, sweating and always, always working with no complaints.

Arthur had to note to himself that he admired Alfred…

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The next day, Matthew apologized and had to return to College but promised he would return to drive Arthur back to the airport the next week. Alfred and the others find themselves awkward with the still unfamiliar figure, and decide that maybe the following days should all be spent to open up to one another.

The day started with a normal morning and breakfast - he had gotten used to the daily chores of Liechtenstein and Vash, and began to have a liking to their simple meals. Alfred was outside at that time feeding the cows and tending to his only horse while talking in a baby-manner.

Arthur finds Alfred brushing them as he comes outside to take in fresh, early morning air. "Good morning!" Alfred chirps brightly while finishing up with the horse's brushing. Arthur smiles back at him and walks towards Midnight, the mare, standing next to Alfred. The black beauty approaches the Brit with a calm demeanor and takes a liking to him immediately. Alfred grins and asks if he wants to ride it.

"Come on! It's not that bad-" He sets up the saddle and hoists the light man up on the mare. At first, the two were surprised of what they were doing. Alfred's ability to lift Arthur up was both amazing and embarrassing - and hearts began to slightly graze one another.

Arthur is fidgety as the horse slowly starts moving on the landscape, his hands tightly grip the reins and he starts protesting as Alfred begins to speed up a little with that huge grin written in his face. His heart skips faster as suddenly the young man lets go of his control on the horse, and lets it run freely with Arthur on it's back screaming.

He wanted to shout at the other man as the horse wildly and freely chases nothing, but thin air. His hair is flying and he could feel his heart racing further - Alfred's laugh is heard in a distance and his face is heated with anger and discomfiture - but a little appreciation…

He had never been this close to nature before…

"There, there." A hand clasps on the horse's reigns and Arthur's eyes widen after closing them for such a long time. Alfred looks at Arthur with a funny and amused smile. "Here." He reaches out his hand and Arthur takes it reluctantly and hops down.

Insecurity was finally made between the two, and Alfred continuously apologizes for not telling Arthur sooner that he would let go of the reigns.

"They seem to be getting well with one another." Liechtenstein remarks as she stares outside from the house while sitting on a recliner and holding a small book. Vash stands next to her and let's out a sigh.

"Alfred is really friendly - he can make friends with anyone." He automatically replies and turns around to see the two talking while heading towards the fields.

The two siblings just watch as Alfred begins to climb on one of the huge stones in the fields. He is staring at the sky and pointing at a few clouds, birds, anything that could remove his mind off of every stressing factor. Arthur is seen paying careful attention to him with green, hopeful eyes.

"When it's the right time, I'll show you the best place!" Alfred whistles while he gets off the stone.

A cell phone rings, and it belongs to Arthur who apologizes and walks away from him to talk privately.

"Hello?" He asks softly and Kiku's pleading voice equally fades in.

"Mr. Kirkland, we have a scheduled date next week, I would like for you to return on Monday, if possible, so we can go over--"

"**I know…" **Kiku could hear Arthur's voice slightly fade out with an upsetting tone. **"I'll leave on Sunday, at best…just stop calling me." **The Briton replied automatically, Kiku can hear a voice ask who it was in the background, and Arthur turns his cell phone off. Kiku finds himself staring quietly at the phone with unpleasant feelings swelling in his heart.

Of all things Arthur could do to make Kiku feel overwhelmingly distraught is when the other man starts to ignore him. He had no feelings for the Briton, he had confirmed it one day when he felt nothing of the other after having a pleasant dinner together, alone, for a little celebration for Arthur's success in making it to the _big leagues_. However, he still can not but feel ire for the Brit's arrogant and ignorant attitude. Something about that just ticks him - but he remains quiet as usual.

"He hasn't said anything?" Seychelles' voice comes from the other side of the room as her makeup artist appears and applies creams and tones on her chocolate skin.

"No…nothing yet." The Japanese whispers kindly while deciding to take a fresh breath of air.

He's strolling on the flat-top roof with disappointment and worry, but does not know what to do in the end, after contemplating so much of how to get Arthur back. He stares above him, it looks like it's going to rain. The clouds are heavy gray and full of sadistic things in mind. Kiku clears his throat and decides maybe it's time to head back in.

His phone rings however, and before he decides to enter the building he decides to see who is the caller.

"Brother?" He whispers softly, and Wang's voice fades in with welcoming glee. "Why are you calling?" He asks rather defensively as the other man let's out an invisible pout on the other side of the line.

"Can't I call my own brother, aru?" Wang was obviously disappointed at his brother's random snap, but calms himself down as he sits back on his recliner and opens up a book on flowers. "What's up?" The older brother asked leisurely as he sits down and flips to pages of various, brilliant roses and carnations.

"What have you called for?" Kiku replied in a stoic demeanor. His brown eyes sparkling with little life.

"Nothing - I just wanted to know how you were doing, that's all." Was the innocent reply followed by a short sigh.

"I can hardly believe that is your intention, brother." Kiku murmured rather regretfully.

"You are just as arrogant as before, aren't you, aru?" Wang muttered with growing anger. "Fine, if you want me to cut it short - I have a special favor to ask of you."


	4. A Little More from Nothing

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Four : **A Little More from Nothing

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One thing Wang hated the most was asking for favors.

Because if you ask for something, you always have to give something back of the same value, or in some cases, usually, even higher.

He sits down on his green velvet armchair as he decides how to articulate his request much more elegantly, carefully, and understandably. Pressing his lips together while thinking rapidly, he could hear Kiku's breathing slowly calm down as silence consumed their current conversation. The birds outside where the only noise at this point, interfering his train of thoughts.

"I haven't spoken to your sister lately." He replied softly, his chocolate brown eyes melting with a melancholic sorrow that Kiku could not see, but could understand in his tone of voice. He flips to a page of Travemünde, being instantly reminded of his sister's adoration for such overly decorated and foliaged flowers. "If you would…could you…" His voice croaks and he tries to breathe normally, but there is something caught in his throat that makes him cough violently into the receiver. His heart is pounding.

Kiku could understand his brother's concerns, but he was not the one to make bridges between the two. As much as he was a caring brother, he did not want to have to do anything with Taiwan and Wang's family fight. He had experienced the same wrath with the eldest of the family, and he wanted no more of it.

"I'm sorry…brother - I have so many things to do." He lies to the other man while twirling around and checking his appearance on the reflection in the mirror. His knuckles turn pale white, and he finds himself sick to have to do such a selfish thing - but, ultimately, this was not his battle.

Wang says nothing. He understands perfectly well what Kiku is doing, but is completely upset and transitions into a silent phase. He puts down his receiver and calls for a cup of ginseng tea - wanting peace.

His blood is boiling - and yet he does not do anything to satisfy the fire burning in his twisted heart.

"Brother - here is your tea." Replies a soft spoken youth. Now entering, was a young man clothed in the same taste as of the eldest. His hair was a straight and brilliant dark brown, and his eyes were matching color. He rarely smiled these days, and look burdened by many obstacles if one were to look into his sad eyes.

"Thank you." His brother smiles while taking the tea into his hands. He softly kisses the younger man's forehead. "No wonder you are the second." He whispers tauntingly and offers him a seat.

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Alfred's wheezing again, and Arthur can not take it when the other man is away, somewhere in the corner, suffering by himself while inhaling with that mechanical device. The farms boy always assures him that it was a daily thing, just like butter making, herding and sowing - but Arthur does not approve of it…too deeply shaken by the other man's previous encounter with the disease.

"I'm fine!" The other man assures him after finishing with his random attack and showing off how healthy he was by making a couple of drastic, acrobatic moves. Arthur is angered of the other man's recklessness and tells him to sit down while he cooks himself.

"You can cook?" Alfred asks with surprise, changing the subject entirely, while he helps Liechtenstein hang the clothes out to dry. Arthur turns violently red and looks away.

"I…It's not like it's _hard_." He replies back defensively and ties a pink apron around his slender waist while taking out some of the required utensils. Why, oh _why_ did they have a pink apron? Why not a baby blue or dark green? He looked ridiculous in the feminine article, for goodness' sake!

"Don't tease him, Alfred." Liechtenstein scolds with a hearty, bashful laugh, as she is clipping the clothing to the wired holder and finds her fiancé making a strange face towards the awkwardly dressed Brit.

"Ok." Her fiancé smiles sweetly before her and nods obediently and returns to work.

As Arthur is cooking dinner the two are quietly finishing with the clothing and are taking off the, now-dried, clothes from the other wire.

Liechtenstein is focused on her work while Alfred seems to be watching her with admiration as he does his own pair of clothing, himself. He continues to gaze at her with a loving affection, while she remains oblivious to his behavior.

It is not until she is finished, she notices him staring at her - and she turns away blushing madly with different shades of crimson.

"You're acting funny." She whispers rather loudly, but not to capture attention - rather she was frightened by Alfred's strange silence. The blue-eyed youth let's out a grin as he takes the basket full of fresh clothes and walks inside. "Is there anything on my face?" She questions, worried that maybe he was the type to want a _perfect_, _beautiful_ lady. "Is something in my hair?" She follows him to where they normally would fold the clothes.

He's still silent, and she grows terribly worried and calms down a little as Vash walks in with a dead duck in his arms. "Hey." He replies automatically and walks into the kitchen showing Arthur what he wanted cooked - and who the latter started panicking because he knew nothing of how to poach duck.

Before Vash arrived Arthur was feeling a little down. He didn't know why - but ever since he took a glimpse of that familial reaction between Liechtenstein and Alfred there was a burning pang of jealousy rising within his bosom. It wasn't rising, more like swelling, expanding, with envy as the two gazed into each other's eyes with close attraction.

He was disappointed, upset, disturbed, distraught - any word that could fit his mood when he realized he could not have a family like that. He wanted someone to stare at lovingly. He wanted a brother that could smile at him like Alfred's huge grin, he wanted a sister to look back at him with those hesitant, but warm, promising eyes like Liechtenstein

_He wanted that family._

Well, that's what he thinks at least. There's no other reason he could find.

"Here, I hunted duck." Vash had entered now with a beaten duck laying in his arms, cradled with gentleness but bruised by the same hands. "Cook it." The man orders reluctantly and steps out of the kitchen while Arthur stammers in small protest.

"I can barely roast chicken…" Arthur admits to himself and stares at the feathered creature with hesitation.

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Vash is taking his time amongst the field despite Alfred's plea to stay home since it was almost midnight. Dinner would be served later, but Vash could not find a better place to settle himself down in before the mealtime arrived. So he chose to reside in a small thicket where no one could disturb his peace and where he could sleep for a few good winks before any noise could wake him.

He's staring at the starry night sky, and ponders to himself of what he had done for the day.

Plowing the field again, watering the plants, sowing seeds (Matthew would need to owe him for doing that chore), feeding the animals, and last but not least, hunting that duck! It was an eventful day. He should think at least.

He closes his eyes, and thinks of what he thought was the most fun he had done for the evening. This was like a ritual to him. Thinking of the most blessed part of his evening was the best moment of his day rather than sleeping after a tiring day. Out of his hobbies or events, the thing he liked most of what he had done was… probably taking that duck.

Poor thing, sitting on it's bottom while sleeping peacefully on a broken nest already tormented by rascals such as those wild foxes and devilish, carnivorous birds. It was sleeping, albeit it was probably half-awake. Vash speculated the thing must have been too reckless to take care of itself after having the bloody animals take it's eggs.

Poor thing. He remembered speculating what to do with it…and what was best to do with it which ultimately led to the thing's death.

Poor creature. At least it would suffice other's appetites who have not given up as it had.

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Dinner would have been prefect, Alfred thought, if there was actually food on the table. The hardworking, usual day had ended up into a miserable night as the three entered the dining room to find plates of…inedible, burnt and hard-roasted food. The only thing safe enough to drink was water. Alfred prayed with relief that Arthur could not harm that resource- albeit he swore the worse cookers could even make water turn black with shame.

"W-well, what do we have here?" He seats himself next to Liechtenstein who stares at the overcooked corn with a little nauseous gaze. Arthur seats himself in front of the other man while Vash took a seat far, far away from everyone (including the food).

"Dinner of course." Arthur replied blatantly with a devilish glare as Alfred let out a small smirk. Apparently, Alfred suspected, Arthur was used to the shocked stares from his cooking. "So, eat up." He didn't look happy, and the other three gazed into their plates (excluding Vash who was stealing glances at the full moon while trying to occupy himself from starvation.)

The first to literally dig in, was, of course, Alfred who had took up his courage to have a taste of the black charcoaled duck. The two siblings with him, remained silent as he took a forkful of the former, feathery creature and seemed to like it amazing all - especially Arthur who seemed pleased.

"So what do you think?" The British celebrity replied with an eagerness in his voice as he watched Alfred's eyes twinkle with strange illumination.

The whole room was silent for a while as the blonde gulped up the last bite and let out a crooked smile.

"It's pretty good!" He answered.

This seemed to encourage everyone else, who now seemed to display their starvation by hungrily taking loads of Arthur's coking onto their plates.

Arthur had never felt so proud of his cooking as the other two continued to eat slowly and with bitter silence, while Alfred, excused himself to finish feeding the animals for the time being.

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Arthur gets another call early in the morning, but he ignores it as he follows Alfred in the corn fields to help pick up the left over crops that had fallen after the machine to harvest the plants failed to capture some of the produces. He's running after the taller figure who is at least 10 feet apart. Their distance is slowly getting covered up as Arthur finally reaches Alfred and the two begin a conversation.

It was the normal routine as they bent down looking through the hacked fields for any left over crops. Alfred is wandering to the right while Arthur to the left. A strange silence is consuming their active morning as Arthur is unusually quiet.

"Anything wrong, Artie?" Alfred teases as he passes by the Brit and looks harder into the distance trying to see how many more feet they would need to search.

"N-Nope, nothing wrong. And please do _not _call me that." Ranted the other who had found a ruined bunch of corn as he stumbled accidentally upon them. He gathers them up in his arms and shows them to Alfred who points up at a storage for where all the ruined food went.

The two walk, arms with destroyed produce, and remain in a strange silence.

In truth Arthur was feeling quite unwell. Whenever he was near, or around _any_ of the farms people his stomach would twist with a strange intensity - especially around Alfred. He didn't know what the feeling was, but it was very discomforting and he was thankful that the crops he was hugging close to his body allowed him to squeeze his stomach with relief, hiding, for a moment, his pain.

As they walked with silently he stares at the back of Alfred's retreating back moving rather quick-paced towards the storage feet apart from them now. The other man, usually very heart-warming, energetic and loud was, himself, unusually silent. Well - maybe that was because he was unusually silent himself. He didn't now.

His phone vibrates but he does not decide to answer it as he is focused on the man in front of him.

"Here, place them inside." Alfred replies with a smug smile as he lifts the storage open and dumps the crops carelessly into the container. Arthur did as followed and the two decided to head back towards the farm where Liechtenstein and Vash were supposed to be helping out with feeding the pigs.

Unfortunately the two were out in Church - something Arthur never understood why people would have time to do in an economic-based society these days

The two walked through the vast fields in the same uncomfortable tranquility.

For a moment their hands slightly brushed amongst one another and Arthur couldn't help but turn a strange, intense red - but Alfred held no thoughts to that action and absentmindedly continued to walk towards the wooden shed.

For a while Arthur seemed so disappointed. Like a crushed fairytale, his hopes of _something_ exciting, maybe even romantic, was sort of destroyed.

But why was he thinking of romance? There was certainly no girl in this place that he was charmed by.

Absolutely no woman but Seychelles has ever captivated his interest.

Alfred pauses for a second and turns around with a huge, brilliant grin smuggled onto his gorgeous face. His sky blue eyes twinkled as they had finally reached their destination and he leans on a fence post with some sort of tale to spout of. Arthur can't but help look into his eyes, fatally attracted to his masculine yet beautiful features.

"Hey, since Liechtenstein and Vash are away - and it's just the two of us, how about we go fish for a while?" He proposes an idea Arthur would normally oppose to concerning his last trip to a lake with a certain French snob. The shorter man fidgets for a moment and nods slowly as Alfred beams with happiness and orders him to stay where he was whilst he grabbed some of the fisher lines, hooks and bait. "I'll be back!" He enthusiastically replies while jogging into the tool shed besides the barnyard.

Arthur watches him leave, and as soon as his shadow disappears he grabs his cell phone that was now silent after so much vibration from the previous few minutes. He gazes at the caller ID and sighs with annoyance and small contempt, finding that it was from not _only_ his manager, but Seychelles's as well.

"Back!" The other man jogs from the tool shed quickly holding the two fishing rods and a box of various equipment inside. Arthur puts his phone back quickly and takes the black-colored rod for himself while following the talkative, chatty Alfred towards a nearby forest.

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Her phone keeps ringing, but she always, always, never picks it up. She knows who's calling, it was her eldest brother, but she doesn't want to ever speak with him. The last time they met they violently clashed with vulgar words that would have pained their parents if they were alive at this time. "Selfish brute." The young girl mutters with anger as she leaves the phone to itself and takes her keys, closing the door with a large pang.

She's swiftly running down the concrete steps as she hurls a violet scarf around her neck as she feels the crisp morning air touch her delicate flesh. She sighs in aggravation, cursing for a moment as she calls for a taxi and watches the numerous passersby walk obliviously around her. She finds a free taxi, enters it, and gives an address while looking rather exhausted from even a well-night's sleep.

Last night was absolutely horrible when she had picked up the phone only to hear her second eldest sibling talking to her with complaints from the eldest. Kiku was absolutely annoying when it came to delivering messages especially since he seemed as if he didn't care - which was true, but to her every message from Wang was…important.

Her heart beats, she pays and steps out and finds a clear white hospital blindly shining with pride. She steps into the building, the cold air nearly makes her spine shiver which is very rare, but nevertheless she walks towards the receptionist and smiles sweetly at the young woman.

"I have an appointment with the director of this building…if I may…?"

The young receptionist smiled sweetly, his brown hair dangled over his dark pupils as he spoke with gentle words and informed her where the director was currently residing. She is very grateful, and heads towards that direction. The receptionist is informing other newcomers where each room was indicated and happily but fearfully keeps to his duty.

------------------------------------

Alfred opens a jar of worms which deeply grosses Arthur out, and who the latter nearly screams his head off as the other man pierces the worm gently into the hook with no emotion at all. "Come on Artie, it's not _that_ bad." The other blonde murmured as he takes the hook closer to Arthur, and who the other blonde quickly retreated to the other end of the boat.

It rocks back and forth and Alfred complains that Arthur is being a baby.

"I am _not_." Retorted the Briton, who reluctantly traveled back towards Alfred's side to take his rod back and fish…for bass.

"There, see it's not that bad." Alfred replies with relaxation as he tosses his line into the water and waits patiently for, what Arthur call's, the nonexistent fish.

The two are sitting down on the side of the boat gazing calmly at the water, there is no ripples made by any living thing except from the drops of the dew left from last night's shower. Alfred looks tired, while Arthur can't help but to fall asleep.

The two never understood why fishing was an excellent sports game, and soon wanted to give up.

"Something's were never meant to be." Arthur mutters as the two wait for another 30 minutes for at least something to catch the line. Alfred sighs and complains Arthur was just being too scary for the fish to bite because _normally_ basses would be flocking to him. Arthur shoves Alfred in the ribs with his elbows rather hard, which the latter man became very silent after finding the attack quite…ruthless.

Arthur's phone vibrates, and Alfred tells him to pay no mind of him as the Briton decides to finally answer.

This time it was a text from Kiku and Seychelles, who found it most effective to contact the unresponsive Arthur with text messages rather than an actual voice mail.

"**Plane arrives Monday 5 AM. Pick up at 8 AM. Bonnefoy Show at 10 PM." **It read with no feeling and he scrolls down the screen to read more. **"No cancellation! Last flight to England. Ticket costs 350 USD." **He sighs and scratches the back of his head.

**PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE Read and Review! It will help me a lot for my future writings :D**


	5. Again and Again

_Losing Grace_

_**By Ryukansen**_

**Chapter Five: **Again, and Again

**---------------------------------**

Every time their eyes meet Alfred could swear that Arthur was hiding something. His forest green eyes always wavered with mysterious feelings, and always, always Alfred wanted to pry his heart open and ask if anything was the matter. Of course, the young Briton was adamant and self-defensive for his own good to let the other in - and Alfred thought for a moment that maybe he was still a stranger to the other blonde.

It must be that. Arthur probably didn't feel at home, Alfred thought he and the rest did a great job in comforting the Briton but obviously the former man was in a state of discomfiture.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked for the second time while they stepped into the wooden household and started to prepare lunch.

Liechtenstein and Vash would be back soon and no doubt the two younger ones were starving.

"Yes, I'm fine." Was the simple reply spouting from the flustered man's lips. Arthur looked away - looking more exhausted and perplexed than normal, but Alfred decided to not intervene with whatever the other was thinking.

The two remained very silent and continued on the daily tasks.

Again.

As they continued to ignore one another, the door slightly opens and Matthew steps in followed by Liechtenstein and her brother. The three had been talking gleefully until they stepped into the dark atmosphere. At first Matthew thought the two had a fight, but they quickly proved him wrong as Arthur hesitatingly helped Alfred with peeling carrots and potatoes.

"You guys alright?" Liechtenstein interrupts the pregnant silence and leans closer to a very serious Alfred.

Never in her life had she seen this young man so focused on something before, so immediately she could tell that there was something bothering him. "Alfred?" She replied with a quiet voice while feeling his arm with a gentle and graceful touch.

"I'm fine." Alfred reassures her and continues peeling after giving her a soft and swift kiss on the forehead.

This, of course, did not go unnoticed by two other males in the house.

"A-hem, well I'll create the scraps for today." Vash mutters suddenly and parts the two from one another while walking out of the house and grabbing some newspaper and recycling. Matthew followed after him, offering his unneeded help.

Now it was just the three alone, and it was some sort of intense atmosphere that was suffocating each of them.

**---------------------------------**

She had never in her life seen Alfred in such in intense focus. He was always carefree and just to see him strain himself while cooking was very frightening to her. She speculated Arthur and him had had _some_ sort of talk since the latter man was apparently not talking to the former.

"Well, then - I'll go and soak the laundry." She finds herself useless to restore anything broken by the two and heads outside with the other two men who were feeding piglets with strange material.

Matthew and Vash were, at that time, discussing the future - a topic Liechtenstein disliked very much concerning that the future could change.

With that pessimistic perspective in mind she definitely knew that Alfred's interest in her was slowly fading and that her engagement could disappear at any moment. She held onto that thought ever since the young man even proposed, and it was very….disheartening.

Because no matter how much happiness someone could achieve there was always sadness following behind it sooner or later. She knew it well- she's seen it a lot before, and it hurts to know that maybe Alfred wouldn't be with her.

It hurts.

But she's quiet.

**---------------------------------**

"Pass me the knife, will you?" Alfred replies sternly as he gazes at the carrots and potatoes with the same seriousness he had used for the last few minutes. Arthur did as what he was told and reluctantly hands the farms man the cooking utensil.

Alfred is chopping the raw vegetables quickly and Arthur can't help but think that the other man would cut himself.

"Will you stop that!" Mutters the Briton in fright as he clenches onto the pink apron he had borrowed from Liechtenstein the day they met. Alfred turns his head around and let's out a frown. "I-I don't want to see blood!" Arthur defends himself once more and turns away turning the same scarlet ever since the morning chores.

Alfred stares back at Arthur with surprise and a small smile curves up as he lets out a soft chuckle. Slowing down his pace, he cuts the vegetables a little more with a light-hearted happiness. At least Arthur wasn't strangely silent.

He just couldn't bear that for some reason.

"I have to go out for a moment." Arthur suddenly pipes up and takes off the pink apron. He steps out for a moment and silently shuts the door. Alfred stares back in worry, but decides to stay behind.

"Well, at least I got him to talk." He shrugs and lets out a defeated sigh.

Liechtenstein comes back with a worried look across her face, and Alfred just smiles back trying to reassure her that he was perfectly fine. "Are you…alright?" She asked just in case while traveling towards him. Her body came closer to his and he held her waist with familiarity. A small smile purses up as he kisses her gently.

"I'm fine." He whispered and let go of her while saying he had much to prepare for dinner.

She smiles a bit content while retreating to her room to change. Her heart skipping with confidence since it has been a while since Alfred had given her a kiss on the lips…

**---------------------------------**

He had three more damn days, and Kiku wasn't even giving him much to explain his situation. He didn't even know _why _he even wanted to stay, but there was some strange tranquility that kept luring the Arthur Kirkland back into the poor farm.

He didn't care if the shed and barnyard were ancient and deteriorating - he loved the house. Well, at least that's what he thought.

Sighing and placing his phone back in his pocket he decided to explain his situation to everyone, finding that Alfred had seemed a bit concerned since he had been terribly awkward towards him.

"Ah, there you are!" Alfred's voice replies as he comes back inside and finds the table filled to the brim with lots of different dishes. Everyone was seated and all three seemed terribly happy. "We were waiting for you." The tall blonde grinned as he pulled a seat for him and pushed him towards the long table.

Arthur's heart skips as Alfred's hand brushes against his while they pass dishes towards one another. The idiot was smiling back at him, and he can't help but do the same as the whole table finds itself unusually talkative.

"So how's class going for you, Mattie?" Alfred asks while his brother swallows mashed potatoes with happiness. The bright-eyed young man stares at his elder twin with the usual gaze whenever he never wanted to talk about something - especially his classes. He did _not_ want to talk them. Especially since…

"I'm fine. Can we talk about something else?" He asked while staring at his food with discomfort. Alfred doesn't realize his discomfiture as he now is talking with Arthur who seems flustered. _Just like him to ignore me_. Matthew rolls his eyes while forking up some meat and chewing it rather quickly with anxiety.

**---------------------------------**

Arthur can't help but _not_ tell the rest of his departure, his heart is skipping closer as Alfred leans in to tell him a joke or two about Matthew, who in the background is shouting at the other two with an embarrassed look, and the other siblings nearby where silently addressing one another with few talks of random topics.

He finds himself pretending now to laugh whenever Alfred tells of a joke, but the other man isn't taking any of his fake demeanor and only frowns while asking, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He would always respond with a hearty laugh which really bothers Alfred who begins to pick his food, annoyed by Arthur's defensive attitude.

"You know, you don't need to….bottle yourself up like that." Alfred whispers softly and looks away finding himself rude to the Briton who was gazing back at him awestruck. "I just want you to be happy with your time here." He responds displeased with himself and clears his throat while standing up to excuse himself from the rest.

Arthur follows him and walks to the back porch to confront the other who had abruptly left.

"What do you mean, bottle myself up?" The Brit responded his eyes wavering with conflicting emotions as he finds his hand instinctively tug onto the other man's sleeve. As if Alfred had the answer to his current problem, the Briton looks up at him with a hope slashing through his forest, emerald eyes. "What do you mean?" He asks as Alfred turns around to face him with a stoic expression.

"Arthur - relax, alright?" Alfred placed his hands on his shoulders, and Arthur could feel a strange weight lie not only on his shoulders but also on his heart. His heart race is skipping as Alfred's blue eyes gaze down on him with emotions that Arthur's heart was hoping it would be something more than friendship. "Matthew told us the time you would be leaving, so it's alright - you don't need to feel worried about us. We knew when you would leave…" Alfred smiled rather bitterly while biting his lower lip with hesitation.

Maybe he said something wrong, because Arthur's eyes seemed to have sprouted tears at this point.

**---------------------------------**

"Ah, so that's why you were worried." Alfred looked puzzled at Arthur who was acting strange now and backing away from his hands. "I thought that maybe you were worried about something else!" The Brit obviously was lying as he clasped his hands behind his back and looked feverishly pink with sickness as the celebrity looked carelessly away. Alfred blinked twice trying to register the man's strange behavior but doesn't do anything to provoke any more interaction between the two.

"So…You think I'm happy to know that you know that I'm leaving?" Arthur replies softly as he turns around and crosses his arms, gazing absentmindedly at the half moon looming above the two.

It was very silent at this point now, and Arthur finds himself stupid as to have most likely expressed his true feelings unknowingly to Alfred.

"Of course not! I just want you to know that you should relax that's it!" The farms boy muttered wrong, terribly wrong words, as he looks him in the blue eyes with a harsh glare. "I mean…We'll miss you…of course, we want you back!" Alfred whispered finally understanding the situation the other young man was in and smiled softly as he walked towards him with caution.

"…Really?" Was the hopeful voice coming from Arthur who is staring back at the American boy with a grin plastered onto his tan face.

"Of course, you're welcome to come any time." He replies with an energetic eagerness that lifts Arthur's heart a little more.

"Even if I happen to be a freak of nature, you will let me back in, right?" Arthur questioned him with strange responses but Alfred reassured him.

The two stare at one another a little longer, before Arthur mouths a small "Thank you" that seems to have touched Alfred a little more than what he would feel for the Brit.

He watches Arthur step back inside who then seemed a little more talkative now, and in which made Alfred feel more relaxed.

**---------------------------------**

As soon as Arthur walked back in the atmosphere seemed to have changed between he and Alfred, which made the rest relax a little more and become a little more care free. Matthew could even tell the difference between the intensity and the relaxed demeanor of the two and seemed very pleased as Alfred began to joke around once more with Arthur.

**---------------------------------**

It was during the night time Arthur had come to full realization of what he was feeling for Alfred, and it bothered him quite a lot.

"I'm an _idiot_." He kept telling himself while gazing at the ceiling with anger and humiliation. "How could I have done this to myself and him?" He asked himself questions that could never be answered and flips himself to face the other side of the wall in the room.

_Impossible!__The_ Alfred Kirkland was in _love_? The most popular British celebrity, who is engaged with the Pop Diva, Seychelles, is in love with an American farm boy?! That was impossible! The whole thing was completely idiotic, how could he ever fall in love with such a petty, low-life, irresistible - damn! He was doing it again!

He could never badmouth Alfred, never….

Tears rolled his eyes as he began to reconsider his thoughts. Maybe it was just too late, and this realization was just a result of becoming an insomniac for three nights already? His heart leaps as he hears footsteps reach his door and small chuckle coming from the current topic - and his face flushes red. No, this was definitely not a dream. He was, in fact, in love with the dolt!

But how?! Since when? He was only involved with this man for two weeks and he finds himself completely lured into the other…

Since when was he a bisexual?

Arthur bit his lip and continued to calculate the reasons why he was feeling strangely about Alfred. He was _definitely_ not in love wit the idiot. Definitely not…

And yet…whenever he sees Liechtenstein with that said idiot, he always finds himself rather…furious.

"Stupid! STUPID! STUPID!" Arthur shouted into his pillow and grimaces at the fact that he was in love, all over again, but this time with a man.

**---------------------------------**

"Stupid! STUPID! STUPID!" Alfred heard Arthur's muffled shout quite clearly and the other man just laughed as he went towards his own room to get a good night's sleep. As he opened the door he finds Liechtenstein placing his clothes into his drawer and blushing furiously.

"Good night!" She quipped immediately and left in a rush, but not until Alfred pulled her back in and gave her another quick kiss.

"Good night." He whispered sweetly and watched her flush cutely and walk rapidly towards her own room across from his.


	6. Small Relations

_Losing Grace_

_**By Ryukansen**_

**Chapter Six: **Small Relations

**---------------------------------**

Oh _God, _Oh _God_, he wasn't doing this! He couldn't believe what he was doing, but yet it _must_ be done! The quicker the better, and he knew perfectly well that if he didn't do it quick enough he would surely lose. But lose what, exactly? "Shit. Shit. Shit." Arthur whispered softly as he found himself leaning towards the sleeping Alfred who seemed at peace and happy, and _oh so_ handsome.

_What the hell? Handsome? Seriously?_ Arthur gulps, should he really be doing this? His hand twitches as he softly brushes Alfred's face and he begins to hesitate and wonder of the results. How the hell did he end up like this anyways?

Oh, right - he was sleepwalking - that's it!

**Of course not! **He just wanted to, and that was the one and only simple reason. The latter reason would be used if Alfred were to wake up at all.

"Quickly and surely - that's it, Arthur, just…dive in." He whispers to himself and his face inches closer to the sleeping figure before him. His heart is skipping and as soon as his lips touched the other's he felt a strange pang run across his veins and his heart's beat seemed to accelerate with happiness.

He lifts his head up and then realizes faint blue eyes twinkling back at him with a shocked expression. "A-Arthur…?" Alfred replied sitting up with bewilderment.

_Oh_ shit.

**---------------------------------**

They're walking side by side in the airport and Alfred was quiet the whole way - Arthur didn't know what else to say finding that he had already made their relationship ruined and in a forever awkward moment. "Well then…I'll see you later." The Brit replies softly and bows while waving a faint goodbye. Alfred does the same as he watched the clad figure move briskly through the messy crowd.

"Well then, now that we're in the city - let's go shopping!" Matthew replied swiftly and pulled his brother's hand towards a nearby item shop which apparently had many new things to offer the farms boy who's interest was still back with the strange Briton. "Seriously, you haven't been long enough in a city these past few years and I want you to buy some new, more appropriate clothes and those ones you're wearing now." His brother drawled on as they went to different stores ever couple of seconds.

"Matthew, why was Arthur wearing so much clothes today?" Alfred murmured as he begins to pay for a small souvenir to give to Liechtenstein and Vash since the two had to take care of the animals in the morning and were sadly not able to see Arthur leave. "He looked ridiculous with all that clothing on - and what was with the shades?" Matthew's brother continued to question him with a certain tone that would make it apparent that Alfred was thinking of _what_ and _who_ Arthur Kirkland was.

"He's just like that." Matthew quipped in a defensive mode and waves his hands quickly around with a small smile. "You know, he's sometimes a strange fellow…" His brother's response was very unclear, but Alfred seemed to accept it with an unusual easiness in his tone.

"Very strange indeed."

It was the time when they were on the road Alfred was acting a bit strange himself. He was unusually silent - and had been very quiet ever since Arthur had left. "Did you know…?" Alfred suddenly replied with a calm and straight face as he was driving through the muddy pathway, "that Arthur kissed me this morning?" His brother's face looked flat, but there was a strange blush escaping his face as his eyes focused on the road.

Matthew's mouth hung as he heard those words escape from his brother's lips. "E-Excuse me?" The college student replied with a bewildered gaze. Alfred sighed, repeated his words, and stopped at a traffic light which seemed endless as Matthew gazed at his brother with the same shock like always. "No…but…_why_?" The younger one _had_ to know the reason why the most famous celebrity of England would want to…kiss _his_ brother?

Alfred was nothing special! Yes, alright…fine - he had to admit to himself that the other man was quite the charmer despite his poor background. Tall in height, lean and has a healthy complexion, brilliant blue eyes, blonde hair neatly cropped, and of course his heart-winning grin - but _seriously? The_ Arthur Kirkland? How did his brother ever manage to captivate _that_ man?

And of the course the ultimate question was…._was_ Arthur Kirkland gay?

But then something else hit him hard as he found Alfred parking the car and looking back at him with a serious look.

"Matthew, don't tell this to Liechtenstein or Vash, got it?" His brother's face was stoic now and the blush seemed to have disappeared making his face more…inhumane. Matthew nodded quietly.

Of course, his brother wouldn't be the type to leave someone he had engaged himself to. That young man was a devout Christian, and more than anything Alfred always stuck to his words.

Which significantly meant he would stubbornly stay with Liechtenstein no matter what…

A sigh escaped Matthew's lips as he began to ponder of what was really going on in Arthur's mind.

**---------------------------------**

"There you are! Hurry!" Kiku's voice was frantic as he pulled Arthur into the limousine and ordered the chauffer to head towards the direction they would often go to meet the notorious Francis Bonnefoy. Arthur would have been shouting out bloody insults of the hasty ride if it were not for Seychelles who was sitting herself next to him, her arm clutched around his own as she smiles and repeats words of how she missed him so much.

"Where were you anyways?" His fiancée cocked her head sideways and gazed at him sheepishly with a small timid smile as she smoothed her hand up and down his own with a familiar, but strange feeling.

Arthur smiles and kisses her on the forehead as she then adjusts his disheveled tie. "I was just visiting a friend, that's it." He gave no lie and began to give traveling kisses down her neck and she finds herself giggling and shoving him playfully off.

"Now, now - that's enough." She replied contently and shifted herself closer to the tainted black windowpane. The car was going very fast, but not enough to get caught by the law - and as she gazed out the window she could see the multitudes of neon lights flutter by them rapidly. "Aren't you glad to be home? Everyone's missed you." She whispers turning to see her fiancé who had then seemed to be…in a different world.

Arthur, by her own quick observations, was certainly out of it. The young British man was ignoring everything, and even the car's abusive movements did not cause him to stir as he remained seated with patience and into a strange melancholic mood. Seychelles understood what to do when Arthur was ever in this mood, and it was always to leave him alone - especially since she expected the same treatment…

The car has finally parked and Kiku pulled the two lovebirds out as he called in to introduce the two popular icons to the show. Francis greeted them both with each a mocking grin, well at least to Arthur, Seychelles found his grin to be quite compelling. "Sit, sit, please." Francis smiled as he ushered the two back onto the same limelight they found themselves in the first time they had met.

It was a ridiculous meeting that none of them would ever want to experience again…yet it made these two pop idols meet….for the better or the worse.

"Alright, so for tonight's show I will just be asking simple questions about your engagement- that's all, nothing more, nothing less." Francis replied quickly as he took his clipboard and started going over all the questions for the two to ponder about. The stage was not filled yet partly because, to Arthur's speculation, Francis had prohibited anyone from entering until he got the full interview in his palm.

"Alright - first of all, Arthur, concerning your first meeting with Seychelles what was the first thing you thought about upon seeing her?" The Frenchman replied with a serious tone and gazed questionably at the Englishman who was now thinking hard of a reply. "Goodness! Do you _really need_ to _think_?" Francis seemed terribly impatient and began to complain while drowning himself with wine. Seychelles smiles nervously as Arthur's mind seemed to drift off to that world he was previously in when he was in the car.

"I'm so sorry, he just got back from New York!" Kiku responded from behind the stage as he viewed his idol with intense humiliation. "I should have been with him the whole time!" He continued on to apologize but Francis was _not_ having it.

"Arthur, give me your first thought - that's all I _need_ to know." The host replied softly but with annoyance as he placed his goblet down onto the cherry wood desk and gazed hard eyed at the man while ridiculously bewildered at Seychelles, suggesting to her _why did she ever pick THAT man? _

"Honestly Francis, please…Arthur must be just exhausted - that's all." The diva whispered while gazing at Arthur worriedly and hovering her hand slightly against the Englishman's forehead. "He's not sick, that's for sure." She whispers and asks Arthur if he was alright, but he does not reply.

"Well…I don't honestly know." Was the Englishman's final reply.

Seychelles and Francis both looked at one another with wide-eyes and both seemed to become hysterical at the reply. "You…Then _why_ are you even engaged to her?" Francis replied bluntly and whipped his golden tresses with annoyance. Seychelles remained silent as she watched her fiancé remain quiet once more.

"Please, don't be so harsh with Arthur…" The woman murmured slightly revealing how hurt she was while she clutched tightly onto her beige purse. Francis was adamant to obtain a more correct answer from the British man, but suddenly a crew member came crying and delivering news about how people were anxious to get in after hearing of Arthur Kirkland's presence.

"Fine, I will alter these questions to suit your current thinking pattern." Francis sighed as he massaged his temples sensing a headache and maybe a heart attack to come.

**---------------------------------**

The lights flashed on them, and once more they become the center of attention. Everyone seemed to be quite excited and were silent to hear the actor and singer's confirmation for their upcoming plans. Francis was dodging every question that could hurt Seychelles at the most part leaving most of the audience upset as to why he had never questioned Arthur on the more serious parts of his and Seychelles' love life. Especially the question about having any children once they were to marry.

Oh yes, the audience absolutely _loved_ that question.

"Well, we're just trying to adjust with ourselves for the moment." Arthur avoided the question quickly as the microphone was passed to another person in the crowd. He was getting more nervous at the moment as the questions became more personal and Seychelles herself had to finally answer some of his _own_ questions Francis had given him.

After everyone's questions were answered in a dodging manner, Francis grabbed the microphone back and seemed a little bitter with Arthur's responses.

_Pay back time._ The French thought as he gazed devilishly at the Englishman who was fidgeting in his armed chair.

"Mr. Kirkland, I heard you were out for the past several days in New York." His upcoming question had alerted Arthur and the young man's face turned slightly pink. "What were you, by chance, doing over there in the United States?" Francis smirked as he placed an elbow on the desk he was at and snugly warmed his chin against his palm.

_Stupid bastard! _His mouth hung open as he thought of careful and precise, understandable words. "Well, I had a friend I would like to visit. I haven't seen him for a while and-"

"A friend you say?" A smirk immediately replaces the yawn Francis was about to stifle and the Frenchman leans closer to the Englishman with interest. "So, who is that friend - may I ask?" His smirk turned into a huge, wide smile.

Arthur could see most of Francis' pearly whites, and how much he wanted to punch that dolt like the last time he came! But, oh, yes - Kiku reminded him of the media and how much they will make him suffer if he were to punch him again.

"Well, he's just a person I met from my manager, and we happen to get along perfectly fine - we met when I was at the beginning of my career.' Arthur replied honestly and stared hard-gazed at the young, foreign fool.

Francis let out another of his flashy grins as he cracked his knuckles and began adjusting his interview paper. He seemed to have a trick up his sleeve as well whenever his eyes locked with the Briton's. "Are you by some chance, I don't know, a homosexual?" He replied softly while the audience remained as silent as they could be but equally aghast at the French man's question.

Arthur was bewildered, embarrassed, and betrayed by Francis' question. The stupid man _never_ strayed from his interview paper, _never!_ The stupid company that was hiring him should fire that evil, evil, French! His fist clenched as he mumbled a "no" at the domineering host who seemed to have let out a soft chuckle of victory as Arthur turned scarlet with humiliation.

Seychelles however thought differently, but remained quiet and in good, appropriate manners.

**---------------------------------**

Taiwan was never good at interviews, but she knew she _had_ to get this job in order to prove her eldest brother wrong! That domineering, selfish brute would feel sorry when she got her own way through her _own_ decisions rather than their dead parents! She ruffles her brunette main as she twists her fingers around and decides to whether or not knock on the door or just leave? Her heart is pounding as she reads the golden engraved name hanging from the oak door.

"Dr. Ivan Braginsky," She whispered to herself in awe as she turns the knob without hesitation and is lured into the sweet music playing in the background by an old record player.

The office is empty and she walks in and looks at the various books displayed on the desk. Most of the novels were self-made books based on anatomy, a few on common medicines and, his favorite, she speculated, was autopsy where he placed random notes down in a library book and most symbols vaguely looked like a heart mark.

"Ah, I have a visitor don't I?" A man entered the office and slowly closes the door. Taiwan could feel an eerie aura surrounding the room now and her heart is skipping frantically.

The man was clad in a white doctor's suit, his hair was an equally snowy white while his eyes a cold violet that chilled her spine. His complexion was very pale, worse than hers, and he seemed almost - as if he were sick himself.

The door knocks and it slowly opens revealing the same timid receptionist who she had communicated with not too long ago. "Ah, sorry to bother you…Dr. Braginsky…some patients are waiting for you in the 3rd quad." The man replied with a blush escaping his face.

"Ah, well, we'll have to talk later, am I right, da?" His smile was strange and faint, and she could swear his eyes opened revealing a strange emptiness that pained her.

The young receptionist followed after with a fragile squeak and she was left alone, all over again.

**---------------------------------**

Alfred let out a sigh as he decided to stay over at Matthew's apartment complex. The younger sibling, although he had his own dorm for the college he was attending, decided to move out and into a new spacious area - better for visitors such as his brother and especially for night time visits from people coming from a far away place. Alfred's farm was but 2 and a half miles away, and it was almost midnight - he hated leaving his brother alone to drive by himself.

The older twin sat himself down on a comfortable sofa, and sloppily placed his feet on the table while turning on the television.

The television was left on a certain channel that hosted UK news, and the first thing he saw was…peculiar and outstanding.

"Isn't that Arthur?!" Alfred called, amazed at the being in the screen. Matthew looked over his shoulder as he took out luggage that he had brought to Alfred's place the past few days.

_Oh, shit…he knows now…_


	7. Inches Closer

**Losing Grace **

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Seven: **Inches Closer

------------------------------------------

Alfred stared absentmindedly at the ceiling wall, trying his best to wink a sleep at least, but no such luck ever came to him. The stupid television had done this to him! Showing him some information that he had to register before night time, was a _no_ - and now he lay awake with nothing but thoughts of a certain Briton that both puzzled and angered him.

He fidgeted in the bed, moved side to side, closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled, and then ended up groaning in defeat. The sandman wouldn't come to him for a few days to come.

That was a fact.

Morning soon came , and the twins sat on a small breakfast table munching rather gloomily on a new brand of cereal. Matthew was sure Alfred was rather, skeptical of his views on Arthur now - seeing that a popular idol had just…entered his household, and kissed him for that part. "Are you okay, Alfred?" The long-haired blonde murmured bashfully as he stuffed the cereal in his mouth and looked down hard at his brother who was gazing at the pool of milk left in the bowl.

"…Why didn't you tell me Mattie?" Alfred replied rather remorsefully as he stared into his twin's violet eyes. The younger one looked ashamed, but he knew that revealing Arthur's true status wasn't fair for the Brit who was running away from the media. "Honestly, you made us look like fools." Alfred quipped as he pushed the bowl away from him with disgust and stood up towards the coat hanger, ready to leave.

"Alfred! I couldn't, you know it! Arthur was having a hard time in England, and I didn't want anyone else to be burdened by him having to be a celebrity. Please understand that Arthur didn't want it either." Matthew could see his brother quickly contemplating on his words, but his brother always, always never accepted any of his reasoning unless he just _had_ to. In this case, Arthur was a celebrity, and Alfred would have none of him knowing nothing of someone so popular.

"…Mattie, I'm tired." The blonde murmured softly. "I'm going home, see you later."

------------------------------------------

In all his life he had never expected to have housed a celebrity in his gritty, unstable farm. It was completely embarrassing and yet he found the most fault from Arthur who had secretly decided to become a refuge in his house until the media would fade on his current scandal or whatever. He was used! And yet, he knew he had to forgive the young man. It wasn't his fault, he had to remind himself, but the thought always lingered in the back of his mind.

"I'll have to pray for forgiveness, I guess." The American sighed as he traveled down the stairs of the apartment complex towards the ground floor where he found his truck sitting there with all it's disgusting glory.

"And _he _sat in it." Alfred rolled his eyes and slammed the car door with great force.

He was absolutely ridiculed.

------------------------------------------

He had arrived back at the farm after the mass, and found the two siblings gently speaking to one another in whispers. Liechtenstein was giggling while Vash was blushing furiously telling her that her manners were not much of a lady's angering her, but making Vash's blush disappear with triumph. "Hey." Alfred leaned at the side of the door while staring at the two who's conversation ended, and both smiled upon his return.

"So, how was your day off?" Vash smirked suggesting that Alfred owed him one more time since he had skipped a day and a half to drive to and back from the airport. Alfred's smile turned into a frown but he promised to help Vash with one of his chores later on. It was his duty anyways.

"Fine, I guess." He lied half-heartedly while sitting down on a sofa and reclining his view back to the ceiling he found so interesting. Liechtenstein and Vash gazed at one another finding Alfred's behavior off a little, but decided not to intervene with his trains of thoughts knowing that Alfred wanted privacy at the moment.

The young American farmer let out a heavy sigh and imagined Arthur coming back here. What would he do? What should he do? He might come at any moment!

He shook his head feverishly, he was thinking too much of him these days - time to forget.

And yet he knew he couldn't…

------------------------------------------

The next morning there were all sorts of rumors unraveled by the press in which Arthur was having a difficult time to avoid for some odd reason. Kiku had engaged himself to go wherever Arthur decided to, afraid that maybe the idol would soon hop on a jet and leave him without notice, again. And Seychelles, well…she was ignoring him for some odd reason. The last night conversation with Francis and his irresponsible answers certainly pissed her off, and the young girl fled off into her own limousine completely furious, but he didn't think his vague answers would send her running away.

Now he found himself in a small coffee shop with Kiku ordering him a small coffee cake - the young manager knew that the man could barely stand the drink itself, so he ordered a small cake slice sprinkled with coffee powder but covered in more flavorful fruits and whip cream. "Here you go, Mr. Kirkland." Kiku murmured while taking a small sip of a caramel latte himself while checking out their surroundings.

It was a small, pristine shop covered all in a beige wallpaper and chocolate cream flower prints. The door and window hinges were all made of dark, hazelnut oak and the doorknobs and other lacings were patterned with gold and occasionally silver on a the chinaware they were eating on.

"Are you enjoying it?" Kiku replied rather nervous that Arthur had been silent the whole trip towards his favorite bakery. The young Brit remained silent as he focused on the magazine laid on his lap.

It was one of those gossip magazines designed for, particularly women, and he was not at all amused on how much rumors they managed to squeeze from him out of no where. "How the bloody hell do they get all of these nonsense?" He asked detest fully while tossing the magazine to the trash and biting bitterly onto his coffee cake slice.

Kiku let out a soft smile, "When you agreed to act for us you agreed to sell some of your privacy - remember?" The young Japanese replied softly as he took another sip of his caramel drink. Arthur sighed and slumped down.

"Sometimes I wish I was back over _there_." He mumbled and realized the paparazzi was starting to slowly form up in an obscure alleyway. He put on his sunglasses on and adjusted his trench coat firmly with his gloved hand. The celebrity took a sigh under his breath and heaved himself up from the quiet bake shop. "Let's go." He replied while taking out his golden car keys and preparing himself to take another quick get away.

Kiku nodded and walked towards the counter paying the cashier and heading towards the rushing wave of camera men and women.

Flashes of light nearly engulfed the whole scene while the two men walked rapidly across the street towards the Mclaren F1, Arthur was swatting the cameras away from them while bluntly cursing at a few anchorwomen trying to gain access to more information. Kiku followed silently while trying to evade some questions from the paparazzi and skillfully speeding towards the now opened vehicle.

"They've been getting worse I tell you." Arthur whispered, his face heated up with scarlet all over. Kiku sighed and ruffled his own dark mane. It was true, the paparazzi was going ballistic with Arthur's sudden disappearance in the last two weeks and the almost all British magazines were covered with rumors concerning about what he did there.

Some rumors were completely nasty. Like the ones that spoke of a love affair. Those was the worse type that he could not bare. That was also one topic that Seychelles was very confounded about and disliked. He knew it well, that was one reason why she had stopped talking to him.

Stupid rumors.

------------------------------------------

Kiku left early that day to get his own rest, also very tired of the paparazzi stalking his celebrity. He had never in his life experienced so much discomfort from the camera or the talkative bunch of women and men, maybe it was because of Arthur's discomfiture as well? He had no idea, but his heart had been pounding quickly whenever someone came to ask Arthur personal questions that would annoy anyone asked.

"I'm so sorry that you have to be put through all of this." The Japanese manager whispered softly as he clutched onto a memory pillow where he tried his best to sleep. He sighed while shutting his eyes, and letting out a small prayer to gain some sort of slumber, be it only an hour.

For the past several days he had had no sleep in worry for the Briton who was slightly losing his sanity over the press. He bit his lower lip pondering about the next few days and how they should spend it.

These moments they were never getting any of their own privacy, and he knew well that Arthur, no matter what, longed to go back to New York and rest.

Well, he could suggest going back to the area, no matter how much he hated it, for the next few months to clam down the excitement from England, but in return he would have to follow the Brit _everywhere_.

No objections.

The manager then decided to look into his phone book of old friends he had managed to still contact with in case of emergency. Flipping through his note pad his eye caught on one name he remembered very well, and a small smile seemed to lift up on his face, followed by a blush.

Maybe _he_ would let Arthur and him stay for a few months.

The said man was very generous despite the poverty he lived in, and Kiku knew very well that the young man wouldn't mind as well.

He began to dial the phone with great excitement, longing to hear a voice from an old time friend.

------------------------------------------

Wang let out a sigh while he found news about Taiwan and how she was doing. "It appears that she got a nursing job in the hospital three towns over." His youngest brother replied stoically as he took a sip of tea and crossed his legs with a mere disapproving look written across his face.

"Well, she'll come back, aru. She won't last that long." Wang replied softly as he stared at his youngest sibling with a small smile. Hong Kong always made him more happier and light-hearted unlike those brutes who ran away from responsibility.

He was _sure_ Im Yong Soo would have been the last to refuse their parents inheritance and title; however he was proven wrong when the young male left suddenly without a letter or a trace to his whereabouts. That wild, wild boy would sooner feel depressed when Hong Kong received the inheritance and gained the most of their parents work.

A sigh escaped from his lips as he clutched onto the handle of a teapot and started slowly pouring the ginseng tea into another porcelain holder.

He never expected though to have had to sever all ties with Kiku unless it was a family emergency ironically. Taiwan though was also troublesome, and he knew she would be stubborn to have inherited their fortune.

The last time he had contacted her was on her 18th birthday, when she ran away to pursue her dream.

"_Dreams._" He scoffed while slurping his tea with dissatisfaction. "What _dreams?_"

------------------------------------------

Arthur continued to stare at the lights illuminating from various buildings. He was in his own condo and he couldn't sleep, too afraid to even lose any security. The media, after all, was basically everywhere and letting down his guard was the most frightening he could ever do to himself for the time being.

He adjusted his patterned scarlet tie and let loose his stiff jacket. Seating himself down on one of his armchairs he slumped while putting a hand over his forehead signifying the stress he had accumulated from the past few days upon returning to his hometown.

On his small table desk beside him lay his laptop where it was opened to his email server in which read there were basically around 100 total emails in his inbox, 1/3 of which belonged to Matthew which basically told his concern about the alleged kiss he had given to his brother.

He had never replied back to that young man. Maybe it was due to the stress? But his heart told him it was from embarrassment. He rather _die_ first than admit he was in love with another man.

It was not acceptable, not for him at least. He worked too hard for too long to have fallen for someone of the same gender. It wasn't even _right!_

He massaged his aching head with the tips of his forefinger and thumb while trying to think of an appropriate reply.

_Hello Matthew,_

_I'm sorry that I haven't replied in a while - you know me, I have so many things to attend to ever since I returned to London. The other celebrities are not giving me a break right now, and so I'm a little exhausted for the moment. Upon reading your previous emails, please - I know…I was shocked myself! I think I was a little bit down in the dumps that day since I had to return to my "loveable" hometown. Before that time, I went out to a local pub and got…heavily drunk. I'm sorry if I had done something. Yes, early in the morning drinking is unhealthy; however, that's the only thing that console me at the moment of crisis. _

_I hope this proves to be sufficient enough to answer your questions. _

_Arthur _

Staring back at the written email he sighed, this wasn't sufficient at all.

------------------------------------------

Toris swore that Ivan had been acting strange lately. Ever since his last, most cherished patient, left to attend to a more rural hospital he had been acting very peculiar and it bothered the young man greatly.

First of all Ivan was extremely _too_ happy. Before his smile would only appear whenever he felt like it, but these days he would always be found smiling no matter how awful the news.

For example, the previous few days he and Ivan had been invited to a funeral for one of the doctor's patients and the only thing written on his face was a wicked grin and twinkling, lively lavender eyes. It scared Toris so much he pleaded for his co-worker, Feliks, to change his job and become Ivan's personal RN.

Feliks never left him off the hook after his begging, but it made him happy to be at least secure with a fellow co-worker around him all the time.

The receptionist let out a sigh while Ivan took his time speaking to the patient's family with that same grin placed upon his cold, pallid face. Toris then decided to venture back towards the room where he had interrupted the young woman to see if she needed anything. "Excuse me ma'am, I'm sorry to have let your meeting with Dr. Braginski get interrupted, but is there anything you need at the moment?" His tone was so kind, startling the woman who had been gazing at a family portrait after Ivan had left.

"Um, well…no, I'm fine…" She hesitated and let out a blush finding herself stupid in communications. "Actually…if it's alright, can I have a cup of water?" She let out a timid laugh while seating herself down on one of the scarlet couches near Ivan's desk.

"Ah, so you're trying to fill out to be one of Mr. Braginski's personal RNs too?" Toris was surprised to see why a young woman like her would want to get into a position like _that_. She nodded solemnly while clutching tightly onto her skirt, she was obviously nervous - but who could blame her? Ivan Braginski was the most fearsome of the doctors around the hospital, even more fearsome than the director of the hospital, himself. "What made you decide to pick a job like this, anyways?" Toris smiled as he gave her the cup of water. She thanked him and looked rather hesitant which made him feel uncomfortable and idiotic to have probably asked her a supposed personal question.

"I just…felt like it…" She first retorted quietly but then their eyes met and she shook her head furiously with might. "Actually, no, I just need the money! And I've studied being a nurse at my parent's expense." Her voice faded in as her eyes dimmed, scaring Toris for a moment before they lighted up with such energy.

Before he could apologize the door swung open revealing a smiling Ivan who had collected various medication forms for the previous family he had spoken too. "Ah, so shall we get back to business?" The stocky man sat down on his chair and let out an eerie smile scaring the two.

The young woman handed him official approvals with stamped golden seals, and the young doctor took them appreciatively and obsessively.

"Ms. Yao?" He replied with his best to pronounce her last name without insulting her pride. The young woman nodded her head slowly but seemed to dislike the pronunciation…or maybe the name itself? "It seems here that your brother is…Wang Yao, if I'm right?" Ivan's eyes turned rather quickly towards her revealing a crazed sort of stare.

"Y-Yes…I am related. We're siblings." He replied honestly while fidgeting in her seat. Ivan nodded, biting his lower lip. A rare occasion that Toris had not seen for a while.

"What patients does your brother handle?" He replied with a strange, cracking voice. The young woman stared straight at him with alertness. "I'm just curious that's all." Ivan calmed her down while letting out his grin that would scare anyone.

"…He….he takes care of our parents local hospital near the countryside." She automatically replied feeling the strange aura seeping from the scary man repress her inner feelings. Ivan nodded slowly while letting out a chuckle that both seemed to make Toris and her spine shiver.

"Alright." He passed her back the papers while letting out a radiant grin. "Starting tomorrow you will be working with Feliks in the Main 6th Floor." He took off from his seat while adjusting his doctor's suit. "I'll be looking forward to working with you." With that said he left immediately, a strange excitement seemed to have suddenly consumed his normal calm energy.


	8. Unsaid and Uncomfortable

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Eight: **Unsaid and Uncomfortable

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**Author's Note: **Thank you for those who have been reviewing my story though out the updates! I'm so happy for each compliment and advice I received! Thanks to you guys, I've finished my latest chapter really early and I hope all of you review me once more!

**------------------------------------------**

"Ne, ne, Arthur, so _what_ where you doing in New York?" Veneziano asked while they both sat before one another in a refectory table. The young Italian was very excited for news to spill out from the Briton's mouth but Arthur was very reluctant. Veneziano's manager, Ludwig could tell, so he abruptly shoved the young Italian hard in the ribs, but not hard to make the young one cry. "Uh…well, you don't need to say anything, I guess." The host of the party smiled while taking a bite of his favorite pasta.

It wasn't as if he wouldn't answer. Alright, Ok. No, he would _never_ answer that question. He'd lie through anything to avoid it, and maybe accept some of the rumors spreading about him if he had to. Right now, Arthur felt very uncomfortable, and not because he was in a room with billions of people staring at him, but rather in a room with hundreds of Veneziano's _celebrity_ friends chatting amongst one another about _this _and _that_.

"Why don't you eat?" Kiku replied as he came with a plate containing a modest amount of sushi and other seafood. The young Briton was tempted to eat, but all those people covering his way to the food prohibited him from getting a bite. "Honestly, it's not bad. They won't ask you, I promise." His manager murmured while taking a sushi and plopping it up in his mouth, chewing it with happiness; finally able to eat something worthwhile and common to him than Arthur's coffee cakes, sweets and meat dishes.

"I don't know, it's not like…I can't." The young man sighed in defeat while ruffling his hair with anxiety. Yes, he was hungry, but was eating worth it when your reputation was on the line? Kiku let out a sigh and got up to retrieve food for the embarrassing blonde.

"I'll be back, don't move." His manager muttered calmly while placing his dish on one of Veneziano's coffee tables.

Now Arthur was all alone, and he was feeling a bit more angst than normal. His eyes shifted with that of a crazed man's while he tried to avoid everyone's eye contact, or at least everyone he _knew_. Though random people weren't an exception to him either.

Through the crowded dining chamber the young man could see blurs of brunette, raven and blonde heads whizzing passed by him. To his poor luck; however, his eyes managed to lock with the one person he did _not_ want to see in the party.

"Ah, so how are you?" Francis smirked as he grew closer to him without any warning. Arthur stepped further back as the Frenchman continued to make him nervous by stepping closer to him than a normal person would.

"Will you stop that, you twat!" Arthur hissed smacking Francis' hand away from him as the French laughed out carelessly loud making them known to the whole crowd whizzing pass them. Arthur's heart pounded as all the attention was on them.

"Well, well, well - you're strangely nervous today, aren't you?" The blonde smirked at Arthur while touching the slightly younger man's shoulders with an affectionate, strange touch. Arthur rose his eyebrows but only in the end punched the man in the gut, feeling even more heated up.

A hand; however, stopped Arthur from punching the man to death. And the Briton couldn't help but know who wanted to stop him from fulfilling one of his dreams. He turned around, facing the young face gazing at him seriously.

"Arthur _please_. There are rumors going on about us already…So I'd like it if you'd at least stop being so violent." Seychelles murmured while turning a scarlet pink. Celebrities were passing by all three with either a smile or a scowl; some seemed to not care while the other's were already talking about the rumors that had popped up just the morning. "Honestly, Arthur I thought you were mature." She muttered passing by him and walking towards where her friends where at.

"You were saved you bloody fool." Arthur whispered to Francis while traveling back to his seat and awaiting for Kiku. The Frenchman in return shrugged while heading towards the banquet area to fetch himself his own meal.

As he arrived back to his former area, Kiku was sitting down on a small stool while chewing softly on crepes brought by Francis for the special occasion, and while holding onto an envelope. Arthur didn't know what to expect from the young man when he sat next to him, but to his surprise Kiku revealed his inner thoughts about a small vacation.

"What- _where_?" Arthur asked as he sat himself and took the plate full of food that Kiku had brought for him. He took a bite of the salad the young manager had brought him and a small amount of the Italian Bow Tie pasta, while expecting an answer from the other man.

"Well, with all the media going on….I scheduled a visit to New York." Kiku smiled rather happily hoping to see Arthur's face lighten up only to see the opposite effect.

When Arthur heard about going back to New York his face fell, and his heart started thumping quickly as he thought of the possible chance to see Matthew, and especially, Alfred, again.

"Of course, I'm coming with you." The boy replied in an as-matter-of-fact tone while he sipped a small amount of rice wine Veneziano had imported a couple of days ago for him. Arthur's excitement fell, but at least he let a small smile grace his lips at the moment.

_Great_.

They were now sitting by each other's side more quiet than ever while Veneziano was giving off a small random speech across from them and Ludwig, his manager, having to pull him forcibly off the stage excused his celebrity's drunk status.

"Honestly what will I do with you?" The German grumbled with a slight annoyance, but less than the affection coming from his tone. Veneziano let out a small whimper while twirling himself around to meet the pretty women attracting him.

"…Is there a reason…why you won't let me go by myself?" Arthur asked as he took the last gulp of his wine, and possibly annoying Kiku a little more.

"It's obvious actually." His manager replied rather icily while staring at him with a serious gaze. "I don't want you're sudden trips to become a favorite past time for the press. Honestly, you're sudden disappearance has caused lots of commotions these days - and just by scheduling me into your trips will help ease the rumors spreading." Kiku murmured staring at the random passersby.

"Unless they think it's a homosexual love affair." Arthur interjected remembering one of those rumors from one of those stupid fan girl maniacs on the internet blog claiming to have seen him with some other women and men.

"Of course not!" Kiku turned various shades as he gazed crazily at his idol. "Not without proper announcements of course." The manager muttered, "or proper connections."

**------------------------------------------**

The day arrived when Arthur had found his bags already packed and he was excited to leave to his second trip to New York. He was happy, for once, and was in a hurry as Kiku and him were traveling in the highway, top speed, towards the airport.

"You seem strangely excited." Kiku sighed with a small smile reaching his lips. Arthur averted his eyes towards Kiku and let out a smile himself.

"I'm just glad to get rid of the press for a while." He whispered while clutching tightly onto Kiku's hands with the same glee Kiku had found in him ever since he began his career.

The manager let out a small chuckle.

"So where are we exactly going?" The Briton asked with eagerness in his voice.

"You don't know him, but I'll introduce to you guys later." He replied happily with a blush tinting his face.

Arthur swore he never saw Kiku blush unless it was something incredibly important to the said young man.

**------------------------------------------**

"Mr. Matthew, can you please answer the question?" His professor was eyeing him with a smirk plastered onto his wrinkly, aging face - a smirk that mocked the student who was trying so hard to focus and find an answer.

"…Pathogenesis." The boy replied hesitantly while the professor nodded slowly with approval.

"Just making sure you're awake - lately your grades have been dropping." The man added earning chuckles from his peers who were adjusting their essay papers or file cases as the bell was about to ring. "Honestly, Matthew, I can't believe I'm saying this to an alleged A Student!" The professor taunted as the crowds of students started filing to the back of the room where the exit was held.

"Sorry, Mr. Perry, I was just…there's been-"

"Family trouble?" Sighed the man while massaging his face with complete annoyance, although he tried his best to hide it. Matthew nodded quickly while holding onto his book bag, wanting to leave - in a hurry. "I know your family must be dealing with something terrible right now, but you also need to focus in my class. You haven't been dropping your other grades, but mines, which alerts me!" Continued the professor while gazing steadily at him.

"I'm sorry, I'll focus from now on." The boy replied immediately and dashed off ignoring the other comments the professor had to say and trying his best to run his fastest.

As he reached the outdoors he could smell the waft of barbeque being held outside by senior alumni who were preparing themselves for their final exams. Many sororities and fraternities at this time of day were holding mini contests and raffles as the final days were coming to an end, thus also signifying their full fledged status as employers of the state or whatever they chose to do or become. Everyone seemed to be excited and riled up, but not Matthew - he was far from happiness at the moment.

How could he feel at peace when his brother was ignoring his every call on purpose, and Arthur the same? The two were basically pretending he wasn't existing and he felt so lonely as to not have any contact with the two. And now it's been three months without their voice, letters, etc - and he was beginning to feel terrible.

But why _him?_ He had to ask himself that one question. It wasn't _his_ fault and the punishment he received was not justified at all.

**------------------------------------------**

Vash was completely hysterical as to why Alfred was so friendly, he never understood the importance of being kind to someone else unless, of course, there was something to be had. And in Alfred's case, there was _nothing_ to be had - the man was, in the end, too generous for his own good.

And now the young man had confided to him something very important which made him cringe more in loathe. "Honestly, _why do you even bother_?" Vash had asked later on that day while the other man was helping his sister tend to the cattle grazing amongst the golden fields.

All Alfred had to say was that everyone needed to be cared for, and even though they were not in the predicament to offer any kindness they still should perform some sort of charity for their better good.

Exact words, Vash swore.

And yet, they never were returned anything but the bitter cold and remarks of ignorant men and women.

So _why_ did they always have to end up like this?

"Come on, it won't be so bad." Alfred chirped up as he took a bite of one of Liechtenstein's cooking. Vash rolled his eyes while resting his chin against the rim of the chair he was sitting on. The two were clashing eyes at one another, one in absolute disapproval while the other in full eagerness.

"It won't be bad, Vash…I'm sure, if Alfred thinks so…it's fine." His sister intervened the silence while chewing on the broccoli Alfred had finished steaming. Her brother let out an unsatisfied grunt but let the argument go after her intervention. Alfred smiled at Liechtenstein happy that the younger one agreed with him.

Without any other words the other man walked outside leaving the couple indoors for their own, cuddling moment or whatever they called it. Vash let out a defeated gasp of air as he sat on a rocking chair gazing at the pale, beloved moon hanging above their barnyard.

The moon and the animals, in his opinion, where the only things that were going unchanged in his lifestyle and he seemed to find Alfred slowly disappearing along with his sister.

"Damn it." He whispered to himself and clutched desperately at the rifle he had been holding onto since the day he had bought it (the day before that Arthur Kirkland arrived).

After Arthur arrived Alfred had been acting strangely and his sister was mocking his behavior as well. It was horrifying, disgusting, and absolutely outrageous! They had all been together ever since they were small - so now, why now, did it seem that they were all going to fall apart and live separate lives?

Well, he knew not to blame the said British man, but there was something inside his gut that made him want to rip the other apart. Yet…the dilemma was _not _Arthur, it was something else that made him want to quarrel more against Alfred.

And yet he couldn't.

Alfred's mind was set, and he could do nothing about it.

His dilemma now was to face someone he detested from long ago.

**------------------------------------------**

"What's he like?" Arthur asked as they were now finding their respective seats in the small, empty airplane. Kiku had done well to find their own private plane to New York in order to make Arthur's travel more comfy than the last ones he took in his escape trip.

Basically no one knew where they were headed, and all the media knew was that Arthur was simply ill and would be skipping the next few programs due to his sickness. No one, these days, wanted to get anywhere near a victim to whatever, so they all agreed to stay away from the sick celebrity.

"Well, he's rather obnoxious at moments, he's loud when he wants to be, and yet he's also very charming and nice at some moments." Kiku replied rather fondly as he took a sip of the first class wine the fly attendant had given them to enjoy their small trip.

Arthur couldn't help but feel a little more relaxed to hear that their private host was sort of the kind, much more _real_ type of human.

He didn't want to handle someone who knew him as a celebrity or that would be a problem.

"You'll like him - he's a close friend, and even though we've been apart from each other for nearly fifteen years, doesn't mean we've lost any contact at all." Kiku smiled wider while laughing. "He's kind, so don't worry."

**------------------------------------------**

Liechtenstein had felt rather worried after Alfred had left. She had felt some strange aura surrounding the said man after dropping off Arthur the past few weeks ago. It was strange, but there was something wrong with Alfred that she could, sadly, not place her finger on.

Pacing back and forth in the dining room the young woman let out a small whine. She had never felt so frustrated in her life with figuring out Alfred's thoughts, and at this moment, she was frantically trying to search for every clue that would lead him to open up to her. And yet, everything right now was so obscure, so dark for her to find out or realize what was wrong with him.

"I'm his fiancée…I should find out soon." She spoke calmly trying to calm herself down as she finally sat down on a vacant seat.

Right now her brother and Alfred were being stubborn, and she could easily see the momentary clashes the two would make whenever she turned her back around from them. It was disheartening! Vash, in all his life with Alfred, had never seemed to argue with her brother unless it was that time when Alfred had proposed to her out of the blue - but now seeing her sibling almost in fury against the said man was really worrying her.

Alfred was the worse though.

The said man was incomprehensible. He had been avoiding nearly everyone these past few days, especially closing himself off to her. There was some bothersome thing going on that she knew nothing about which increased her stress.

**------------------------------------------**

It was pouring hard and Alfred was finding it increasingly difficult to drive through the muddy, gravel road. The trees where swaying violently, almost as if there was a typhoon going on, but it was just regular weather - he was used to it.

"Damn it. I'm 30 minutes late." Alfred muttered while speeding up and finding himself, finally in the city.

The rain was harsh, and yet he found it his duty to go and pick up Kiku.

It had been so long since the last two had talked, and there was so much things he had to say to him. So much unsaid words.


	9. Realization

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Nine: **Realization

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**Author's Notes: **I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a huge time, despite it being Summer Vacation. I was at Orientation for college the last two days, and I was exhausted and scared to death of my future! Seriously, becoming a Nurse is going to be so hard - and simply thinking of living in school just frightens me! Well, like always - please read and review! I'll update as quick as I can!

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Sure, when they were little they were the best of friends. Inseparable to say the least; nothing tore them apart less it was an argument caused by one or the other. He would always remember how they played amongst the fields together while their parents discussed friendly topics concerning the new hospital being built close to his home or other "grown-up" things. Wang was always with them too, shouting at how foolish they were and acted, and on the most part, he was more of a parent than a friend.

Despite their lasting friendship; during their childhood years, Alfred, as a little child, upon first meeting Kiku, thought of the young, pale, foreign boy to be something else. He was interesting to him; something new. It wasn't just because the boy was a minority; but there was something about him that always made Alfred's heart beat rather rapidly.

To say the least, Kiku was Alfred's first crush, and he did admit it.

Well, maybe it was because Kiku had that feminine touch that made Alfred, at first, think that the young boy was a girl. Ever since he learned the truth, though, he still couldn't help but not erase those prohibited feelings. It was completely _wrong_, but he loved the other so much.

He remembered foolishly and regretfully when he had confided to his parents about this sickening feeling. How when he always saw that one person his heart would race or he would feel funny inside, and when they heard who his possible crush was, they were in terrible rage or concern.

He even remembered them getting a psychiatrist at one point, and often times they also told him to apologize to God for his sins and foolish actions or blamed themselves for being sinful.

He chose to forget how he felt for Kiku, no matter how much Kiku seemed to reciprocate his feelings back.

It was just _impossible_. For them, at least.

And now, they were somehow back together. A miracle, he would say, despite their occasional email updates to and from one another, Alfred never thought of seeing Kiku again.

Never.

The rain was subsiding for the time being, and the windshield wipers were now rendered useless for this type of weather. Alfred was making it closer to the airport where Kiku had just called him telling him of where he and his friend where currently at, he was thirty minutes late though, and he hoped the two weren't too angry.

It was all Vash's fault though. The recent argument they had concerning his generosity was _not_ at all the way to end the day and he found their arguing time consuming. Look where it go him now?

He parked his smaller convertible in a vacant space and jogged towards the entrance. All he needed to do now was search frantically for a small Japanese man and some other guy the chap brought over. Well, it wasn't hard to find Kiku, actually.

His phone vibrated and Alfred took his time to answer while surveying the scene with interest. "Cold, cold." Kiku's voice was laughing softly, Alfred turned his head towards the right, "You're getting warmer." Kiku was smiling, and even if Alfred could not see it, he knew he was.

Alfred walked closer, but then halted, finally as a hand grabbed his shoulder softly. He whipped around to find those hazel eyes he almost forgot, but terribly missed. "Ah…um…H-Hey." He stammered turning a little red while Kiku let out a shy chuckle.

It was awkward for the two of them to see one another like this, after all this time, a smile graced both of their lips.

"So where's your friend?" Alfred replied trying to rid of his heated face. He looked up trying to find someone he barely knew.

Kiku smirked, "He went to the bathroom since you were running late. He's a bit pissed off, but don't worry…he's usually not like that." The Japanese smiled jabbing Arthur's arm with a petty annoyance. "Where were you anyways?" The young man asked as he held onto his luggage and gazed up into the warm, sky blue eyes he missed so much as well.

"Arguing with _you know who_." Alfred replied while scratching the back of his head with frustration.

Kiku knew who he was talking about. Even though he rarely met Vash; he moved in when Kiku was moving out, he knew sorts of things said from Alfred through his email.

"Don't worry, I solved everything though it'll be fine." Alfred sighed while glancing at the restroom every now and then. "Does your friend take _this long?" _He joked lightly while Kiku shoved Alfred hard in the ribs.

"He's just nervous. You don't know _how much_ he has to put up with…and he's excited to come back to New York." Kiku defended the other harshly but left off the sentence with a bitter smile.

Alfred gazed back at the younger man and smiled gently, "I'm sure we can make him feel at home."

Kiku let out a laugh, "of course, knowing you - everyone will be fine."

The two continued to chatter about the past, ignoring the shadowy figure lurking behind them. It was quiet, silent, and in apparent shock.

Arthur gazed bewildered at the two standing in front of one another. His face turning red with embarrassment, knowing full well who Kiku's friend was _now_. His heart was racing, this was unexpected! How could he…Oh god, what should he do now? Should he cower behind that fake tree? His mind was spinning, but ultimately he stood there staring at the two happily chatting.

Alfred could feel someone standing behind them, maybe it was the person Kiku invited? He twirled around to greet the fellow, but he found himself just staring in silence.

"Ah, there you are Arthur!" Kiku replied gleefully while taking the stoic Briton by the hand and leading him closer to Alfred. "This is my childhood friend, Arthur, his name is Alfred." Kiku replied while gazing at the American with a small blush tinting his face.

The two continued to stare at each other with a longing silence. Only their breathing could be heard, and a small touch of their heart beats. Arthur stared into the blue eyes that were now darkening with a melancholic feel.

"Nice to meet you, Arthur." Alfred pretended to not know him while lending out his hand. "I know that we'll be good friends." He let out a smile that Arthur could not explain.

They shook hands, and left towards the car Alfred had brought over.

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He stared awestruck as he turned away from the two people hailing from the UK. His heart was beating rapidly, what _was this?_ How was this even _happening_? The idea of Kiku and Arthur meeting each other, and nonetheless having work with each other everyday, was incomprehensible to him! His cheeks burned red as they traveled towards his smaller car.

At least he didn't bring his beat down truck. He guessed it wouldn't be so bad as last time. Now he knew just what to do!

This celebrity won't catch him off guard _this_ time around!

Meanwhile Arthur sat in the back, uncomfortable as Kiku and Alfred spoke of days long gone by that didn't include him. He was disheartened by the fact that the two were in close proximity to one another, and even more discouraged whenever they would laugh or recall a bad memory that now just became full of laughter.

"Ah, Arthur are you alright?" Alfred would laugh heartily in a strange manner while, every now and then, looking back to see the slightly hurt man. Arthur only nodded while Kiku stared back as well with a timid smile gracing his lips obviously believing that his celebrity was alright. "Don't worry, we're almost there." The American replied when the silence started consuming the vehicle.

On the other hand, Alfred was feeling quite nervous despite his friendly and open behavior towards Arthur. Kiku was perfectly fine since the Japanese knew fully well Alfred's conditions at home - after all the young man did live with him for a couple of months once his parents passed away. Arthur was just the exception.

For some reason Alfred just couldn't and didn't want Arthur to live in his conditions. He was a celebrity after all, a person all the way up there - on a pedestal of society while he was the dirt that carried it.

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Ivan stared darkly at the weather. It was pouring hard now, after that slight moment of stilled climate and now it just had to begin pouring again.

He was in his house at the moment. Despite himself being a luxurious, notorious and wealthy man he had chosen to live in a small, yet comfortable dwelling.

He was in his bedroom at the moment, and had simply nothing to do. Lately, he was losing interest in everything ever since that one patient left him for a more ridiculous hospital.

Seriously. He never really understood how it was better to transfer to a more closer area with outdated materials- when his hospital had the best of the best.

His forehead is now touching the cold, glossy windowpane. His violet eyes gazing at his obscure reflection as he bit hard on his lower lip causing it to bleed if only a little. The iron tasting liquid fills his mouth only a little and he smirks while wiping his purple lips. He carefully traces the blood and smears it against the window with small satisfaction while writing one name.

"Why…why did you leave me….? I don't understand." He whispers crazily as he gazed at the written name now covering parts of his reflection. "Alfred…why?"

The next morning he woke up in bits of confusion hoping maybe that Alfred had returned to him. To his disappointment the young man did not, and he was left finding himself all alone again. He sighed trying to erase his bitter thoughts and he got up to take a cold shower, change and go to work.

It was going to be another…empty day.

He stepped into the bathroom and slowly stripped himself, then stepping into the shower. He slightly turned the knob and a sprinkle of cold shards of water drenched him painfully and stabbed his pale flesh. He gasped at the feeling, but nonetheless loved the sentiment. He bit his lower lip while gasping and let out a maniacal laugh.

It was now 12, he had a quick breakfast and left wearing his white lab coat in a hurry.

He was late, but no one minded. He knew that, not even the director, could make him apologize. He was, after all, the big figure in the hospital. If he left, everyone else would.

And yet there were many occasions when he desperately tried to leave.

Toris greeted him with one of his other weak and hesitant smiles while Feliks and the new girl, Taiwan both saluted him with silence.

"Our first patient is an elder man who is going to undergo an x-ray." Ivan replied while checking out his documents given to him by Toris who was on his way back from a meeting with the head. "All you need to do is prepare him for it, do whatever he wants and needs." The Russian muttered and placed the clipboard on his desk while gazing outside his window.

"Yes sir!" He heard the two scramble out the door while skidding against the marble floor and rushing towards the waiting room where the patient and his wife were awaiting for his turn.

It was now peaceful and Ivan could find himself thinking rather than strategically wondering what to do with his RNs. He hated how useless they were unless you told them to do something, sometimes he wished it was like the old days where he did _everything_. It was more efficient and quick rather than having to wait for their trained replies. But hospitals were getting full and demanded for new workers, and now he was stuck with this awful condition.

The sky was a brilliant blue, just like Alfred's eyes. He hated it very much, but despite how much it seemed to annoy him greatly he couldn't help but fall in love with that warm color.

"Sir, we've finished preparations!" Feliks retorted while gasping with a flushed and sweaty face. Ivan nodded and retreated towards the hallway.

The man wasn't that old looking despite his age. He was more of a youthful, robust man who was arguing with his wife how he shouldn't be going under this operation despite his awful illness.

"Don't worry sir, everything will be fine. We're only examining your body for today." Taiwan replied while trying to force the man down who seemed to be reluctant.

Ivan sighed. Another damn day in this weather….

It would be so much more interesting if Alfred was here, he was sure.

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It was strange, in all his life he hadn't sneezed so many times in one day and now Kiku was getting worried. "Are you sure you don't have a cold?" He asked rather maternal-like while touching Alfred's forehead with care and uneasiness. Arthur still remained silent and observed the two rather warily.

"No! I'm fine!" The American replied while gazing fretfully back at the road. They were now reaching their destination, and he was _not_ going to look like a weakling in front of both Kiku and _the_ Arthur Kirkland.

"Well then, if you're fine - I guess someone's thinking of you." Kiku teased, jabbing Alfred's cheeks with his index finger. "I wonder who could it be?" He chided on while the farms boy turned various shades of red. Arthur, secretly in the back, turned feverishly scarlet as well.

The car was parked in front of the house and Kiku complimented on how long he had been there. Alfred was taking out the luggage and was adamant to take all of Arthur's baggage - finding himself too proud to let the celebrity take his stuff on his own.

"A-Are you sure?" The Briton murmured softly as Alfred dug into the back of his car to get the heavy baggage under his arms.

"Yes, I'm fine - Just go inside, alright?" Came the soft reply as the young man walked alongside him with a few supplies.

Kiku followed after them.

Upon reaching the house, Liechtenstein opened the door welcoming their guests and seemed to be quite shocked to see Arthur once more. "Ah, welcome back!" She chirped, confusing Kiku who was looking awkwardly at her.

"Oh! Liechtenstein! T-Thank you." The manager whispered with a face of embarrassment. "I thought you might have forgotten me." He replied in confusion.

Their gaze met one another in awkward and bashful silence while they looked around trying to catch their attention towards something more fascinating.

To Liechtenstein, Kiku was somewhat of a danger sign that had once captured Alfred's affection while to Kiku, Liechtenstein was…more of an old rival, and his job was to mend their broken ties.

"Who is it?" Came a rough voice, and Vash appeared while polishing his gun once more. Kiku swore he had never seen the young man part with that weapon. It had been his father's favorite, and the young Japanese knew well how much Vash treasured the said item.

He would never let anyone touch it.

"Ah. So it's you." Vash murmured turning around, but not directing his words to any of the two.

Alfred had re-entered the house carrying the luggage. "Is anything the matter?" He asked as the house became quiet and filled to the brim with an unwelcoming atmosphere.

"We've prepared dinner." Liechtenstein murmured in a distraught voice while managing her hair, trying to keep her cool while Kiku eyed her calmly.

Arthur was the only one that felt misplaced as each and everyone of them came to each other's attention. His heart was beating, and slowly he began to think on how much he was regretting to ever wanting to come back here.

"You alright, Arthur?" A voice murmured and he found Alfred's beautiful blue eyes gazing back at him with unexplainable emotion. "If you don't feel well, you can always lie down…" He replied quietly while directing himself to a room.

Once Arthur stepped in, he found the room to be very…nice. White sheets and carpet, that replaced the wooden, sturdy flooring on the other rooms. The curtains were a silky snow white while the window was polished up and reflected images very accurately. The lighting was different, and…to say the least it did not look like a part of Alfred's farm.

"What is this room?" Arthur whispered softly, feeling Alfred's gaze fall on him.

"…It's my room."

Come to think of it…Arthur never ventured through Alfred's house, and had always been directed towards his own room. He had never been in this white quarters until now, and had to ask himself why he never noticed?

At that time, when he kissed the American (shamefully), he had kissed the fallen man on the couch who had accidentally dozed off after a hard days work.

….This room. It was a perfect room.

He wondered why was it so misplace?

"When I was little I was very sickly." Alfred commented and went towards his bed, sitting on it and feeling how soft the mattress was for good measure. "And so, despite poverty, my parents asked Kiku's family…sorry, they were…doctors, to help me." He smiled bitterly. "In the end, my parents paid a lot to make this room despite poverty, so Kiku's parents had the highest technology and cleanest room to quarantine me." He was flustered while he turned red.

"I'm fine though. This was when I was a child - my illness is gone, though." He shrugged. "I'm just left with diabetes and asthma…that's it, no big problem." His voice and eyes seemed to tell the truth and he stepped towards Arthur with a slight warm expression written all over his face.

"I hope you rest well."

Arthur never understood why Alfred gave him such a precious room. A room filled with so much painful memories. It was not for him to be able to rest in such a delicate area, and yet…Alfred was adamant to make him stay there.

He sat on the cushioned mattress and gazed at the white flooring.

Alfred was being strange, and despite their long departure, it was unfair for the American to have to treat him so peculiarly.

Or maybe…

Was it?

Did he find out?

A quick realization formed within him.

The American ignoring him, the constant strange stares, and the unusual generosity…seemed to break his heart.


	10. Dirt

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Ten: **Dirt

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**Author's Notes: **Thank you for everyone who has been reading this fan fiction! I hope that you all continue to read and review, like always! I'm speculating that it might become more…dramatic and angst later on. I've been trying to put as much angst as I could - but it takes time to develop characters and their feelings…If mines are any at all developed.

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That white room, his room, would always hold those delicate memories no matter what.

To be honest, he had lied about his whole illness to Arthur. His disease was not gone. How could it be? If it were so, he would have removed that room as quickly as possible, it was disgusting to him… - but that was the only good room to fit Arthur in. It was perfect, white, beautiful - nothing like the shabby areas his house was known for.

He didn't care though - despite the room's comfortable appearance and atmosphere, it was more appropriate for Arthur's status rather than him.

After all, he was still the dirt carrying that pedestal.

Alfred traveled down to the first floor finding Kiku and Liechtenstein in a light and airy conversation. The two seemed to be awkward around one another, one looking away while the other staring at his cup of homemade tea. He decided to leave the two alone, he knew how they were together but always hoped for them to come to good terms.

When they were little Liechtenstein and Kiku never rarely spoke to one another. He never knew why, but there was some string of hints that kept tugging in the back of his mind. They always seemed hostile, but never threatening when they were in the same room.

He crept outside to the backyard finding Vash and Matthew speaking quietly amongst themselves on fresh tree stumps. They were talking about some sort of scheduling for the next things to be done on the farm, but stopped abruptly when he came to join in on their fun.

"So how are the two guests?" Matthew replied sweetly as he stared at his brother who seemed to be weary and guilt-ridden for some reason. Alfred looked away for a couple of seconds while scratching the back of his head.

"They're fine. Just tired." He responded automatically as their eyes met. Vash had remained quiet the whole conversation and stared at the fields growing rapidly before them. An eerie silence was covering the whole area as the three seemed to become uneasy.

"When is dinner?" Vash asked all of a sudden, trying to make noise for the uneasy silence to disappear. Alfred gazed back at the house while letting out a sigh.

"About 30 minutes…" He assumed and sat on the ground below him.

"I don't understand why you even wanted to bring them here." Vash muttered in disbelief while gazing at the cattle herding themselves slowly on a small slope. Young ones were following their mothers while the adults lazily wandered around with each other. "…Especially that Arthur. I thought he was gone for good."

Vash's tone was very unpleasant, especially to Alfred as the young man crouched down while sitting on a huge rock on his knees. He was surveying the landscape with the same intense silence, but a more crazed emotion ran through his eyes.

"Now, now…it's not the time to argue." Matthew piped up while holding onto his brother's hand, knowing full well Alfred was about ready to rage.

Matthew knew well how Alfred was when he was in the fit of rage. It was frightening, disheartening, and scary. He did not know where his brother got that strange behavior, but he remembered how much it made his mother sad and father angry.

"Let's go back in shall we?" His brother murmured softly under his breath while lifting himself up from the soft grass beneath. Matthew nodded while getting up himself, "Vash…let's go, alright?" Alfred asked quietly while staring hard at the young man who was occupied with the landscape.

"I'll come in a moment." The quiet one whispered while staring back into the nothingness.

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When Alfred and Matthew both entered the dining room, everyone was seated, except for Vash who was still outside and now found walking the cattle back to the barn. Everyone was silent and in a defensive mood, each of them feeling threatened by one another.

For Liechtenstein it was more of Kiku who was threatening her position as Alfred seemed to have more affection for the Japanese than her (it was her speculation, not his though). This feeling, however, was purely from the past - which could never change.

Kiku was feeling overwhelmed by Liechtenstein's constant bitter frowns, and feigned smiles, Alfred noticed his fidgety movements whenever their eyes met.

But…Arthur…he was in the worse position. The young Briton looked pale, sick, and even discouraged to eat on the same table with the rest. Alfred grew worried, but remained soundless. There was nothing else for him to do but help when asked.

It came to his decision, when Arthur suddenly left during dinner, that he had to do something at least to ease the young celebrity.

Arthur had entered the white room and was seated on the bed, tears were forming up - but not until Alfred appeared that the young man tried desperately to hide them.

"Are you alright?" Alfred asked as he stepped towards Arthur who gazed at him with some uneasiness.

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"Are you alright?" Alfred replied to him, and the first thought that came up in Arthur's mind was nothing but pure anger.

As if he felt alright.

Having been ignored for the past few hours, and then being threatened by the presence of all residents, excluding Matthew, just was perfectly _fine_.

He was sour, but chose to hide his feelings perceptively, he didn't want to worry Alfred. Alfred was in a different world - a world of his own, and Arthur did _not_ want to drag him into his life.

"I'm peachy." He blurted out with sarcasm. It was by accident, he swore, but the way Alfred's blue eyes widen in shock made him feel even more guilty.

"…No, tell me. You're my guest." Alfred replied through feigned cheery demeanor, Arthur swore something was going on in Alfred's mind as the young American seemed to ponder and ignore his presence even more.

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"Alright, so…where exactly _are_ they?" Francis questioned his manager through his cell phone as he gazed lazily from outside his apartment. "What? Really? When did they ever tell _that_ to the press?" Yawned the man who was now venturing through his kitchen to have a quick snack before he went to work again in the middle of night. "Really? Well, _I_ wasn't there." He muttered defensively while looking slightly annoyed as he sat down in his dining table. "Non, I'll be there soon. No, no, no I'm just resting up a bit before my interview." He replied while biting on his meal with dissatisfaction.

He stared absentmindedly at the vanitas paintings in front of him, completely bored despite the food occupying his attention.

Ever since Arthur had been _mysteriously_ disappearing to who knows where, Francis had never had the opportunity to have any fun with the young, "busy" man- and his only escape was with Seychelles of course, but that was a different topic.

He sighed while taking out a small pack of cigarettes and placing one in his mouth. He turned on his lighter and began to leisurely smoke while gazing outside his patio. "Now where are you, Kirkland?" Francis muttered to himself while shaking his golden locks and gazing through the landscape among the skyscrapers; hoping for an idea to pop up in his mind.

Well, there was always Seychelles, but she _always_ was good at keeping secrets….however, he may change that. A smirk replaced that concerned frown on his face and he turned away from the patio to view the phone nearby his coffee table.

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They both sat in the white room gazing at one another with uncertain feelings bounding to make havoc. Arthur was now under the crisp white sheets while gazing at Alfred who was seating himself on one of the white stools in front of the colorless drawer.

It was soundless, but the two both needed it as they pondered for careful words - hoping not to hurt the other.

Alfred had to admit that he was stupid for having ignored the Briton, but his heart kept racing whenever he thought of how much the celebrity had hidden away from _him_ which ultimately led him to become quite…anti-social when with the young man.

But still….

Making Arthur suffer was still a bad thing….

"I'm sorry." The two replied suddenly both flushing red with humiliating as they both registered the words they conveyed to one another. Arthur looked away trying to stammer something while Alfred turned around his face heated for no apparent reason.

"…I…didn't want to make you worry…so…I…" Arthur began while gazing at the wall in front of him now, and his back to Alfred. "…I…"

"It's fine." Alfred stood up ready to leave, feeling humiliated at his childish behavior towards the exhausted celebrity. However as soon as he was about to escape that room a hand grasped his wrist and he turned to face shining green eyes.

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It had been silent ever since the two guests arrived and Matthew was beginning to feel nervous as Liechtenstein fidgeted in her seat while Kiku was trying to make a conversation. By this time, Vash had appeared and was in no mood to eat dinner to taken a back to have two guests with them despite their shabby dwelling.

"So…why don't we play some icebreakers?" Matthew offered, but all three (despite Kiku's interest) denied the game leaving the young man to stare in silence himself.

He wondered what the two were up to. He hadn't heard from both Alfred and Arthur since after the meal and was questioning their activities upstairs.

Liechtenstein looked at him the same way, her face flushed with visible worry as she sat there answering few questions Kiku had given off to her to ease their relationship.

"I'll be back here, excuse me." Matthew smiled while heading towards the second floor himself.

There was pure tranquility on the second floor - no noise stirred in any corner.

He found himself walking in a moment where his brother seemed to be hesitant.

Arthur was staring at Alfred who remained motionless, but not at all void of emotion. The two were continuously gazing at one another, ignoring Matthew who had appeared in the room not too long ago.

"….Arthur…do you know what you're doing?" Alfred asked with his voice cracking. The young Briton just continued to stare up at him with a pleading look as he clutched onto Alfred's arm. "Arthur…please don't make me do this." Matthew's twin looked hurt as he tried to pull away from the other man's grasp, gently.

He failed of course, but he did not make another move as he continued to look sympathetically at the young man who was trying his best to hold onto him.

"….Just stay for a little while…I just don't like the atmosphere below." Arthur murmured while biting his lower lip and resting his head against Alfred's arm.

They stayed in that position for quite a while, and at this time Matthew decided to retreat.

He bit his lower lip in confusion. What to do? Downstairs sat Alfred's fiancée and former crush, and not to mention…fiancée's brother…

Matthew knew well who Alfred loved, liked, and disliked. He knew how much his twin was in love with Kiku at one point, and how much he began to fall for Liechtenstein. Unfortunately, he knew well that Liechtenstein had just become a replacement after that one day when the young man left all of a sudden to escape an unmentioned fate.

But Arthur…was the newest addition.

He climbed downstairs finding everyone smiling timidly at one another, with the exception of Vash, and playing a small card game or magic trick (Kiku was the one playing the tricks). "So how is Arthur?" The Japanese asked while gazing at Matthew who smiled nervously around them.

"Fine, just a little tired…Alfred's just asking him questions concerning comfort." His reply was automatic and quick, and the three sitting around the dining table gazed at one another in slight suspicion.

"You sure?" Kiku asked standing up ready to check it out himself, but Matthew stood in his way with a fluttery chuckle.

"Yes, yes. Why would I lie?" The twin was flustered. " Have I ever _lied_?" He asked feeling hurt and showing it with his violet, shimmering gaze.

"I'm so sorry…" The Japanese manager sat back down and covered his face with an apologetic stare.

"N-n-no it's fine!" Matthew stammered turning red with embarrassment. This was going to be a long vacation…for all of them.

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The smell of blood filled his nostrils as he fluttered his eyes open to see nothing but the white, clinic room he was in. Ivan let out a sigh - he must have passed out during that one operation.

He couldn't help it.

He wasn't an _awful_ doctor. For heaven's sake, why would they let him in if he would black out in only _one_ operation? He just didn't have his nutrition. That was it…and that's what he kept telling himself.

He had a strange dream concerning a certain blonde, and was rudely awoken by a knock probably received by one of his RNS who wanted to check on him.

He sighed taking off his lab coat and staring back outside.

The weather was disgustingly beautiful.

It may be a good day to drive leisurely.

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Toris had entered the room where Feliks and Taiwan had placed him after his common faint. He was breathing hard after running up the stairs since the elevator had been jammed and the escalators closed for inspection. Some good hospital this was…"I hope he's still in there." The young man replied to no one in particular while checking the room numbers and opening his doctor's door.

No one was there.

"…Oh no."

If there was one thing Ivan would do if he were to disappear on a day's work, it would be going over to see the man he despised the most.

Wang Yao.

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He was not fond of him. Never, why should he be? After the said man took away his most…cherished patient, he had not been in the mood to think properly and was almost always in a state of chaos other than being in the hospital.

The hospital was like his home…it made him feel clean, pure…unstained by blood that took over his life.

Until…Alfred left that is…

He remembered the moment he stepped into Alfred's room there was a smile that always greeted him rather than a nervous grin or a pathetic frown that normally graced other patient's lips.

Alfred would always ask him, "How's life?" As if his wasn't bad at all while he finished reading a magazine. The same one, over and over again - but with no boredom at all. The blue eyes were disgusting, but equally luring and he always found himself inviting himself into the young man's room despite constant bickering from the head and patient's family.

Alfred was more like a savior from this gloomy place.

"So…how's work?" He remembered the blonde questioning him with the smiling eyes that always seemed to make his own violet ones respond back happily. "It wasn't hard was it?" The young boy looked worried, but after he responded that 'no, he had a normal day,' that smile would always come back up.

He remembered how much he longed to see those happy features rather than the ones where most patients yelled, cried, or remained silent as if they were going to _die_ in his care. None of them ever died…but they left the hospital as if they've seen a ghost.

Alfred was the only one that kept revisiting him with the retained joy written all over his face. "Welcome back!" He would always reply with a laugh, and then in a matter of seconds seem to make his own heart laugh with a joy he would normally not be able to understand.

He was given humanity despite his scary appearance. And had learned from Alfred the joys of life.

It was taken away though.

One day he entered the room only to find it empty. His heart broke, and with that, all the joy that Alfred had given him poured out of him in an instant. He was outraged, and asked the other doctors, even the director where the young patient had gone - but they would always give those fake, disgusting smiles at him. And with the same reply, they all tell him that…, "He's better."

_Who was_ better? He didn't know, but after that he couldn't help but laugh and smile _all_ the time. Those smiles his colleagues gave to him, feigned and disgusting…and apathetic. He would give his own smiles back - show how awful and untrusting they could be. Awful, and doubt. His smiles would make all of his patients realize…how much doubt their could be in their own lives.

But there was still some lingering in his heart. Some vague sense of hope that seemed to have infiltrated his cold heart.

It was one day where Toris had blurted out to him where Alfred was. The young man was absolutely terrified one day after seeing him hurt himself with drugs that he seemed to love spending after Alfred had disappeared. "He's in the country! Near his home…A Mr. Yao is his new doctor!" He sobbed while clutching onto his arm and taking away the needles the he had brought over secretively from his home.

A smile graced his lips, but his eyes were too focused on all the things he was going to do to that one man.


	11. Hesitations

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Eleven: **Hesitations

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**Author's Notes: **Again, thank you very much for those who've taken their time to read my story! I'm glad to have so many supportive people, and like always I will try to update as much as I can. For now, please _Read _and _Review_, like always! RIP, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Farah Fawcett.

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They stood there in close proximity, feeling the warmth the other had to give, and yet there was something about this feeling that grew between them that seemed so _wrong_. Well, to Alfred at least. He just stood there as Arthur lay his head against him, their eyes never meeting, but their hearts slowly synchronizing. Their breathing softened, but their hearts began to beat even louder.

It was until then, a rustle of movement alerted them, and the position and synchronization were disconnected. Alfred heated up while Arthur began to realize his stupidity in leading the American on. "Well…I better start finishing today's chores." The farms boy muttered to himself, too ashamed to look anyone in the eye as he began to leave the white, pristine room.

Arthur just gazed back after him, too ashamed, as well.

**---------------------------------------**

If there was one thing Alfred F. Jones hated, it would be surprises - and the moment he stepped into that white room his heart nearly flipped after the young Brit gently touched him. Don't get him wrong, he actually did love surprises, but the light-hearted and happy ones. Not the confusing and angst ones like his current feelings for Arthur.

He walked downstairs in a slump while he managed to avoid Liechtenstein and his brother who were then trying to make Kiku comfortable. "Ah, Alfred - Kiku and I were just talking about…" Liechtenstein stared at her fiancé who was then ignoring her while gazing outside a window from the kitchen area. He buried his face into his arms while he leaned on the island in the middle of the room. "Alfred?"

**---------------------------------------**

She stared at him for what seemed like forever, but he still didn't take notice to her voice or anything. Her eyes wavered for a moment, but she brought herself confidence as she strode towards his figure and placed her small hand on his back rubbing it back and forth with a timid, but broken smile.

"…Alfred…?" She whispered while she buried her head against his collar and breathed softly; her breath tickling the nape of his neck.

He did not budge. He chose not to move. If only her voice, was the thing that frightened him the most. The timid and kind words she spouted made him grow more fearful as his heart started turning into betrayal. "Alfred…?" She mouthed while whisking her fragile fingers around his golden mane.

Why was he so _confused_?

The answer was right in front of him!

He didn't know what to do or say. He knew that she was trying to comfort him, but there was nothing he could do to comfort or reassure her. He was in a state of confusion. Wasn't….Arthur Kirkland _engaged_? His heart fluttered trying to recollect any pieces of information about the celebrity living under his household.

A sigh escaped his moist lips as he thought hard, but failed to gain any data. There was always…Kiku. Maybe he would speak with his childhood friend later on tonight?

Liechtenstein, at that time, lifted herself from her position and fled to her room. A small muffled cry escaped from her, but he chose not to hear it.

He shifted his head up to see the empty room. Liechtenstein left to her own bedroom probably angry at him…and Matthew was with Kiku and Vash who were all going to the fields. Probably for reminiscing purposes… he heard them talking about heading towards the area for fun, a couple of minutes ago…

A small tug pulled his heart, and he gazed quickly at the nearest comfort zone.

A weak and painful cry reached his lips as he headed towards one of the couches to rest. His heart was in pain at the moment and his eyes widened. Was he having _another _attack?

**---------------------------------------**

Arthur heard something strange from below, but he was too focused on his embarrassment to turn his attention to an unknown source. He bit his lower lip. He was an idiot, Alfred probably knew he was engaged….and he led him on. What was he doing?

He should act more responsibly…but he was having so much…more fun relaxing…

There he goes again! He shook his head furiously while glaring at himself from the stainless mirror in front of his bedside.

He used to look so pale and frightened by any remarks - but now, he was gaining more health. A lot more tan and vigorous rather than his weak and fragile side. Maybe it was because of the weather going on? He didn't know, but he seemed to like not having the media follow him all the time.

A huge knock came from below, grabbing his attention once more and then another muffled noise came following after. He then chose to see what was going on, albeit hesitantly.

Walking slowly down the stairs, he heard a voice weakly shouting to himself. It was Alfred's.

"Shit. Shit!" He heard Alfred's voice echoing, and as he stepped closer to the room found the young man wracking his body against the couch while trying to cling onto the leather armchair and his shirt as tightly as he could.

Sweat trickled down his body, and Arthur couldn't help but stare - too confused and amazed to even help the person in front of him. "Damn it." Whispered the blonde, who then seemed to be breathing awkwardly and then closing his eyes ready to collapse in any moment.

In Arthur's point of view, Alfred's body glistened with the perspiration he was shedding. Blue eyes suddenly locked onto his green ones, and they stared at one another until Alfred mouthed something before falling, and breathing heavily.

Arthur's daydreaming snapped, and he went towards the closest person for help - to Liechtenstein.

**---------------------------------------**

She was awoken abruptly from her short nap, and she then found herself running towards the room where Alfred lay. Her heart skipped frantically as she went through appropriate preparations for Wang to come over, while searching teary-eyed at her fiancé who was blacked out.

Arthur simply watched, as the young woman sat beside the other man while gracing her finger tips at his pallid cheeks. Tears seemed to stroll down her soft face, as her eyes twinkled at his sleeping figure.

The door burst open, and Matthew arrived with Wang after driving crazily towards the doctor's house just to retrieve him. It was the same man, Arthur had spotted on his first visit - but never got to see a total glimpse of him, just a bit in that black vehicle.

"Alright, alright - I need complete privacy and silence!" The doctor grumbled while tying up his black hair in a tight tail. Matthew scurried off to where Kiku and Vash stood in the farthest room to the right. Liechtenstein however was adamant to stay with Alfred, leaving Wang to sigh in irritability. "Fine, fine. What about _you_?" The young Chinese asked while gazing at him harshly.

Arthur chose to retreat with the others.

**---------------------------------------**

Wang was in complete irritation. First of all he had to deal with some particular visitor who arrived with a hidden (but most likely ridiculous) agenda, and then was thrust over to Alfred's house the other second. It was absolutely chaotic considering his family position at the moment, but also he had to keep in mind that it _has _been a while since Alfred had paid a visit for a check-up. He should remind Matthew, _again_, before shouting at the twins for their idiocy.

Alfred was absolutely unreliable on check-ups.

He sighed while feeling Alfred's forehead, and then taking the young man's temperature after putting on latex gloves, of course. He then asked a few questions concerning the young patient's diet - which Liechtenstein had answered very certainly that Alfred had been checking on every thing he ate. "Good, you know how diabetes works." Wang muttered and look at the liability in front of him.

"Has he been taking too much sugar, or too little?" The doctor asked once more and got an appropriate answer from the young girl.

Alfred's eyes fluttered open and found Wang gazing at him with concern and obviously seemed upset. "Nice to see you again." The doctor grumbled while forcing him to lay his head down against the pillow his head was on. "Lay and relax, I'm doing your check-up here." He replied seriously while glaring at him. "Honestly, Alfred F. Jones, I don't understand _why_ you have to put me in such a difficult situation. Check-ups are only 6 months."

"Sorry." Was his reply as he sighed and closed his eyes to sleep.

Wang let out a small hint of annoyance, but smiled nonetheless. "Well, I can never get upset with you - can I?" His voice dragged as he gazed at his patient.

Liechtenstein looked at the young doctor curiously.

"Of course, he's like a little brother to me." The man coughed, blushing furiously. "Nothing else." He sighed and smiled at the sleeping figure.

The door creaked open, and the three other men peered out of the small crack that let in the light from the other room.

Vash seemed quite embarrassed to have the doctor over, while Matthew looked crazily at his brother - checking for any signs of breathing (obviously being very protective). Arthur gazed at Alfred worriedly checking every breath and counting each second the next one was to be had.

Kiku was the only one not gazing.

**---------------------------------------**

At the moment, his brother was in the room with Alfred. His heart was pounding hard as he thought of words to say, or ideas to do.

He forgot all about how many chances he could meet his sibling. He was _stupid_ for not having calculated this.

He was never really on good terms with his brother ever since he left the house to pursue his career. Wang was the responsible and paternal one, but he was too…he just had his dreams - and it would take more than his brother's ostracizing than to break him.

That's how he ended up with Arthur. He took up his dreams, carried it with him to London, and then got an interview and then a job. It was the prime of his life when he began to schedule every important meeting with top celebrities and earn great amount of money for something he loved.

Unlike his brother, Wang lived with a determined mind - set on completing their parents' legacy - or in other words, the hospital, that in the end, forced 3 of their siblings to run amok from the family with their own decisions.

He sighed while leaning against the wooden wall behind him. Wang should have understood that despite their upbringing, they would never…meet their parent's expectations.

Because in the end, it was just Wang's.

He then chose to hide away from his brother in the farthest room, staring at the family portraits Alfred held on the rustic piano.

**---------------------------------------**

Wang left in a hurry - talking in a fast fashion about taking care of his sick, younger sibling - Hong Kong. Kiku was not surprised, the youngest sibling was always more attached to the oldest.

A sigh escaped everyone's lips as they heard Alfred would be alright. He just needed to rest after a hard day of work. Wang spoke of his heart having high tensions, which was ultimately bad for everyone, but particularly on this "fragile man."

He left with wise words, before entering his car and driving full-speed ahead to his home.

Kiku watched his brother leave with timidity while holding onto his shirt, feeling his heart beat rather quickly.

"Are you alright?" Arthur questioned his manager while placing his hand on the man's shoulder. Kiku nodded, and let out a small smile.

"I'm fine, Mr. Kirkland."

**---------------------------------------**

The day ended in silence since Alfred was still fast asleep - and Arthur couldn't help but think on what to do with the others.

He never really had a full day alone, without Alfred - and so the night was awkward, especially to the guests, who thrived on Alfred's enthusiasm and kindness.

Everyone seemed hostile - except Matthew, who was trying to ease the tension between the two groups. Siblings were seated at the right hand of the room while the guests stared solemnly at them from the left.

"So…What do you guys want to do?" Matthew tried lightening up the atmosphere while smiling sheepishly with his hand behind his golden locks.

"…I'm a bit tired." Liechtenstein mumbled with saddened eyes. "I'll go take a rest now, excuse me." She smiled bitterly while leaving the men to take to her bedroom.

She left no sooner than a minute, followed by Vash who never seemed to approve of their coming.

Matthew and the other two gazed at one another - completely out of it.

It was no fun with Alfred asleep, that's what they all had to admit.

"So, how are you guys doing?" Matthew had to ask as he found Vash and Liechtenstein's behavior out of the normal (well for Liechtenstein at least). "It wasn't too harsh was it?" He smiled nervously with sweat trickling down his face.

Kiku answered positively, but Arthur's mind was stuck on Alfred who, it seemed, would _never_ wake up! He let out a sigh signaling his current mood.

"Ah, don't worry Arthur, everything will be fine!" The younger twin beamed as he sat next to the young Brit who covered his face in shame.

**---------------------------------------**

Francis let out a pout as Seychelles tossed him out - in complete rage! "Awe, Seychelles, _not now!_" He cried while clutching onto her doorknob and gazing at the tanned, angry woman.

"Francis! For the _last time_, I have _no_ idea!" She fumed and closed the door abruptly with her face heated. The next time he tried to attack her, he would soon…her thoughts trailed as she looked back into the hallway through the peeking hole and found the man slumped over in a childish behavior. A small smile seemed to grace her lips as she let out a pleased laugh.

She had to admit, she was a bit pissed that Arthur never told her _anything_ about his second trip to New York. No wonder he never returned her messages on his voicemail? She hated when he disappeared all of a sudden, and the press ! What would they think? Obviously, Kiku was good in feeding the media's starvation for good healthy feeds, but still….the press would soon catch on.

She sighed while she rest her head against the front door. She hated how Arthur always kept to himself. Why not open up? He hadn't opened up to her since the press got information on their engagement.

It was all their--

Loud banging startled her, as she fell from her position to find Francis screaming. "Open up, _ma chérie!" _Cried the Frenchman who seemed startled himself. "The media is coming!" He sobbed, and she was forced to open the door without thinking.

She should have known Francis would cause this much trouble. He wasn't _that_ of a small celebrity, anyways considering he had a more than strange relationship with Arthur Kirkland. She rubbed her temple and gritted her teeth, stupid…._ugh!_

"How the _hell _did you attract the media?" She shouted while flashes of light started to sparkle on her front door despite it being closed. Murmurs escaped from various excited voices hailing from all around the world. Francis shrugged while hiding somewhere in her kitchen and smiling bashfully and idiotically.

She swore, if looks could kill - she would have killed him 500x by now. Her heart was racing though, as the media seemed to die down and Francis and her were the only ones in the room.

The newspaper was going to be filled with _so much_ surprised tomorrow. Both of them can guarantee that.

**---------------------------------------**


	12. Back and Forth

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Twelve: **Back and Forth

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The next day, Matthew had suggested rather than cooping the guests in the old farm, why not travel around to the city for a while? It tended to get hot easily especially due to the lack of efficient air conditioning during the summer heat, so maybe a trip to the city mall wouldn't hurt? Alfred had allowed them, but decided to remain in his household - too embarrassed and detached to the city to even have a desire to go.

"Please?" Kiku had asked pleadingly for the second time, while clasping his hands together tightly. The young manager was persistent to make Alfred join them, and to his avail - the other man came regretfully and under the influence of his old crush, but a small curiosity lingered on in his mind nonetheless. Arthur had remained quiet, too self-focused as he passed by the two as they began to head towards Matthew's vehicle.

The car was not too shabby, not as horrible condition as Alfred's truck or smaller vehicle - it had sleek leather covered seats, good air conditioning, and enough room for five occupants - something neither Alfred's cars could do or at least feel comfortable in doing.

Kiku sat beside Matthew at the front, while Arthur and Alfred found themselves sitting at the back gazing at one another with spreading blushes. Matthew noticed the tension, but remained silent as Kiku began chatting about several things back at home that both fascinated the two American brothers.

Arthur was oddly quiet; however, making the atmosphere uncomfortable, especially for Alfred, who tried to ease everything down by throwing out a couple of old jokes he learned when he and Matthew were growing up. It did not work, however.

He was still as quiet as ever and leaning against the doorway, staring absentmindedly at the landscape zooming pass by them.

When they had finally reached the shopping district, the four men got out of the car and immediately found themselves hungry after the long trip. Alfred was busily chatting to Kiku about the various places he had been in the city hoping to convince the young Japanese, who favored more of a vegetarian plate, for a meaty dish which was Alfred's current interest. Arthur was busily talking to Matthew about more waiting restaurants rather than the sit-in cafeteria, while at the same time peering at the other American before him.

Alfred's back was facing him like an inevitable wall that he needed desperately to climb. Whenever Alfred turned around with a smile spread across his face his eyes would dart towards is own and then unbeknownst to the American a frown would replace it, while he turned back to Kiku obviously flustered. Alfred made Arthur feel so ashamed. So very much that he almost regretted coming along with the three other men.

Then all of a sudden he found himself walking alongside Alfred, and their shoulders seem to softly brush against one another. Alfred turned his head, a small but weak smile replacing that frown he had shown not too long ago, making him, in return, smile as well. "Alfred, let's sit over there." Kiku replied while looking at a couple of seats in the restaurant they entered in. He clutched onto the American's sleeve and dragged him all the way to the vacant area. Arthur followed behind solemnly while Matthew was up at the desk asking several meal questions that would suit all of his guests.

When Matthew took part in the seating as well, he found Arthur looking a little hesitant and depressed as Alfred and Kiku chided beside each other jokes that Arthur could not understand. "You alright?" Matthew sat next to him while finding the Briton in a flurry of emotions.

He looked like he was going to choke up and sob, but the Briton was too stubborn to show any tears, especially in front of Matthew's brother.

Honestly, Alfred could be such a jerk if something threatens him, Matthew would know since he had, at one point, been a threat to his older brother after he had nearly jeopardized their family legacy: I.e. the farm.

It wasn't his fault though! Alright, well it was, he was an insolent, ignorant, but full of dreams type of person - and the moment he declared leaving the farm to pursue a better education - Alfred had snapped, turned even more stubborn, and managed to ignore him for more than a year. If not two.

But all in all, he seemed to have forgiven him out of some strange religious belief - and even went out to pay for all of his tuition and fees…

Sometimes Alfred was even confusing to Matthew.

"I'm fine." Arthur finally relented while looking at Matthew with a nearly half broken smile. Alfred and Kiku were still ignoring them, now joking around with childhood dreams that seemed to have flown off somewhere else.

"Ah, remember when we were seven, we wanted to produce our own comic together?" Kiku asked softly while gazing at the ceiling wall, his face turning red - ready to burst out laughing and reminding the American how horrible his drawings were.

"Please, don't remind me." Alfred rolled his eyes nearly chuckling while squeezing hard against the ice cold glass of water that he had ordered several minutes ago. The idea of him submitting an awful comic strip to the local city newspaper was very humiliating, but for it to be actually placed into the newspaper was both rewarding and shameful - especially since their were so many critiques that followed after it. "It didn't even make sense." He mused to himself. The editor of the newspaper must have been desperate with the lack of creative individuals in the (at that time) small community.

"May I take your orders?" A waiter finally arrived while smiling lightly to his customers. Alfred went first, ordering a meal consisting of a hamburger and French fries (despite Matthew's protest on how the man should order a different type of meal that would suit the restaurants superior cooking). The others chose some sort of pasta dish or salad.

It was an awfully quiet lunch, and Arthur had to admit - even his own silence kind of bothered him. Kiku and Matthew were obviously busy munching on their meals, but Alfred was quite unusually timid as he ate small bites of his burger. It hardly seemed like a lunch when everyone was finished and Alfred was still left with at least half his meal.

Kiku and him were quite rude to order Alfred to eat his whole meal, but then Matthew was adamant to let Alfred eat quietly or have only small pieces reminding the two of the young man's fragile stomach.

"Unlike us, he can't really…digest things too well." Matthew informed Arthur as they were now strolling outside the outdoor streets of the shopping center. A tinge of guilt hit the young celebrity who had mentally cursed himself for a dozen times as he stole glances at the other American behind him.

Alfred was chewing quietly on a small health bar Matthew had purchased for him after complaining about how his stomach had felt after a couple of hours after lunch. He was silently strolling next to Kiku who was asking him certain questions of the unknown brands they had passed by. Arthur's heart leapt once more as their eyes locked on again.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Arthur murmured while turning red after finding himself idiotic to have asked that question. Matthew smiled back at the man while patting his shoulder reassuringly.

"Everything will be fine." Matthew tried to appease the guilt-ridden Arthur who was now making sure Alfred wasn't lagging behind them - afraid that the man might get lost, or maybe even…he shook his head quickly, obviously over thinking everything. "Just…don't make Alfred feel like a liability…he hates that a lot." The younger twin whispered while waving at Alfred who gave a hand motion to come quick to where Kiku and he wanted to look at.

It was a strange shop consisting of equally awkward items. Matthew always had to question his two friends why they were so interested in superstitious stores - especially this one, which was strangely getting many customers attentions and likings.

The shop was old, and covered and planked by oak wood. The stands were a neatly polished dogwood and they held various jars of lizard legs, dead frogs and even animal skulls that would usually horrify the norm. Alfred and Kiku, however, were not the norm. They were ecstatic to look at thrilling, freakish things - quite interested in the peculiar items as they eyed the glassed items with fascination and cheery demeanor.

Alfred was actually the more superstitious type but Kiku, as always, had another side as they now looked through the shelves finding tarot cards and fortune telling globes. "I wonder how much this is?" Alfred asked himself as he flipped the globe over finding the tag price below. He immediately set it back, confused as to why it would so expensive.

Arthur began to enter as well, fascinated by the freakish things Kiku and Alfred were interested in. Unbeknownst to Matthew, Arthur was a strange celebrity himself who was…intrigued by the supernatural and divine. Actually, he even claimed to have seen magical sprites and faeries, not to mention dwarfs, but because of his status as the most celebrated idol in the UK, he was forced by Kiku to lay it low on the magical world or the press and public would label him officially as a lunatic heartthrob.

"So you're interested in these things too?" Alfred suddenly appeared behind him while holding onto a glass filled with gnats, making Arthur leap as the young Briton nearly screamed his head off. He was never really fond of insects despite his attraction with things closely similar to it.

"W-Well…n-not really." He had to lie since Alfred knew who he really was, but seeing those blue eyes glint with amusement made him change as he tried defending himself. "W-Well, alright fine, I am interested in these things, but it's not like I'm as different." He scoffed as the young man put the bottle onto the highest shelf and let out a grin.

"I never would think _the_ Arthur Kirkland would like these things." He smirked and crossed his arms, as the other man flustered with embarrassment.

---------------------------------------------------

Alfred was sure he needed to ease the tension between him and Arthur and so he needed to at least start a conversation with the young celebrity in order to hide his pained and confused self.

"I never would have thought you liked these things." He suddenly blurted out in sheer stupidity as he scratched the back of his head and found the young celebrity blushing furiously in various shades of red.

Arthur was really cute like that.

Ok, no he did _not_ just **think **that. He tried to shrug the thought off but he would always end up thinking the same thing. Was he…actually starting to _like_ him?

The notion of falling in love with another man, _again_, puzzled him as he looked bewildered at Arthur in a frenzy of competing emotions. He couldn't _possibly_ be in love with the other man! How could he? Who was he to betray others for another one of his kind? He was in love with Liechtenstein wasn't he?

No…he had grown tired…

Arthur continued to stare at him while holding a bunch of tarot cards claiming that he was a very good tarot reader - he seemed flushed but confident in his skills as he commanded Alfred to select a few cards in the palm of his hand.

The cards were long and slender with dark blue glazed covers of sprinkled stars and moons. Alfred seemed hesitant, fearing his future, but decided to play along as he chose a selected thirteen. It was impossible to talk about his future - he knew that, only God decided.

"Alright, I'll go into the past first." Arthur replied ready to read as he flipped the first and second card over. Alfred stared quietly as pictures started appearing and Arthur began on his small explanations.

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Matthew thought it was cute on how the two were starting to talk to one another again, despite Alfred's serious thoughts about him and Arthur. They were currently reading tarot cards and looking intently at the pictures - Alfred was pointing at them confused while Arthur looked merrily explaining everything. It was so…different to see the two behave like that it made his heart flutter.

Kiku had appeared beside him smiling as he purchased a small box of shells. His hobby was actually collecting things, especially seashells and so he appeared quite happy to have bought the delicate and beautiful items. "So, shall we go?" The Japanese manager smiled heartily as he gazed at the American with a grin.

"Alright, just after this." Matthew replied gazing at the other two men who were now laughing.

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They had returned in good humor, and talking endlessly to one another (something Matthew would have never have thought since they seemed hostile to each other for a couple of days already). The two were now joking as t hey walked into the shabby home and smiled at one another, one in a friendly manner and the other in a loving kind.

"Alright, so basically, you're telling me I'm going to be happy forever?" Alfred laughed while looking at the moon card Arthur had given him.

The latter decided that maybe buying the tarot cards would be nice since it already eased him with Alfred.

"Yes." He smiled while gazing at the American who smirked at the item in his hand.

"But last time you said I'd die early." He pouted with a mocking glare. Arthur blushed furiously while snatching the card back.

"Futures can change." He hissed while stuffing the tarot cards back into his coat pocket while receiving awkward stares from Vash and Liechtenstein who were utterly confused with what the two were talking about.

"Oh, hiya!" Alfred replied while walking over to Vash and Liechtenstein and putting his arms around their necks while heading them towards the living room. Arthur and the others followed with merry attitudes.

It was only after Alfred was found kissing Liechtenstein on the forehead that made Arthur rather bitter.

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It was a rather strange time to kiss the young girl, but something in Alfred urged him to commit the action - he was loyal, damn it! And he will _stay_ loyal to the one he pledged his life to.

His hands trailed down Liechtenstein's golden-wheat hair, and his mouth gently kissed her forehead as he closed his bright blue eyes too afraid to see the reaction from Arthur.

He wasn't in any position to let go of his loyalties and honor. He was a man, and it was wrong to love another of his kind.

That was society. That was life.

And so be it…he will be with Liechtenstein _forever_.

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Kiku watched Arthur silently walk to his room too full of emotions that probably shouldn't be allowed to be expressed in this situation. He was holding hard onto the deck of cards he had just bought while his eyes began to spout little drops of tears and his mouth began to tremble along with the rest of his body.

The manager sighed following after, probably already deducting what the man was feeling considering his position as well.

The room was a beautiful white that he had remembered when he was a child. It was still flawless and clean - Matthew must have cleaned it when he was away. A melancholic smile plastered onto his pale face as he forced himself into the room and gazed at Arthur who covered himself in sheets of blankets.

He was trembling and sobbing softly, but Kiku did not understand why.

"What is wrong, Kirkland-san?" The manager asked while sitting himself down on the floor and gazing at the figure shaking furiously. Arthur was not in the mood to respond correctly as he began to curse silently under his breath - but still, Kiku could hear them clearly.

"It's not appropriate for a person your status to curse on someone like Alfred." Kiku sighed while gazing at the Briton who peeked out of a small crack from his blanket. His green eyes were full of tears and his face was partly pink as he hyperventilated crazily.

"….I'm sorry." The Brit replied while wiping his eyes with tissue Alfred had placed in his room after a small request for some due to the summer flowers blooming. "It's just…I thought…"

"Don't think like that." Kiku murmured understanding him as he clutched onto the sheets Arthur was covering himself in. "It's not appropriate. You're engaged to Seychelles." He replied and gazed at Arthur with a stoic gaze. "You and Alfred are in no position to fall in love."

So he finally understood, or well, at least, he knew from the very beginning.

He wasn't an idiot. In fact he noticed the sudden infatuation with Arthur and Alfred as soon as the two met - despite Alfred's lies on never meeting the young celebrity.

He could tell how much Arthur's eyes twinkled whenever he was excited to be with the other man, and how much Alfred, himself, seemed amused and more gleeful to hang around with the Brit despite his beliefs. They would always steal glances from one another when the other wasn't looking - but he was no fool to not notice.

In fact, Matthew probably knew as well.

The two were never good in hiding things, especially their own feelings.

Arthur gazed at Kiku who seemed upset as he stood up and mumbled something about having a drink of tea before getting a good nap. The young manager traveled downstairs quietly, but Arthur could see a small glint forming in the corner of Kiku's eyes.

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Francis swore that if the media ever caught him and Seychelles together again, his and Arthur's relationship would grow even more turbulent than before. Therefore, he was extremely cautious in going outside and always had his manager bring his food until the press died down on the rumors circulating around England and France. He sighed while looking into the dark wine, he was shaking to enjoy the pigment.

A frown escaped his face as a sudden call came, and the ID read that it belonged to a certain Austrian - who would probably be upset with the rumors going on.

Roderich Edelstein was the most famous composer all around Europe, and not to mention, the wealthy head of the entertainment business Arthur and Francis were in. He was utterly devoted to the entertainment that could easily influence children in gaining appreciation for music and better life - but so far, the stupid idiots, Francis and Arthur were causing the opposite impact and he was in no mood to go easy on the two.

So, when the day arrived with the press exciting the public with photos of Seychelles and Francis in bewildered looks, but in the _same_ hotel room - he had had enough! And he would have none of anything anymore, unless he got what he wanted.

And what he wanted right now was Arthur Kirkland to come back home and help his business grow again with a friendly commercial with Francis Bonnefoy - and no damn complaints or he would fire them if he had to.

This commercial would help ease the excited rumors that were now spreading about on the internet and entertainment news.

Actually, he knew that firing them was quite impossible. The two were the basis of his entertainment business for right now, and he simply could not fire them - but he _would _if he could!

Francis finally picked the phone albeit hesitantly as he heard angry shouts coming from the other end.

"Meet me at the Tower in 3 hours." Roderich muttered angrily and slammed the phone down with an iron fist.


	13. May As Well Be

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Thirteen: **May As Well Be

**----------------------------------------**

**Author's Notes: **Sorry guys that I haven't updated since a long time, and I have no one to blame but myself. It was probably due to a busy schedule and a bit of writer's block from time to time. But this chapter _was_ pretty hard to write since I'm trying to get the gap of Arthur and Alfred's relationship closer than normal. Please Review & Read as always!

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The Tower was one of the highest buildings in the city , so when Francis arrived to meet Roderich, the lights of the lower buildings nearly blinded him as the two knelt down over the patio that was later installed to the growing structure.

The night was cold and wet - since it had just rained a couple of hours ago before their time of meeting, and Francis hadn't bothered to wear a jacket - thinking that the summer heat would also take place in the twilight rather than just the morning.

It was quiet at first and Francis was extremely nervous considering that his job was on the line while Roderich ordered a small drink from the outside waiter who was to cater for their every need for the night. Francis made no move to order anything - too worried of his career while fumbling his thumbs back and forth. He wasn't an extremely benevolent actor or television host lately so Francis knew Roderich's impending anger was ready to lash out on him.

"Do you know why I called you out _here_?" Roderich went on as he took a swig of his drink while gazing at Francis with unwavering eyes. The Frenchman shrugged and let out a pathetic grin while backing away a little from the malevolent glare he was receiving from his higher-up.

"Tch, that was to be expected." The Austrian retorted, obviously disappointed that his actor was rather daft about his status and position in his entertainment business. "You and Arthur have been childishly arguing in front of our audience and viewers." He grumbled while taking another drink and asking for more as he turned his attention towards the cars below, speeding quickly with no idea of him above.

"I mean, seriously - your show has only been thriving on Arthur's conflicts lately - and not to mention the previous episode! How did you think I felt when Arthur and Seychelles suddenly seemed like they were disinterested in one another?" He scolded him while staring hard into his lavender pupils. "And now - _this_." He took out a magazine with a huge headline and image of Francis. " 'Hidden Romance? Arthur Kirkland's Fiancée Cheating?'" He slammed it on the floor. "Preposterous!"

Francis winced.

"And don't even get me started with Arthur's ridiculous vacation sprees." He spat and looked down from the patio again to relax.

"That's why…" He let out a deep sigh before looking into Francis' eyes again. "…That's why, from now on - you two will take a break from your silly talk show and Arthur's drama series and life, whatnot, and will be attending a series of commercials to ease the tension going on between your idiotic conversations." He replied nonchalantly but an evil spark emerged from his dark eyes. "Obviously _together_." He muttered, making Francis' heart beat crazily in agitation and surprise.

"B-But how can we when we don't even _know_ where Arthur is?" Francis laughed trying to get out of the situation already as he began staring at the Austrian with ridicule in his lavender eyes.

"You think I'm idiotic?" The Composer and Entertainment Head asked as he glared at the fool in front of him. "I wouldn't be so irresponsible to have one of my celebrities foolishly walk off without my knowing." He grumbled and took out his cell phone.

It was ringing and a rather loud voice began to immediately respond with enthusiasm.

"Hello? Yes, Gilbert. I would like you to contact the area Arthur Kirkland is at the moment. You have Kiku's number, do you not? If it doesn't work - I suppose you can just send someone to retrieve the two." He sighed, "Alright. I'll talk to you more about it later."

And with no other second to waste, he closed the phone and gazed at Francis with a mocking smile. "Now, get ready to have a whole months worth of _friendship _time."

**----------------------------------------**

Kiku had deliberately told him to stay away from Alfred - or at least keep his emotions to himself until they left for good. It was impossible however, and to Arthur's agitation he couldn't keep the American off his mind, nonetheless stop even dreaming about him.

"You alright?" Alfred asked as they lay on the fields gazing at the misty blue skies above them. Orange-scarlet clouds hovered above them sprinkled with splashes of lavender and bright gold. The sun was rising and they found themselves in a dream as they lay together alone amongst the amber pasture.

It was total peace and he felt relieved as Arthur closed his eyes to smell nothing but the sweet fruits and nectar that were hanging above the apple trees next to them. As he fluttered his eyes opened for a brief second, he felt a huge form suddenly catch his smaller frame, and as he looked up found Alfred and himself twirling down the small slope they were lazing about on.

Despite his irritability, he remained quiet while cursing mentally to himself and removing the grass blades from his shirt and pants. He was about to reprimand the other man without thinking, but he heard a hearty chuckle from the other - which surprised him. He turned to find Alfred cleaning his hair as well from the grass that they had tortured nearly to death by rolling over.

A laugh was heard, and Arthur gazed at a happy Alfred who was now lying next to him again - but in a breathless state as he clutched onto his chest with a cheery face. "You should have seen your face!" He roared, but then halted as he let out a more tranquil grin.

Arthur never understood Alfred. One day he was ignoring him, and then the other making friends again. But today, he was also different ; his sky blue eyes gazed at him with a little curiosity - and before he knew it he found Alfred coming closer to him with silence and a serious face.

And to his surprise the young man was over him, his arms locking the poor celebrity from escaping as their eyes met in a sudden clash.

"….Don't panic, alright?" Arthur didn't know who Alfred was talking to as he seemed to not focus on anything at the current moment. He was breathing quietly, but there was something written in his eyes that made Arthur frightened and soon the Briton found himself, bracing himself for the inevitable.

Nothing came.

Instead Arthur fluttered his eyes open to find Alfred gazing back at the sky counting the clouds that were slowly strolling in the heavens. His blue eyes twinkled, but he seemed a bit down as he failed to do whatever he was supposed to do.

Arthur sat up quite disappointed.

They stood still as the wind continued to blow across the farm and the crows began to sprout about among the sky making annoying calls as they sped through with their vast and dark wings. Sparrow songs chirped from time to time, and small animals scurried amongst the pasture.

They remained quiet for a long time.

"Let's head back in - they'll probably want us to help out." Alfred suggested and got himself up before lending his own hand to aid Arthur. The Briton took it appreciatively and they walked quietly back into the shabby house completely torn by a painful silence.

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Alfred knew that he had misbehaved in the presence of Arthur at that moment - but there was some sort of curiosity that kept lingering on in his mind and urging him to at least try…and maybe, steal a kiss.

So when the chance came, he was going to kiss the Brit in order to find out how he truly felt - but his brain stopped working in the middle of his confidence when suddenly Vash appeared out of the back porch doing some sort of chore while mumbling a few profanities, and he had to stop while biting his lips till they bled secretly.

He was also very well disappointed, and his curiosity was now at it's peak.

What _did_ he feel for this man?

Hopefully…not much.

As the two entered the house they found the other four in a serious conversation. "I say we all go on a fishing trip." Matthew replied with a straight face as he gazed at the other three who all seemed to be against it.

"Nah, we've gone fishing _way_ too much this summer." Vash reminded Matthew about the various trips they had taken before Kiku and Arthur had arrived. "How about hunting?" He smirked, but Liechtenstein was in the moment to protest.

"I'd like something for all of us to do…brother…if I may…I-I don't really like hunting." She informed him while the siblings both turned red in embarrassment.

"How about a nice spa?" Kiku had asked with hope in his eyes - the other three were against it.

"It's so like you to want to go to a spa." Matthew sighed while Vash let out a snort and looked away. Liechtenstein was busy greeting Arthur and Alfred who had just came in.

"…How about camping out near the falls?" Alfred suggested even though he did not know what they were talking about. "We haven't done that in a _long_ time." He replied merrily while gazing at the other three who were now pondering about it.

Arthur sat down near Kiku while Liechtenstein handed him a cup of herbal tea and sat beside her brother once more in contemplation.

Alfred stood next to her as he gazed intently at the others, eager to await their opinions while he, himself, drank a morning cup of coffee that Matthew had brewed for him before Arthur and him headed out towards the fields for their own private time.

"…It doesn't cost a lot…" Vash replied while gazing at Alfred's heartwarming blue eyes, and he turned around his seat to fetch a notepad that was carelessly laying around on a small bench. "…The only things we need to bring are toiletries, provisions and sleeping equipment." He began to write the necessary items rather obsessively while he also noted the amount of money each would cost as well.

"…Yes, I guess we haven't gone camping around the waterfalls for some time now." Liechtenstein murmured while smiling delightfully and Matthew nodded in agreement.

The only two who stood quiet were Arthur and Kiku who seemed to…be hesitant with the whole camping thing, as they looked at one another with clear confusion and worry. "Oh, _come_ on!" Alfred smiled widely while hugging the two with his strong arms. "It's not _that_ bad!" He tried to convince them as he began ranting on how perfect the whole area was and whatnot.

"First of all, I'm disappointed Kiku that _you_ would be hesitating on this trip!" Alfred seemed shocked to see that Kiku, the once, nature-loving boy would be so….defensive against his suggestion.

"I-I am not hesitating!" The Japanese murmured with a blush flushing across his face. "I'm just…I haven't done this for a long time." He sighed and wisped raven hair away from his hazelnut eyes. "But I'll be willing to go camping again…If you want." He smiled, leaving Arthur the only one to be stared at intensely by the other five members.

"W-Well. I've never done this thing before." He murmured while gazing at everyone with shame. It wasn't like he had time to do these "normal" activities. He had never had the time once he had gotten his position as an actor, so it wasn't his _damn_ fault!

"We understand!" Matthew quickly responded while pushing the rim of his glasses and smiling bashfully at the Briton. "It'll be fun though, and we'll be there for you!" He promised while Alfred nodded alongside his twin with puppy baby blue eyes. Arthur turned scarlet as the American twins smiled heartwarmingly at him at once.

"Very well then."

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The first day started with them waking up early in the morning and having fed all the livestock, and asked for an old time friend to care for their farm while they were gone. Arthur had sat next to Alfred in the truck and Kiku sat in the far behind of the corner. At the meantime Matthew was driving the other small convertible with the other siblings, following his elder brother as they soon began their departure.

"It's beautiful around here." Arthur replied absentmindedly as they began to pass a couple of trees and brushes that have not been in contact with much of man. Alfred smiled as well as he drove through a winding path and into a mysterious area of he forest he was leading the tourists to.

"It is…it's one of my favorite places." Alfred replied happily while Kiku took snapshots in the back - having found something quite interesting as his mind wandered off to who knows where.

"And I thought New York had barely any of it left." The British celebrity joked and Alfred just smirked in response.

The ride had become silent, and Kiku had fallen asleep before they had finally arrived at their destination.

It was a huge area covered with lots of oak trees and thickets - but a warm and free opening for them to park. Matthew had gotten out of his own car first, surveying the whole scene while helping Vash and Liechtenstein unpack their necessities and some belongings.

Alfred got out of his truck and helped Arthur get out, while waking up Kiku timidly and gently.

"Well- here we are!" The American twins replied while showing them the view.

It was breathtaking. Right in the middle of the open trees and bushes was a sparkling lake as clear as the blue skies above, and it seemed hardly anyone knew of the place. There were plentiful squawks from birds and some signs of deer frolicking through the meadow on the other end. The scenery chilled his blood as he gazed at it in awe. "Like it?" Alfred smiled walking over to Arthur and placing his strong hands over his shoulders despite the nervous feeling both were getting from one another.

"Of course! It's wonderful!" Arthur responded immediately while he gazed at the landscape once more with astonishment. Liechtenstein and Vash smiled to themselves as they got out lunch for the day and a blanket to cover the prickly grass below them.

"Yeah…we found this place with our parents…around five, I think." Matthew smiled melancholically as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and gazed with his brother and the Brit. "It's been so long too…we've been here…since when? Five years ago?" He asked Alfred, who seemed to be just gazing too quietly at the familiar place.

"Hey, Arthur - let's see where we are? Shall we?" The American suddenly piped up as he took the celebrity's hand and began to dash through the many oak trees.

The passageway was covered with some pebbles and road dirt and surrounded by equally tall oak trees that had survived more years than the usual around these parts. Alfred was a fast runner, and so Arthur kept stumbling away as he followed in pursuit of the jolly American.

They were climbing a huge steep hill, and he kept tripping every-so often that Alfred would turn around and let out a flashing smile while aiding him. The last step towards the hill ended up with the two holding each other for support when Arthur nearly fell from the very top, but clung for his dear life onto the American's strong arms.

They ended up in an awkward position, however.

As Arthur clung onto Alfred, he found himself within the other man's arms - and a blush started forming as he realized where his head was lying against.

He could feel the beating of the other man's heart - which seemed to be aching rather heavily with excitement and some other intense feelings. He tried to let go, but his hands automatically locked themselves around the other's waist. As if he did not want to let go.

Alfred at the mean time found himself holding onto the Briton's slender waist, in amazement - and he quickly found himself smelling Arthur's rose fragrance hair.

Was this honestly the time to actually start believing in his feelings? He sighed as he held Arthur more closely to him.

_He may really be in love with him_.

Alfred's touch was much more rough than the usual gentle sensation he would leave after brushing against Arthur's skin. It was harsh, but possessive at the same time that made Arthur's heart leap as he felt himself get forcibly closer to the American who was closing his eyes in what seemed to be as if he was in a pained state.

Arthur was very confused but did not mind Alfred who was ignoring everything else around them. His face seemed to be getting closer, and the gap between their lips seemed to be finally reaching to an end - until the American fluttered his eyes open with guilt and he would nervously look away and tell him that they should continue on and find out how close they were to their actual campsite.

As they finally reached the top with disappointment, the two looked across the horizon to find out the landmark they were searching for from the very beginning.

A huge waterfall was seen in a spot not so far from where Vash and the others decided to stay, and a small creek was running from the small pool of water the fall had created. Lucky enough for them it seemed to run near the area they would be sleeping for the night - and so Alfred concluded their mini adventure was done.

Arthur nodded while following him back down, but despite that constant smiled toppled onto his furious face lay a mind of disappointment as he followed the tall shadow Alfred managed to cascade from the remaining light of the setting sun.

He gulped with hesitation as he watched Alfred's shadow disappear slowly but surely, and soon enough he himself began to realize how impossible it was for him and Alfred to have even a connection.

"Hey Arthur." He heard Alfred's voice and he found the young man facing him with a small smile gracing his thin lips. The American traveled towards the Briton with quick pace, and soon enough he found the American softly touching his pallid cheeks with his warm fingertips.

"Have a good night." The man replied with soft shining blue eyes that held nothing but the emotion before him. Alfred then left to depart to his own tent with nothing but smiling eyes.

And yet, despite the inevitability of the whole situation - Arthur felt that he couldn't but help but fall in love despite the warnings.


	14. Enforced Realizations

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Fourteen: **Enforced Realizations

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**Author's Notes: **Here you guys go! I decided that since everyone was anticipating the long-awaited **Thirteenth Chapter**, that I would go ahead and complete the **Fourteenth Chapter **early enough to compensate for my stupid lazy days and writer's block. I'm kind of happy with this chapter because now we're finally crossing the bridge and into more serious, dramatic and angst chapters that would later ensue. I guess, at least. Hope you _**Read & Review**_!

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The morning sun spread throughout the hidden haven instantly lighting up the scattered tents with passionate rays.

Quickly the forest was threatened with the sun's morning glory, cleansed with natural light and immediately the forest's inhabitants began to start their daily routines.

Birds of various colors sprang from the trees and chirped merrily as they searched for food frantically. Foxes were playing; teasing one another as they bit and clawed each other in friendly manner while the same deer frolicked throughout the foliage having no fear as they absentmindedly continued their days.

By this time everyone was slowly getting up, but before even the break of dawn Alfred had already arose and begun to fish for their breakfast.

The young American was deep in thought as he sat on a slippery boulder close to the pond near the waterfall. There were numerous fishes from smelts to rainbows and he had stumbled upon the perfect fishing place as he sat crossing his legs under him and waited patiently for any strong bite.

He was in deep contemplation despite the instant boredom that would normally consume a new fisherman, and in his thoughts he could only think of _one_ person who had been constantly tormenting him throughout the past few days.

_Arthur_.

Alfred never understood how that young man was able to tie his heart up in so many knots and leave him to stand in complete disbelief. Arthur _this_, Arthur _that_. He could never seem to stop thinking of the celebrity despite his own warnings.

Whenever he stared at the Briton his face would always heat up and he would have no idea what to do. Alfred was left in a complete state of confusion and helplessness.

He had never in his life felt so…feeble to such an emotion.

With a quick intake of breath the blonde took a look at himself in the clear pond. There were fishes swarming through the area, but none seemed to have taken his bait - he was still focusing on himself nevertheless.

He had looked worn out, tired, exhausted from thinking over and over what his feelings were for Arthur. His face was pallid than the normal pinkish tone and his eyes had some dark bags under them as he had remained sleepless through the night from over thinking.

In the end he still remained confused and empty. He had not found the answer to his feelings, and had lost valuable sleep over nothing.

With a sigh he rest his head on a free palm and suddenly found a fish nibbling on the poor excuse of bait!

Fishing no matter what was hard for anyone who had no idea what to do! It consisted of incredible patience and, importantly, one's ability to vary one's strength at the given moment. Now, Alfred was no pushover when it came to fishing - but he was a bit surprised to find a huge bass gobbling over his bait with such mindless intensity.

Alfred could see it's beauty - the grayish, rainbow scales reflected by the light filtering through the green leaves. He felt sorry as he winded up the rod with careful precision as the animal began to writhe with panic.

The bass came closer, and in the end Alfred yanked the rod quickly and found the fish flying from above him with sparkling water sprayed all over from the force. The fish, to Alfred, had gotten so much more beautiful as it landed on the warm ground trying to breathe, but finding nothing to keep it's breath.

His heart pounded as the animal tried to break free from the hook - but it faltered later on after realizing the inevitability of death, itself.

With that one more pull he finally got the beast, and felt pity as he took it's last day with such a surprise. Carefully placing the fish into the cooler he had brought, the American left towards the tent area finding the others seating themselves around the last-night's camp fire.

And with no other second to think, Arthur and his eyes locked once more with a quiet intensity - and immediately Alfred found his head spinning as he grew closer to the Briton.

He found it that whenever he stepped closer to the other man, his heart would sometimes fail to stop beating so rapidly and his breathing would suddenly harden as if a ghost would suddenly spring up on him.

He was sure….he was really sure about his feelings now, but the question now was _when_? When did he start feeling this way?

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Seychelles had found the magazine repulsive, yet true. She was hideous for being on the front covers apparently in a "love affair" with Francis, but was it so bad to have fallen for her previous instructor?

Probably, she guessed - but it was not as if Arthur could also get off the hook after dismissing their relationship so casually in Bonnefoy's talk show.

In fact, in page 17 of the ridiculous magazine it was clear that some fans and authors have already speculated their downfall as an international hot couple, and it somewhat relieved her of the burden and guilt she was currently feeling.

But it was also a nuisance. She knew very well that Rodrich Edelstein wouldn't even put up with such "rumors" - and it was also her responsibility to go through the plans of her marriage with Arthur no matter how much heartache she would experience through the following years.

She was in such disastrous moment of her life, and she was currently trying to relax herself from the media that had been constantly trying to interfere with her vacation.

Yesterday she had gotten a call from Roderich concerning Arthur - and that the two would have a press conference with the media after the following week to clear a few things out.

What to clear out was the question, though and she was experiencing herself in a state of panic as she constantly found herself going through numerous phases.

Some days she would find herself in a state of melancholy; reminiscing about Francis and her in a time which she would never forget.

He would sit in front of the stage after handing her a few lyrics, and practiced with her vocals and dance movements as she kept trying to please him. A small smile would always grace his grizzly face as she was dancing, and violet eyes would pay around whenever she would make a humorous mistake or would make him proud of her for doing her best.

And after she would remember all those memories she would find herself lost, confused, and troubled while fresh tears seemed to pouring out of the corner of her eyes. She would find her lips trembling, and she would ask herself what she had become? Or why she hadn't noticed before?

But always, the voice in her head would tell her it was "too late."

The moment Francis let go of her hand to let her fly solo onto the stage, was the moment she found her hand in another man's and this time with a diamond ring placed on her left pinky, affectionately adoring her finger bone.

And to some of the unfortunate - the moment she let go of Francis' hand was the moment she realized that she wanted him the most; _needed_ him the most.

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Wang knew that when he had stepped into the familiar abode, he felt his brother's presence after he had left from Alfred's house after the American's sudden blackout. He knew that Kiku was there - and yet he did not _want _to know.

His feelings were unbearable at that time. That his brother was hiding himself from him, was a symbol of distrust between the two and the doctor found himself quite disgruntled from the sudden feeling. He had never found his heart aching so wildly before, and now that he had finally calmed down all there was left was rage.

Hong Kong sat beside him with the same deadpan look, sitting calmly on a velvet chair as he took a sip of the herbal tea his brother had prepared for him.

As of late he found Wang's sudden fits quite entertaining but secretly he began to worry as his eldest brother began to look almost as if he were to shed a few tears.

Wang's face had become slightly pinkish at times, and his eyes would grow red from reminiscing on Kiku or Taiwan…and sometimes he would find his brother hysterical or miserable despite his own presence.

To Hong Kong, however, seeing Wang cry was nearly impossible. His brother was always the strongest - was always the one who held the responsibility, and was the reason why his other siblings had left.

He knew why his brothers and sister ran away from the house. It was not from the inheritance, but from actually Wang's dictatorship in the home.

Always, always, Hong Kong would remember Kiku's disapproval of their eldest brother's ideas, philosophies and rules in the home. The second eldest of the Yao family, disapproving Wang's regulations was a hint to come from the home as soon as Kiku had bellowed that he did _not_ want to follow his brother's, his parent's, footprints.

Immediately Wang would slap Kiku, and the day after that the second eldest had abandoned the family in pursuit of his own career.

Wang, believing that the other would someday return in regret, ignored Kiku - nearly ostracized his brother and almost even disowned him. He then began concentrating on preaching more to the third eldest son who had been a complete nutcase (in Hong Kong's humble opinion) and was too wild for even Wang to restrain.

After that idiot's departure, it was Taiwan's turn, which was strange considering it would have been _his_ turn to have finally been scolded and taught by Wang considering Taiwan…was a _girl_.

But no…Wang was _somewhat_ trying to bend the rules to show Taiwan how serious he was, and no longer than a few days the girl left to do the same as the other two.

In the end Wang ended up with him - which Hong Kong thought was perfectly normal and fine.

He was the only heir left of the Yao family although Wang did have other relatives to pass it down to like Vietnam or Thailand - but his brother always reasoned to himself that despite their loyalties to him, the two were still from another branch of the family rather than the main branch.

And in the end Hong Kong would soon find his place. He was happy to be with his brother, was nearly obsessed to followed the other man's footprints as he carefully traced his own feet into his brother's sandals.

He was meant for this job…meant to follow the family legacy.

It was his dream actually…to finally…be his brother.

**------------------------------------**

Ivan had felt a cool chill after he had finished his work for the day. He had asked both Feliks and Taiwan to take care of the brat next door to his office, and replied that he was heading out after having a horrible time trying to calm the child after explaining to the kid that he _needed_ the blood sample to save his life, _or else_.

With a sigh the young man whisked his silvery bangs from his hard cold-glazed eyes, and packed up his things to walk out of the hospital.

It was another day of contemplation and reminiscence to him…but it beat having to deal with those foolish people back at work and he had had enough hearing their useless cries.

Stepping into his sleek, black convertible Ivan headed for home to have a peaceful rest after such a hectic day.

First of all his day started horrible after Taiwan forgot to get the rooms prepared for the future patients, and after Feliks had given the wrong meals to every one of his patients of whom all cried and complained of their treatment. After that Toris had called him from the speaker asking him for the blood sample in which he kept in the refrigerator in his office, and in which Feliks and Taiwan had claimed they had already given it to the other Nurse downstairs - who had claimed she had already tested the blood and had given it away to another poor soul.

He had went back to Toris who also claimed that another doctor needed it, but was too much of a coward to face Ivan alone - and regrettably the other doctor dismissed anything about the blood sample and only asked for another one - and in which Ivan had went to his own patient (that idiot boy) and who the boy, did not want to give any more of his blood fearing his life in danger.

In the end, the results were that Ivan did not finish anything and he was left in complete anger.

He was, to be exact, furious but his lack of expressing emotions were quite limited and he had no other way of showing it but remaining eerily calm.

Driving through the small traffic the doctor let out a sigh as he took a cigarette from a pack and began inhaling and exhaling the fumes with nothing in mind but complete revenge.

By revenge he didn't mean to commit any harm, rather that he just replayed moments of every one damn patient he had and tried to torture their imagined selves till they (in his mind) died and rotted away. It was calming to him, and deserving for them.

He had felt much more happy finding them cry in the actual moment of death rather than for nothing.

With a sigh though he knew he couldn't keep living this way and turned to happier moments where he had first set eyes on Alfred after having trying to find him for so many years.

At that time it was a humid summer day, and as he was driving through an isolated lot he had found a humble farm surviving on itself with fruitful vegetation looming around and immediately he spotted one of his favorite flowers blooming with such radiance alongside the still sun.

Sunflowers. There was a lot of them, a huge bed filled with great huge stocks as they happily swished around from the gentle breeze. They were a beautiful yellow and orange, one of the most lively colors he could remember, and they were warm. They looked warm, at least. He had found immediate happiness overflowing within his heart because of such beauty but as soon as he found the person he was looking for…right in the _middle_ of the heavenly fields his heart had stopped with so much excitement.

Alfred was there, tending to the flowers with a smile on his face as he touched a petal on one of the stocks. Ivan had never seen such tranquility in his life.

No, he did not admit he was in love with Alfred. As matter of fact he was probably just interested - but never in love. He was stricken by how beautiful and perfect God could make such a creature, and how much he envied Alfred for being so lively and happy despite his ill condition.

Nonetheless he was happy just looking at the said man, and Ivan knew that he could never let go of Alfred again.

Everyday he would pass his car by the same farm and sometimes await for the young man to come out and water his plants or feed his animals, and everyday he would find a small smile gracing his own lips.

He was sure…that Alfred was someone God made for _him_.

Alfred was the person that would smile for him forever and make his heart warm up after such a horrible day…He was sure…He was damn _sure_.

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Vash was finding it hard to keep his emotions at bay. Whenever he stared at Arthur he would find his heart churning with a deep resentment and whenever he stared at Alfred his heart would pound as if a betrayal was ready to form.

He never knew why, but he always believed himself to be good at reading people's minds. Every movement one made he could easily read the pattern of their brain, where they would go and what they would do and lately it had become irritating whenever he found the two together or whenever Matthew or Kiku would say they had randomly disappeared.

Probably for their _own _benefit, Vash believed as he took a bite of the fried fish Matthew had fried for them.

To him, everyone was leaving him and Liechtenstein out. Or was it just him being left out?

He certainly wouldn't like that, now would he?

He believed it to be as Liechtenstein seemed to know something herself - but it was quite disgusting. The feeling inside of him wouldn't stop disappearing whenever he found the Briton and his best friend coming back from an expedition.

He knew Alfred was a good-natured man, but maybe too kind for society to allow. Alfred was also very promising and loyal, but these days he couldn't help but be suspicious of everyone.

Not with Arthur's jealous looks and Kiku's quiet jerks whenever they all gazed at one another. How could he just stand _still_?

Liechtenstein was sitting near Alfred who had been stroking her golden locks with such gentle caresses, but that wouldn't stop him of being anxious whenever he found Arthur gazing back with a look of jealousy in his eyes.

Sometimes Vash felt that maybe he should have never been keeping tabs on the two, but he knew that if he stopped sooner or later Liechtenstein may have already ended up separating herself from the stupid American.

And with no doubt, Vash would do anything to make his sister happy rather than see the American dump her as if she were plain _dirt_.

No, his sister was _not_ dirt and whoever made her appear to be would _pay_ severely.

He was sure to himself. So damn sure, that he would do _anything_ to make Liechtenstein happy whether it be _crossing _the line of sanity.

At the meantime Kiku's cell phone had just rung and Alfred was pouting while Arthur had a look of alarm written in his clear eyes. The young Japanese excused himself as he traveled far back from him and the others and spoke in quiet profile.

He had returned with a small smile, but nevertheless Arthur could tell whenever his manager had grave, important news.

The others though were happily eating their breakfast unfazed by the grave silence Kiku was emitting.

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**WARNING! **Next Chapter will be more intense than the previous chapters - meaning that it's the only chapter that will not be lighthearted or in other words, it's not just FLUFF. I want to change the rating to M, and I am notifying you here that the story is now under an M Rating just for _the sole purpose _of this chapter. At least.

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	15. Dancing

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Fifteen: **Dancing

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**Author's ****WARNING****!!!: **Despite marking this Fan fiction as a T+ rating I want to warn some due to this chapter, _and this chapter alone, _the story has been turned into an **M Rating **just in case for the future Again, please _**Read & Review**_! Thank you! Email me if you have any concern. Ah, I'm pretty bad at making M Chapters, so…you can laugh at my attempt!

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Three days had passed already and the camping trip was soon about to end on this day. So far everything; every part of the trip went perfectly planned thanks to the American twins' scheduling ability and the two were greatly pleased with themselves. Alfred and Matthew had been happily acting as tour guides as they hiked through the various mountains and helped everyone learn how to fish and identify certain types of animals and plants. They also, somehow, got Liechtenstein and Vash to act happily around their guests as the two siblings started finally opening up to the others.

Well, that was what Alfred and Matthew _wanted _to believe at least for the time being. He would go and consult with Vash and Liechtenstein later after the trip had ended.

Kiku and Arthur at the meantime was his most concern. They had been very much pleased with all of the events and had been laughing almost the whole while, but Alfred could tell the sudden grave feelings both were putting off as they silently followed Vash and Liechtenstein from behind.

They were down, and Alfred could tell but today was the worst case of their depression than the previous days. Alfred could tell that they weren't just sad about this being their last camping day…

There was something else wrong, but none wanted to speak of it and he never really wanted to pry in their business in the first place.

He was just never really into sticking his nose into everything unless it got on his nerves - and right now he didn't want to ruin his relationship with the bitter Briton. He knew how much Arthur could be such a nuisance after getting riled up - he had learned his lesson after showing him that rattle snake he found the day before, and Arthur had never let him apologized. He swore he wouldn't rile the young man up again.

Finding a place to camp near the same opening they had begun on the first day, all members began to dispatch their sleeping bags on the clear night and have a moment to themselves as they stared at the starry skies flickering above them so strangely bright.

Tonight there would be no tents to protect them, but just the heavens to stare at them from below and them the same to stare at above.

Alfred had purposely placed his sleeping bag between Liechtenstein and Matthew having figured out Vash's sudden insecurities and was now staring at Arthur who didn't even bother to even try and start a conversation with him today.

Alfred wanted so badly to go to Arthur and ask if he was okay, but he knew that deep down inside he had no right to ask Arthur anything until the Briton finally admitted it himself.

Lying down on his dark green accessory he gazed at the sky above them and found the stars less bright than he had usually seen them. He had found himself getting more depressed because of Arthur's own depression and he felt so helpless to do anything about it. Sighing he closed his eyes and tried to ignore everyone around them, but just couldn't.

He really was worried about Arthur. After all that Briton was the only thing he had been thinking ever since the trip even started.

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When sleep had finally taken over everyone excluding Alfred, the farms boy had chosen this opportunity to awaken the sleeping Briton who had seemed quite flustered with something considering his heated face and sweaty palms during his slumber.

He had awoken only to not yell but rather stare exhausted at Alfred who seemed to smile at him solemnly in front of him. "Are you alright?" The American asked as he felt the Briton's forehead and found the little man to only fluster more with embarrassment as he tried to swat his own hands away. "Silly." Alfred smirked while pressing his forehead against the other. Arthur's eyes widened but calmed down as he felt Alfred's hand silently take his own and could feel how cold and hard they were.

"Hey…let's go somewhere." Alfred replied randomly and Arthur found Alfred heaving him up and silently showing him a hidden passageway.

The young Briton could feel his face wash with heat as he tried stammering words of protest, but found himself only trying to be with Alfred even more in the end.

It was really dark in the small tunnel of pine trees, and he hated feeling defenseless as he saw nothing, felt nothing but only Alfred's reassuring warmth and hands. He sighed as he tumbled towards the American while holding his arms with queasy intensity. Alfred only had a hearty laugh, and when they finally reached their destination he allowed Arthur to take in everything he saw.

It was completely open space, enough for a few people to be in, but other than that it was completely the same as the other open space Kiku and the rest were sleeping in other than the small checkered blanket in the middle of it all. He asked why the idiot took him there, but Alfred only smiled and led him to the center of it all.

"Here, lie down here." Alfred whispered calmly as he took Arthur's side and gazed straight up at the everlasting starry sky. Arthur did as he was told, and gazed at a wondrous view.

"I knew when they would be arriving…hadn't told anyone." The American murmured as the two gazed at dozens of shooting stars falling beautifully across the midnight sky. "This was the thing I wanted to show you before you left that first time. It may not be as different as you thin, but this place is even more darker than where the others are at, making the stars to look even more bright." He replied with a bashful laugh and gazed at Arthur who's beautiful eyes started sprouting tears at the corner of them. "What's wrong?" Panic rose in Alfred's voice as he looked at Arthur who tried wiping them away but more tears just kept flowing.

Arthur did not know where to begin as Alfred kept on comforting him with his gentle touches and worried expression. The American was obviously pushing himself over the limit trying to cheer him up, but there was nothing Alfred could do in the end. Arthur knew very well that no matter what…Alfred was useless for this dilemma.

"I-I," Arthur hiccupped as he gazed into Alfred's heaven blue eyes hovering above him, and immediately he found himself catching the other man's cheek into his free palm. "I…I'm just…I don't…" He was in a mixture of confusion as he slurred his words from over thinking.

Alfred just let out a small laugh as Arthur tried explaining himself, but to no avail. For some reason Alfred did not know what to do over the sobbing celebrity and felt himself helpless as ever.

But amidst all of Alfred's quick thinking he ended up with such a strange result, all of a sudden Arthur felt warm lips claim his, and his green velvet eyes widened as Alfred finally lay a kiss on him.

At first it was an innocent sweet kiss that had begun slowly with just lips moving on and about, until the later half of their time Alfred had suddenly began to devour him and slip his tongue into Arthur's mouth almost greedily.

Alfred did not know what was overcoming him, but for some reason his hands twitched to pull Arthur closer and he was less careful and cautious of his actions then before as he slipped his tongue rather playfully inside the Briton's mouth.

Indeed Alfred was craving to enter Arthur's mouth ever since he realized his feelings, and now he was enjoying the taste of the Briton who was calming himself down after the sudden kiss.

Warm and calloused hands ventured through Arthur's body as the young Briton was pressed against the grass feeling Alfred's tongue with lust, and he himself wanted to feel more than just lips pressing against one another.

To Arthur it felt wondrous and appealing as he began to unbutton the American's shirt and touch the other man's chest with delight and belonging. Alfred had already at this time taken Arthur's own shirt off, and the two had look like they had been wrestling for a couple of hours already.

They never understood the intimacy they were showing one another - but both were sure that the other loved one another just as much as they began their own expeditions with the other's body.

The Briton would hiss whenever Alfred bit either the lobe of his left ear or bite softly onto the nape of his neck. Their bodies were sweaty all over, but they seemed to ignore the fact and meld to each other even more.

It was like a sweaty collision as they rammed their bodies closer to one another, feeling the intense heat the other gave while trying desperately too keep their cool while trying to ignore what selfish acts they were longing to commit.

Groaning escaped from Arthur's mouth as he felt pain from Alfred's interferences, and he caught onto the American's blond hair while trying to ease himself from the sudden impacts.

His eyes would daze whenever Alfred's hands slightly grazed his flesh and his breathing would harden whenever Alfred spoke his name softly.

He had never known that Alfred could be just as sinful as him. The young man was more than his innocent self.

As they breathed into one another's skin, Alfred was busy trying to figure out what he was actually up to as his hands began to wander across Arthur's pale body. Instinctively the American began to unbuckle the young man's belt and slowly he found a new area to conquer.

Clutching onto a patch of Alfred's hair, Arthur began to cry as Alfred's hands began to massage his lower half and his mouth would suddenly kiss one of his nipples with delight and savor. Arthur would question himself how the idiot could do such a thing, but only felt more pleasure as the young man whispered his name seductively during their activity while now manipulating his figures around his right nipple.

He cried out Alfred's name several times before he ran out of breath and Alfred took over his mouth with a hard force. Their tongues were now merely dancing around one another trying to draw some saliva out during their sexual intimacy.

He felt a strong intensity go inside him and a sharp pang while he softly shrieked the American's name and begged him to continue on.

Alfred kept on pumping in and out, and breathing harshly as Arthur cried for him, but he zoned out as he begun to wonder what he was really up to.

Alfred had stopped , and only smiled weakly as he got up to put his clothes back on. Arthur was breathing in strange intervals while watching the young man retreat and put his shirt and pants back on with a slight blush escaping his face. Alfred then turned around and not much to Arthur's surprise, Alfred had begun to kiss him one more time.

"I love you…" Arthur muttered before Alfred's lips met his own, and as he cried softly into the American's arms he found himself, at last crumbing and becoming vulnerable.

He had finally let out the confession that swelled in his heart. And it made him happy to find out that he was relieved of the burden…

After time had passed and both were under their clothes once again they began to sit up and just stare silently at the nothingness surrounding them. It was like their own little haven protecting them from the world's view, protecting themselves from the shame that would later haunt them if they were to reveal themselves.

Fireflies now were making their way from the clear, pure pond nearby and were now resting on foliages from the huge thickets and the pine trees that had been covering the two for so long now. Alfred was in deep contemplation at this time, while Arthur had just started staring at the American dreamily and found himself crawling onto the other blonde with lust from hours earlier ago.

"….Arthur…I wanted to ask you…if you were alright….?" Alfred asked softly as he gazed into Arthur's surprised eyes. In truth, Arthur had forgotten all about his dilemma and now he was just being reminded of it. His lust had soon washed away when Alfred brought the topic up. "Don't give me that…" The American breathed into his ear while pining him down against the grass once more. Arthur just stared at him with exhaustion as he tried to weakly feign a smile but couldn't help but look saddened over the news he had to spill.

"…I'm leaving tomorrow." He replied quietly averting his attention to a firefly wandering around a small flower around a shrub. He did not notice Alfred's eyes waver a bit in confusion and fury, but as soon as he went to see Alfred's face he recognized that the young man seemed to be a bit…flustered.

Alfred having heard such words come from Arthur's mouth found his heart slowing down as he realized what was going to happen.

"…Alfred?" Arthur called his name out while trying to touch the young man's cheek. His hands were swatted away, and his heart pounded with a certain aching tune.

"…You should have told me." Alfred retorted and got up to stare at the sky rather than him. Arthur felt accused, but shut himself up as the American walked in a quick pace. "Now I feel awful." The American muttered and wiped his blonde bangs away from his eyes revealing himself to look hysterical over the past actions they had done.

Alfred was in no mood. He couldn't understand what Arthur had just told him. Well he did, but he did not want to know! He had fallen for the man , made love to him (finally), and now Arthur was leaving again - and he was left with nothing but the sin he had promised to never do.

"What do you _mean_?" Arthur bellowed glaring at the American who was now in no mood to act all loving towards the Briton. "Why would you feel _awful_ for _**loving me**_?" The Briton gritted his teeth and got up to face the American who was trying furiously to look away from him.

"Why would you say that after _you told me you loved me_?" Arthur shouted numerous times until Alfred caught his wrist swiftly and stared at him with deep frustration. His blue eyes now nothing more than an icy glare.

"Who _said_ that?" Alfred replied stoically while pushing Arthur's hand down and walking away. "I never said that; I never in my damn life." Alfred hissed and walked out of the haven.

He had never felt so betrayed by the Briton. How could Arthur have done this to him? He was madly in love with the young man, but now after having made love with him and understanding that Arthur would soon be gone from his life again - he would never….forgive him. How could he? He put himself in hell because of him, and now there was no way getting out!

Love him_?_ _Seriously_? He never in his life! Alfred's mind kept rambling on as he cursed the Briton out mentally while trying to find his way out of the damned place.

He never really loved him! He knew he was lying to himself, how could he say that? Through out all his years…he had never felt so much at bliss with Arthur….and yet…

He didn't know what to do! Dawn was almost arriving and soon the others would wake up and he would feel like the dirtiest man alive. Tears started forming in the corner of Alfred's eyes as he tried briskly to wipe them away, and he did but remained in the most saddest state he had ever been in.

Arthur in the meantime still stood way back in the small haven, crying softly to himself while cursing himself aloud how foolish he was to have fallen for such a prick! He had never believed that Alfred could be such a twisted man to leave him in such dread after performing such a _thing _with him - and he could not help but cry out how stupid the man was.

"I hope you go to hell!" Arthur shouted with no meaning as he tried to get himself up, but only soon found himself falling no later and breaking down once more.

And despite the sadness washing over the both of them, the shooting starts still danced across the sky ignoring the cries from the land below.

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Matthew had awoken after hearing footprints arriving back at the camp. He was still in his sleeping bag trying to snuggle in to fall asleep once more, but he could not help but hear small sniffling arriving from his brother's end.

Matthew knew when something bad has gone wrong , and whenever Alfred cried (which was very rare) the worse can only happen. He sat up suddenly and found himself gazing at his brother who's face was red with embarrassment as he tried to keep him quiet and make him fall asleep again. "Alfred…what happened?" Matthew asked softly as he crawled over to his brother's side and touched his forehead with his own.

He knew that Alfred could be stubborn in explaining himself, but when he asked this time his twin only spoke of how dirty he was and how much he was "going to hell" after all he had done. Matthew's heart only sunk in as he tried comforting his brother, and as he sung softly to his twin with the most gentle of his voices. He gazed around the campsite to find Arthur's bag gone as well and could only start thinking of what the two had done.

And in no time, Matthew begun to silently piece together who the crying was for.

"Alfred…what happened between you and Arthur?" Matthew replied fearfully as he gazed at his brother who had stopped crying but had red, bloated eyes after having run out of tears. He turned away, mumbled a few profanities, and stubbornly refused to tell him.

In all Matthew's life, he had forgotten about how spoiled Alfred could be…He forgot how much stubborn Alfred was in the past, how mean he was, how cruel he could be….and suddenly his heart sunk when Arthur arrived and got immediately into his sleeping bag without even giving a greeting or smiling at them.

"…Alfred?' His brother only went back to his own sleeping bag and muttered things of great depression.

"_I'm going to go to hell. I'm going to go to hell_." Was all Alfred repeated as he tried drifting to sleep.

Matthew's heart turned, and looking up into the sky he prayed at the dancing stars to give his brother hope, aid, anything to make him happy! Only to find himself with no reply, and no more words from his twin.

His heart nearly ripped, and he clutched desperately onto his chest while trying to keep himself from crying. "Alfred…what happened?" Matthew whispered and gathered himself into a corner of the campsite - wanting to be alone for the time being.

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The whole campsite had awoke with the strangest of silence and Arthur had already dressed into a formal suit demanding to go to the airport this instant surprising everyone but Alfred. "I don't want to stay here any longer!" The Brit replied harshly while stomping towards Matthew's convertible and entering it with no more words to spout. Alfred at the time hopped into his own truck ignoring the whole world while trying not to turn red from anymore drama.

Liechtenstein and Vash decided to enter the truck finding that since Kiku and Arthur would be sitting in the same car, they did not want to put up with any of it. Alfred was strangely quiet.

While Matthew drove the two guests towards the airport after they got their luggage from the farm, Arthur's bantering self reduced into a dreadful silence as he watched the farm disappear from view from the rearview mirror. His art ached, and the two other men noticed how bad he wanted to come back to it.

"We can come back after we're finished with the business." Kiku replied thoughtfully as he tried to pat Arthur for comfort, but the Briton, spoiled as he was, told Kiku with a heated voice that he _never_ wanted to return.

"I don't ever want to go back!" He absentmindedly replied, forgetting Matthew who was now hurt over Arthur's clumsy words.

Kiku sensed his friend's sudden depression and looked over at Matthew who was biting his lower lip trying hard not to say anything or do anything to further anger Arthur who was being a spoiled brat. "…Arthur…please…take those words back and apologize." Kiku whispered softly, but the Briton did not hear or chose not to hear which made Matthew's face glow peach with shame.

Matthew parked his car in front of the entrance to the airport, and the two got out with their luggage in hand. Kiku bid a farewell followed by a soft apology while Arthur turned around, walking away and ignoring all the eyes watching him.

As they sat down near their gate, Kiku had to listen to his celebrity's angry tantrums. "I hope he dies." He would hear him say as he tried to open his peanut packet with all his might, but due to his rage and thinking process failed to for the third time.

"Arthur-san…what happened?" Kiku replied sternly as he took the packet away from the Briton and let out a scowl and a rare defensive glare. "I know how angry you can get…but getting angry at Alfred and Matthew are _impossible_!" The manager replied with disbelief and rage as he stared at the Briton who just gave out a snort.

"Don't give me that. Alfred is the most conniving piece of crap I've ever laid eyes upon!" He replied with ill intentions and got up as their gate was opened.

Kiku shut his mouth, paralyzed by Arthur's hurtful words and only followed the man slowly and unsurely towards their seat.

"…I hope he goes to hell." Arthur's voice mentioned once again with an unshakeable truth and yet some small sparkle seemed to slip out of the corner of his eyes.


	16. Like Nothing at All

Losing Grace

**By **_**Ryukansen**_

**Chapter Sixteen: **Like Nothing at All

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**Author's Notes: **Sorry for my weak display of "M Rated" content on the last chapter. I'm awful at writing things like that, but I guess I was just trying to please _some_ people since Alfred and Arthur keep on having random fluff moments. Anyways, the next chapters will have more angst piling up. Arthur in this chapter, is so confusing, right? Please _**Read & Review**_ like always! Alfred's chapter next!

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Once again he found himself surrounded and flooded by the shimmering lights coming from the dozens of cameras of roaring fans and fascinated paparazzi who made a living making his life a joke. There were banners everywhere with his name written in perfect cursive and small springs of confetti dashed about by loyal fans who pleaded for him to sign an autograph on anything they could find in their purses.

But no. Despite the crowd's happy and cheerful welcome back, he would not return a smile after all he has gone through. Instead of his normal polite grins and shake of hands and even turning around to answer a few questions with the media, all he did was march solemnly through the noisy crowd with Kiku following behind in the same dark aura.

He made no move to take a leather book and sign his pathetic name in it. He made no move to grab the microphone from a news reporter and explain what he has been going through. No, he absolutely would not tell anyone _anything._

Not after all the things he had gone through….that past month in which was supposed to be an earthly heaven suddenly became a hellish nightmare.

"_I never said that." _The same, loveable voice had betrayed him at that moment - and he nearly snapped forgetting where he was.

Oh yes…in a London airport. Of course.

Finding his way through the narrowed space left for him to walk, he found a familiar person appearing before him from the farthest end of the airport and closest to the nearest way out. A small frown plastered onto his perfect, sculpted face - standing straight with arms crossed like a disappointed mother. Leather shoes tapped on the marble flooring and a couple of other people surrounded him wearing the same black uniform and the same scowls across their face.

Arthur didn't need to know who were the men in black, and was sure he had gotten into an incredible amount of trouble once Roderich mouthed his name with a ferocious tranquility.

He stepped closer, hearing his feet take on the marble flooring one at a time until he reached Roderich, standing seven feet apart. Their eyes met with a grave silence washed between them. Currently the crowd was being suppressed by the local police, leaving both men time to stare at one another with contempt.

"Good to have you back." The Austrian murmured softly while turning his back away from Arthur and motioning him to come and ride with him in his sleek, black car. In a matter of seconds the Englishman left the airport and the crowd, finding a couple of cars behind Roderich's.

"Come in, please." The man behind the glasses let out a wry smile as he opened the door and let himself in before letting Arthur.

The ride to wherever had been coated with awkward silence as they sat next to each other in discomfiture. Slashes of gold and silver lights zoomed by them as the car went at it's fastest at the possible allowed speed limit. Roderich would cough a little with an excuse followed right after, while Arthur squirmed around, fumbling his frail fingers with no words to retort back.

They had eventually parked in front of a small, private diner in which he and Roderich, during their better old days would spend a great amount of time joking around as if there was no time to waste. Arthur was confused as the young man stepped out of his car in silence and walked towards the bitter memory with a small twitch of lips. "Arthur, you know how impatient I can be." The Austrian replied as he whirled around facing the Englishman who was still sitting in the car.

Hesitantly, Arthur came out and walked alongside his edgy companion. With careful, long strides he looked down at the pavement below their feet trying not to make eye contact with anyone near by them, especially Roderich who seemed to be quite irritated by his past behavior.

The door slides open electronically, something Arthur hadn't noticed after leaving the place for good when he officially initiated his and Roderich's bad relationship. It had been a good, long time since he came over to the diner, and he could see that there were new renovations that took place after he left.

The whole cafeteria was washed with bright, yellow and white, striped wallpaper and the usual disturbingly browning counters (due to the ages) were topped with flowery-patterned marble countertops. Instead of their normal fluorescent lighting a generous, anonymous donor had allowed for the small eatery to upgrade into a rather expensive chandelier, even with Arthur's own taste.

"Sit, please, if you will." His boss replied pointing at booth which was currently being occupied by a stranger dressed in dark and long clothing. Arthur found it impossible to see who was under the hooded figure, and decided not to even bother with him or her. He didn't know if Roderich was serious or not, but he could feel a hostile atmosphere arouse him as he took the other man's suggestion while watching Roderich head towards the hostess ordering probably what they would have usually had during their younger days…a nice cold beer.

After a couple of minutes a waitress arrived carrying Roderich's order handing Arthur _and_ the stranger both a glass of beer wearing a rather subtle smile. "Take your times, darling." The woman replied in a sing-song manner and headed back towards the counter talking to the elderly woman near the cashier about who had paid for the meal.

Roderich in a matter of seconds came with a cup of coffee in his hands, looking as grim as ever. "Enjoying it?" He asked staring at Arthur who was gulping the beverage with exhaustion and greed. The stranger in front of Arthur only sipped it distastefully before pushing it away with a frown gracing his scruffy lower jaw. He apparently disapproved of Arthur and Roderich's taste, but kept silent all along.

"…Well, let's get onto full terms now, shall we?" The Austrian boss murmured while pulling out a clipboard from nowhere much to Arthur's surprise and begun to read various titles from the media from the last month.

A whirlwind of titles flew by him as he needed to take time to register what had been going on the past month. "…Seychelles…and Bonnefoy?" He reiterated half of the title Roderich had given him after his random splurge and fit of media entertainment headlines.

"Yes, apparently, the media caught those two _together _in the same hotel room." Roderich crossed his legs while staring hard at the dark figure next to Arthur who had recently pushed the alcohol away from him. "Isn't that right,_ Francis?_" Roderich asked almost in an annoyed tone, and in a matter of seconds Arthur whipped his head to see the stranger unveil himself into a miserable Frenchman.

Francis let out a pathetic pout as he crossed his arms across his chest. Next to him was a disbelieving Arthur who gazed at him with the most fiercest of glares and was ready to pummel the other man to the next century until Roderich told the two to hold their actions. "Honestly, Arthur, I didn't call you to start a new headline." He replied with a disappointed sigh and whisked his brunette hair away from his edgy eyes.

Arthur glowered at the Francis while turning his attention back to Roderich with an equally pissed off demeanor. "I came back from New York, and had the worse day of my life there…and you get me back here to spit at my face with this nonsense?" He roared while letting out a defiant glare at the men around him.

"First of all, it was not _my _decision to plan a month's time in New York - and I certainly never saw the impending doom that was to ruin your life there." Started the Austrian who let out an equal gaze of disappointment and impatience. "And secondly, I didn't call you here to _bicker_ with this other idiot." He pointed at Francis with an equal glower, and averted his attention back at Arthur. "I asked you to come back here to _reestablish _your ties." He muttered firmly and took a sip of his coffee.

He could feel his heart pounding with rage again, and he grounded his teeth while he took another swig of his beverage. Never in his awful life had he had to come to face to two different dilemmas on back to back days! The last dilemma ended up with him…constantly…badmouthing Alfred, but it wasn't his fault! It was the stupid American's! His heart started to pound in a more saddening note.

"…Therefore, you and Bonnefoy will do a countless amount of friendly advertisement for the Children's Channel and Music Channel." Arthur zoned back onto the conversation with the other men and Roderich was now giving him papers along with Francis who remained eerily silent for the last few minutes. "Here are the list of _friendly_ and _fun_ commercials you two will undergo together." The man replied almost enthusiastically, and then his voice fell as he mentioned that Seychelles would also take part in a few commercials to even out everything.

"And last but not least. Third week of July, Bonnefoy will host up his show with you _and _Seychelles _together." _His voice was clipped and crisp and his glasses were shining with intensity. "You two then and there will announce your unwavering engagement plans." He murmured before dispensing his drink and handing the waitress wad of money to pay for it all, including tips.

Arthur's mouth hung open as he watched Roderich's figure slowly vanish from the shadowy night, leaving him alone with Francis who had been pouting the whole time.

"So…what was the whole media about _you_ and _Seychelles_?" The Briton gritted his teeth while handing the waitress his glass, not leaving his gaze from the man next to him. Francis smiled nervously, and never got to explain as Arthur began to throw tantrums and nearly even got to choke the poor man till he collapsed.

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As soon as Arthur got home, Kiku was sitting in a perfect posture, reading a small magazine with such elegance and tranquility as he breathed lightly flipping through the pages with rare interest. "Ah, England-san." His manager let out a timid smile after recognizing the ragged man standing in front of the doorway. He stood up and placed the magazine back into it's position on the coffee table while walking towards the Briton and helping him get his coat off of his exhausted self.

"You must be tired." Kiku breathed against his neck while helping him lay down on a recliner. He really was tired after all he had experienced. Kiku knew it very well, and yet there was some feeling unsettling in his heart as he thought desperately hard on how to appease the troubled Briton.

"….Would you like…to tell me anything?" His manager kept egging him with questions to help him feel better, and yet he could only see those questions as questions of insult.

"No." He muttered while covering himself with a soft blanket, hovering it above his head as if to cover himself from humiliation.

Kiku sighed while heading towards his kitchen, hoping to make him feel better with a nice cup of tea.

It was pure white and spotless - perfect and square. Kiku took a bag of tea from one of the cabinets and began to brew it with little patience - wanting badly to figure out what was the cause of Arthur's recent explosion with Alfred.

The whole idea of suddenly leaving Alfred five hours earlier than the normal was heart wrenching, and seeing the young American with a humiliated expression and sad eyes - was even more unbearable or Kiku who had to see both people in pain.

A sigh escaped his lips as he headed back towards the living room where Arthur was currently trying to finish John Milton's, _Paradise Lost_. The young Briton only looked up for a brief second before putting the literature back into his library and hiding himself from the Japanese another time to avoid any further questions.

"Arthur, please…get this off your chest." Kiku muttered, but to no avail was the Briton allowing him any more answers.

Slowly Kiku could sense a strange sadness stench the room.

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Francis was sure Arthur would have murdered him after hearing the news of his and Seychelles sudden encounter, but he was proven wrong when the Briton came up to him the next day with a sour smile engraved on his face. The proper blonde had met him with glowing emerald eyes and was ready for their first advertisement run - but secretly Francis knew something bugged the hell out of the Englishman who was currently trying to shove the thoughts away.

"It really works! Right, Francis?" Arthur exclaimed with a feigned enthusiastic voice as they started filming. He was holding onto a random bottle of one of Shelly's famous shampoos and was now lathering it on a pet, fluffy dog who was lapping at his face with energy. Francis was holding onto a small towel at the meantime, helping Arthur clean up the mess with an expertly feigned laugh and smile.

The two in viewers eyes would have seemed like a happy couple enjoying their moment with their pet, but underneath it all - right after the commercial and magazine shoots there was an awkward silence that took place in the room.

"Hey…we didn't mean it.." Francis started hoping to relieve Arthur from his anger, but only slightly burdening the man more as he clutched onto a bottle of water after having been under too much bright lights for the day. "Seychelles and I…we…-"

"Shut the hell up." Arthur interrupted him while taking a drink of his water and wiping the sweat from his forehead - or maybe the tears from his eyes? Francis shut himself up before he could insult anymore and silently watched the Briton ignore the rest of reality. "It's always _You _and _Seychelles, We_ and _everyone!_" He drawled on like a drunk man while muttering other unfamiliar names and truths.

"I can't take it anymore." The Briton sighed revealing fresh tears as he sat up and looked at the ceiling with little relief written in his eyes. " It's too hard." He grumbled while groveling his head between his arms.

"Hey." Francis replied solemnly while putting a hand on Francis' free shoulder. "What happened in New York?" He asked trying to change the subject - but only getting deeper into the problem.

"You would never understand how I feel." The man replied with his scary gaze while looking away ashamed and red. "I nearly crushed my masculinity." He muttered while looking away in regret. "Son of a bitch." He whispered after, only for Francis to hear perfectly and clearly.

"Care to tell me?" The Frenchman asked with a frown taking place as Arthur gazed at him with watering eyes and trembling lips.

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He was completely baffled after Arthur told his tale of woe. Not because of the young man's sudden claim of being gay, but because Arthur was an _idiot_ to have let go of that Alfred Jones. Even Francis could tell the genuine love Arthur had for the other man, and even if he didn't know Alfred personally there was something about Arthur's tone that would make one think Alfred was nothing but good. He remained shocked, mouth gaping wide as he gazed at the stupid Englishman now blowing his nose in a handkerchief while muttering his own idiocy.

"I should have never gone there." Arthur blamed himself for ever wanting to escape from England for the time, and was reprimanding himself for even meeting Matthew of all people.

"Hey - what's done is done." Francis muttered, apparently annoyed by Arthur's sudden bashing on his friends, especially that _Matthew_ kid. "You can't change the past." He whispered while clutching onto Arthur's left arm and squeezing it tight with efforts of comfort.

"To me, my friend, you just are paralyzed by the magic that Alfred has on you." He tried sounding like good friend - but in the end, Arthur insulted him and the two finished off with quick fist fights before Seychelles entered asking if Arthur was available for a shopping spree.

Francis let the two off and let out a small smile as he ran his thin hands through his blonde wispy hair.

"What a messy love." He sighed and gazed at the empty room, feeling the heavy aching of loneliness.

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She kept pulling him around through various shops and even exclaimed about a new popular district withcertain foreign shops ready to open soon. They were holding hands, and many people came up to them wanting autographs in which Seychelles obliged with a happy face. Elderly and teen couples kept gazing at them in admiring jealously while they hung out at the stores and gazed at dresses and tuxedos.

"Isn't that beautiful?" She would point at a silky white dress in a Very Wang's Shoppe and he would let out a soft smile saying, "Yes it is…it would look good on you wouldn't it?" And her smile would brighten up his day.

After that they went to a Crepe store and ordered one huge chocolate with strawberries as the side. They ate it peacefully and happily, like a couple falling in love again - and their kisses afterwards would have made any fan crazy to have at least a couple of shots of their romantic splurge.

The day nearly went peacefully until Arthur returned home to see Kiku in a grave attitude, crossing his arms with defense and a sudden glare illuminating form his hazelnut eyes.

"Francis told me _everything_." He retorted like a mother figuring out the most naughtiest of secrets from a dirty child.

Arthur stared at Kiku with absolutely no clue until he saw Kiku's face reddening in a rare moment. "Honestly, Arthur - I can't believe you." He used his name for the first time while putting his frail hand on his forehead as if he couldn't bare the sudden news. "I told you to stay away from _him!_"

_Stay away from who? Stay away from who?_ Arthur had to think after having had an excellent day with his fiancée.

Kiku stared at the oblivious Briton who seemed to try and register his words. "For goodness sakes!" His manager looked almost enraged, but his eyes seemed to have saddened. "Alfred! Alfred!" He brought his name once more from the clean grave in his heart. "How _could_ you?" Kiku exclaimed while turning around and letting out an awkward sob from his usual silent façade.

"W-What did I do?" Arthur replied getting angry at the Japanese who kept on saying how awful he was.

"I told you not to involve yourself with him!" His manager wagged his index finger furiously while his head shook with a strange fervor. "I _told you_, and **look** what happened!" He replied pointing at Arthur with an invisible accusation. "You had to fall for him." He whispered and turned around, his reddened face now hushing to a delicate pink. "You had to fall in love." He whispered and turned his back on Arthur.

Arthur never understood how Alfred's name could make such a huge impact in his life. That single name and every good thing today happened to all of a sudden vanish into thin air leaving himself in the same guilt and saddened state from the very beginning since he had come back to London.

"I didn't fall in love with him." He sighed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. "I'm in love with Seychelles." He whispered and walked towards his bedroom without any more words squeaking out of Kiku or himself.

The whole apartment was now silent and Kiku was left trying to figure out what had become of the poor celebrity.


	17. Never

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Seventeen: **Never

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**Author's Note: **Sorry this chapter took so long. In the end, it was one of the most difficult chapters to convey since this chapter's mood was to be the epitome of sadness, selfishness, and loss. For now. It's considerably shorter since it was so hard to write of - but I hope you guys take a liking to it.

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She didn't know what had happened during the camping trip, but whenever _their _eyes met she would see such a pained expression written all over his cool blue pools for a brief second, before he would suddenly distract himself with a useless chore.

She tried to help him; comfort him from the nagging idea in the back of his mind, but he would always somehow be able to swat her away with a small plea or gentle touch. And she would in effect, do as he pleased and step away from him to give him room to think, despite the aching feeling swelling in her chest.

Her heart had been breaking as of late, and she could do nothing about it whenever he turned to face the gray fields or setting sun. His back would always be facing her, and she would see how tall he was, how far away he was, and how much his mind wandered off to a new idea - one that she could not simply grasp.

Despite his clever guises, she still saw the glimpse of guilt and desire. And she knew how deep his feelings could get.

She knew how much it would bear into the back of his mind and heart, taunt him, haunt him and even physically pain him when his feelings got a chance to invade his conscience.

Liechtenstein clutched onto her heart as she stared back at Alfred, her cerulean eyes blinking back possible tears as she tried desperately hard to be strong for him.

_Her heart had been breaking as of late_, and she understood full well where everything was about to stand between him and her.

Because right now, his back was still facing her - and she was gazing at him as if he was an impossibility blocking her from her own desire.

Sometimes she would go to the bathroom, gag and sob, finding herself useless to please the man she loved. She would clutch onto her corn-colored hair and tug on it as if it was the only way to comfort her. It would be painful sometimes as she saw her reflection gazing back at her with the same pitiful expression in a cracked glass ready to break.

The colorful silk ribbon dangling from her hair would fall and leave her to herself - making her uglier, in her own words, as tears would ruin her usual bright appearance.

It drove her crazy as she paced back and forth in her room for several nights thinking of how to make the man she loved, well, love her again…

She would think endlessly but find no answer.

And yet, those other times she would just stare at his back, and wait - wait for him to turn around with a smile gracing his lips matched with cheery eyes.

Nothing would happen.

And she knew that in the end, he wouldn't smile. Not at her, at least.

_Never_ at her.

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Matthew watched Alfred sit in one of the wooden stools alongside the backyard porch. His elder twin was watching the sunset glaze about on the orange-green fields in a remarkably strange silence. He was, himself, also quiet - but that was just him…not his brother. _Never_ his brother.

"Alfred, Liechtenstein finished dinner." Matthew called out as he stared at the man awkwardly gaze back at him with a deadpan stare before blinking his way back to reality. He, once more, repeated his statement before heading back inside the kitchen finding the two other farm siblings gravely eating with repressed feelings.

Matthew took his seat while chewing onto a piece of meat Vash had hunted during the morning when everyone was still in bed, too shook up to leave their place. He had to imagine what Vash was going through - being the only calm one after Arthur had left them in an unexpected attitude.

Maybe Vash was shook up as well and was just too stubborn to show any of his feelings? Or maybe, like always, he just never cared at all for Arthur?

Probably the latter, Matthew suspected. His attention was drawn; however, towards the opening door from the back of the house.

Alfred had entered about half an hour later with a small feigned smile engraved on his solemn, exhausted face. Liechtenstein had become rigid upon seeing him and looked down at her plate while Vash kept ignoring the dramatic aura surrounding the whole family. It was as if, to Vash, nothing was going on - it was like a normal day.

Matthew took his time watching his brother pick a plate and eat very little.

As of late, Alfred's appetite was slowly vanishing every day.

And It was one of these rare moments, the blonde had to admit, when he felt like he was losing his brother all over again.

He remembers all the countless experiences he had with Alfred - and how all those times nearly almost meant the last time they would be together…

Matthew takes a peak at Alfred making sure his elder brother was still in the room as he began to daydream of the nightmares of their childhood.

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He remembered the first time Alfred's life was almost lost, it was a bright sun shining morning and he woke up with a startling sound escaping from the kitchen. He ran the fastest he could down the steep stairs and found his parents crouching near their eldest son, speaking words of comfort as the poor boy clutched onto his heart like he always did nowadays. Alfred was grounding his teeth and holding onto their mother's sleeve as he let a painful cry - something Matthew wasn't used too, and never was fond of.

He remembered hearing how nervous his mother was as she started giving strict orders to both men while cradling her baby close to her breast. Matthew found himself running alongside his father who was turning up the engine to their car and simultaneously calling the hospital for preparations of Alfred's arrival.

They had rushed along the dirt-path road, ignoring the speed limits and signs while they tried animating Alfred who seemed to them quite dead, ignoring their voices - finding sleep weighing so heavily on his eye lids.

His mother sounded hoarse while trying to wake Alfred; occasionally telling him to look into her eyes and never stop.

It was one of the first moments Matthew had been nearly scared to death seeing his brother in such a pitiful state.

Ever since that incident Alfred had been left to stay in the hospital for nearly a week and he and his parents would visit the boy everyday just to make sure he was getting the appropriate treatment.

In all of Matthew's life he had never seen the boy drop his smile, and every visit Alfred would smile even wider despite the pain seizing through his body. He knew it was wrong for Alfred to smile so fake, even in front of their parents - but that was the only comfort Alfred could give them as he stood paralyzed in his bed, and suddenly a feeling seemed to ache through Matthew's whole being every time they left to go home.

As if they would lose him in a matter of seconds.

During the night he remembered the hush cries leaving his mother's trembling lips and the way his father would embrace her; comforting her with all his might. But in the end he would look so small…even his huge figure was beginning to crumble as if he too lost his faith for his brother.

It was the only time Matthew had seen his father break down.

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The second time Alfred collapsed in the fields they were playing in while tending to the grazing cattle. His and Yao's parents were friends and were getting along as the oriental couple began speaking about their ideas about a small hospital close to their home. Matthew remembered how enthusiastic his mother and father were as they heard how close Alfred would be with them if he were to ever suffer the same disaster as last time.

Matthew could remember the rising jealousy whenever his parents took care of Alfred - how much sometimes he wished Alfred was never born because of how his life always interfered with his own.

It was only a spur of the moment hatred, but all in all - Alfred always seemed to make Matthew envy his position.

He remembered how selfish he could be whenever he lay on his bed and watch his brother's breathing slowly drop in even intervals. Matthew remembered how much he would wonder what he would do if suddenly Alfred stopped breathing.

And in some cases, Matthew would often decide not to tell.

Maybe he seemed twisted when he was a child, but back then he honestly believed God wanted to take his brother away from them for a good reason.

He shook his head finding himself so naïve, and for a brief second of the present found his brother heading back outside to breathe the fresh air.

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The third time Alfred collapsed was the worst, before any of the other collapses when Arthur was around.

During this time there parents were already dead after a vehicle accident leaving the two all alone- and Matthew now became the substitute of their worried selves. Everyday he would tend to the collapsed figure who was residing in Yao's new hospital.

At this time Kiku fled to pursue his dreams and so Taiwan was around helping him as they cared for an ill Alfred.

He remembered how much he cried whenever his brother told him what he did was enough. Alfred's voice would be so distant and soft, and his eyes would be gentle and pleading as his pale and fragile hand touched Matthew's red cheek.

He remembered how that one night while it was raining, the heart monitor suddenly stopped for a minute, panicking all members of the hospital before they got Alfred to breathe again by performing a couple of quick exercises. Matthew was nearly paralyzed when he heard the flat sound of the monitor go off during his sleep; and he honestly believed he had lost Alfred at that moment.

But no, never again would he fall asleep on his brother's dying moments. He would not! He loved his brother to death, and he would not see his brother's death…._Never_.

"Alfred…come inside, it's getting cold." Matthew muttered out of his nightmarish dreamland while standing close to the porch and lending out his hand to his deprived twin. Alfred let out a small smile while taking his hand and entering the household himself.

It was very warm thanks to Liechtenstein who had heated the place up for Alfred despite the cost, and Alfred felt somewhat guilty as he entered his own home feeling so pathetic in front of everyone's even gaze.

Liechtenstein seemed heartbroken for a good reason whenever he made eye contact with her - and now his heart seemed to break apart itself when their eyes clashed.

Matthew was supporting him, his eyes pleading for him to get back to normal and simply forget what had happened between him and Arthur and constantly his younger twin would remind him life was like this, and there would always be disappointments in the near future.

Vash…well, he was himself, but a dangerous glint could be seen in the farthest corner of his bright blue eyes.

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Alfred sighed.

He felt so helpless.

While night approached, Alfred stared at the ceiling wall intently while in bed. It had been a while since he had felt like sleeping because the last couple of days he was plagued with insomnia that came right after Arthur had abruptly left.

He knew it was his fault. He knew he simply could not hog Arthur all to himself, he after all, was a simple farmer while Arthur had the whole world to attend to. He was useless to the world - he was a symbol of continuing poverty while Arthur was the star that bloomed through midnight satisfying everyone he met.

Deep in the American's mind he knew he had spoiled Arthur from the world, and that he had tainted the Briton. Dirtied the poor man with his selfish ideas.

And yet even though he had traced his hands all over the man's body, he couldn't help but remember the smile breaking onto Arthur's face. How gentle it was and how much his forest-green eyes danced as he continued to touch him with fondness.

He remembered how Arthur's voice was so soft, and how his gentle touches aroused him while he kept kissing his lips.

Never in his life has he ever tasted something so sweet and perfect. It was as if it was heaven-sent, and he knew it was. Arthur was heaven sent…

And he was….

….nowhere close to Arthur at all.

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When Matthew woke up he found Alfred staring into his breakfast - gazing at it with discomfiture as he took time to eat a small portion of his porridge. His hands were shaking as he took a small sip and put the spoon back down with frustration but mild interest.

These days his brother looked so thin. His body sometimes looked like it would collapse at any moment. Bright blue eyes reduced to nothing but a melancholic gray, and his hair…so unkempt and ashen gray, Matthew's heart pounded.

His brother was such a wreck.

"Hey, Alfred - need any help?" Matthew managed to smile while walking up towards his twin and retrieving the silver spoon from his brother's bowl.

Alfred's eyes had a small shine to them, and he nodded weakly while Matthew began to feed him. His heart ached as he found his brother's strange strength slowly vanish into a fragile frame. His own hands begun to shake as he fed his weak brother his breakfast.

His heart began to break slowly.

"So…where's Vash and Liechtenstein?" He wanted his mind off of Alfred's sudden appearance, but nothing could take his mind off of him. Nothing.

Alfred didn't respond, he was just simply too weak. His eyes slowly ventured towards the fields though - his face pale as he tried to point to Matthew where they were.

His twin looked so pathetic as he sat there, lonely in the corner of the kitchen, eating slowly while shaking himself to death. Matthew did not know what to do - and slowly found himself breaking down as he left Alfred to himself.

He was in the bathroom - staring at himself, finding his lively blue eyes annoying while his brother's ashen gray eyes cooled the kitchen, itself. Biting his lower lip, Matthew decided to do one thing.

And no one could stop him.

No one will ever stop him.

Never.

"Ah, Matthew where are you going?" Liechtenstein asked as she stepped into the house carrying laundry and finding the young American walk out of the door with a simple suitcase in hand.

"…To find someone." He replied and slammed the door leaving Liechtenstein and Alfred to themselves.

"Oh…Alfred…" The woman murmured and held the young man close to herself. "Please don't leave me...not now." She whispered and dug her head into his back.

"I love you."

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	18. Mini Episode 18: Problems

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Mini Episode - 18:** Problems

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**Author's Note: **I'd like to think that there are more than one climax points in my story - so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. _Fate_ is a very appropriate name for this chapter, I should think. Once again, please _**read & review!**_ The end of the story is coming closer and closer! I think this is the only mini episode I'll put up for this story - I needed to make quick connections and such to make _Losing Grace_ go a little smoother. Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long to write.

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By the time he arrived in England autumn had taken it's place in the country as well and cooled the atmosphere, sprinkling the trees with various colored leaves and icing up a little of the frosted grass. Matthew was baffled at how beautiful the place was; he had never gone to Europe despite the programs his University offered in Student Exchanges, but he never had the chance to apply since his family had difficulty in paying for his tuition and fees. In his point of view, England was like a fantasy world coated with magnificent sceneries and things his home country would never have.

It was like a dream for him to see so much historical buildings and beautiful statues clustered and expertly decorated in one beautiful area. His heart was pounding in amazement as he strolled in a park nearby the airport he had left, and now he was aimlessly walking; searching for anything he could grasp onto. Any information, anything at all about Arthur Kirkland!

Alright, Matthew did _not_ think rationally about his plans very well. All he remembered was leaving his brother's house in a hurry and driving himself crazily to the nearest airport. After that, well - he paid the flight to London with most of the money he had saved up to help with paying for his college fees…but Alfred didn't know anything about it, so he assumed it would be alright if he wasted everything he had for his older brother…

And now, he was here. Finally in London, England - but now _what_? He sighed while sitting on a vacant bench and leaned against his luggage with discomfort. He wasn't becoming like his stubborn, rash brother was he? Alfred certainly had a lot of influence on him, though.

Well, anyways he had some money left that he had exchanged into British Pounds and had just about enough for a two day rental at a hotel and some food…but then after that he'd be in trouble. Great trouble. He'd soon call himself a wandering vagabond after those two days, and he was _not_ going to end up with no results. He would bring Arthur back! And that was his plan! Nothing else could come from it!

Standing up and picking his pace, Matthew decided to survey the area and find a reasonable lodging and eatery.

His stomach was grumbling, and he hadn't had a good meal since breakfast where he left Alfred all to himself. With a sigh the young American had to tell himself, this was going to be a really long day to separate reality from his fantasy.

Although the streets were brimming with jolly locals, Matthew found himself too out of place to ask for help. Sighing, he ventured through the many alleyways looking for the best place to sleep.

A nap sounded appealing to him despite his starving self, and he was in need of one after the last month of torture Alfred had put him in.

A depressing brother was always torture for Matthew, at least.

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"Let me see the amount we owe!" Wang snatched the bill out of his brother's hands while scanning the numbers with contempt, before throwing it back on the table. "How did this _happen_?" The man grumbled while covering his raven head with his skinny arms, cursing all the while with a muffled tone.

"I assume it must be due to the lack of…patients here." Hong Kong replied calmly while regaining the document and staring at it with small anxiety at the amount they needed to pay to maintain their hospital. "…After all, even mother and father had trouble maintaining this place." He added with a stern voice and gazed at his brother with shining eyes.

Wang sighed while shoving up his scarlet sleeves up his shoulder all the while his bangs falling gently onto his hazelnut eyes. "Bring me the phone." He demanded, outstretching his arm to achieve the old fashioned receiver. "…

Hong Kong stared quietly and obeyed his command.

After a couple of calls to various relatives, Wang ended up with no results and appeared to be fuming as he continuously stared at the empty space in front of him with a glare.

"Completely useless!" Wang grumbled staring at the phone with a malicious aura. "I can't believe those two." He spat at the receiver and threw it across the room, angered by his relatives' _selfish _behaviors. "All I ask is for them to donate some money - that's all." He whined as Hong Kong continued to gaze at him with gentle eyes.

Although Vietnam and Thailand were one of the star children out of the family - they were also currently undergoing impediments that Wang would never understand. Vietnam had called saying she had to pay for her own bills and her own parents' mortgage while Thailand was simply ignoring him, letting the phone ring for several minutes. Leaving Wang unattended to.

"Perhaps if you were more gentle, brother." The younger sibling whispered quietly, too afraid of his own voice. Wang gazed at Hong Kong with narrowed eyes while flipping his head towards the opposite side of the room - avoiding his brother's stare. "If…you were more gentle, than you might have gotten help from both Vietnam and Thailand." He replied bashfully, a glowing pink spreading across his face.

"Silence!" Wang retorted back and gazed at him with a dangerous glint in the eye. "…What's done is done. I have nothing else…but…" A sigh escaped his chapped lips as he slid his hand through his raven hair.

"Brother, the reason why the others left is because of your domineering personality - if you please-!!!"

He was quickly shut up with a slap, and Hong Kong found himself touching his sensitive cheek with a shaking hand. Never in his life had Wang ever touched him - and to feel the aching spread across his face only showed him more of his brother's strength and anger.

"I said, silence." He whispered and dug his head back beneath his frail arms.

As he hid himself from Hong Kong, he heard the door close gently with a shuffle of movement coming from the other child. Wang sighed with relief as soon as his brother left - there was nothing left for him. Absolutely nothing. The hospital couldn't survive with him being boss…he knew that…and yet…

"The only thing I have left…to save this hospital is to…" He sighed, rubbing his temple. The doctor sighed finding himself even more hopeless.

So was this the reason why his other siblings were running away? The inevitability of their position as doctors? To escape poverty and a limited life? Being a doctor meant wealth, and yet in Wang's case…having no patients…meant having nothing else to do.

He sighed, walked across the room, and picked the phone back up. Staring at the sleek, classical receiver with concern.

"One thing left to do…"

And with that he begun to dial a few secret numbers with deep hesitation.

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Ivan had never expected _this_ day to have come so early, and he was pretty much well pleased after the contract was completed and made safe into his own hands. He smelled the perfumed document and let out a rare grin as he stamped his red-mark approval onto the last page of the file.

"Um…Mr. Braginsky, the room for patient 211 is done." Taiwan replied quietly as she recognized the papers in his hands and watched it with bewilderment.

"Ah…so you noticed?" The Russian doctor sighed with a small calm smile. For once, Ivan revealed Taiwan a side she had never seen from her employer.

He looked almost relieved and calm, never before in her life had she seen such a gentle smile take place on his pale face. "It's your parent's contract to the main hospital. Unfortunately you're brother couldn't maintain the hospital near the countryside, so he's giving everything to me." The doctor licked his lips with greed and stacked the papers in a neat pile while putting them in a manila folder.

"But, yes…please - take the patient to his room, will you?"

The small girl bowed obediently and left in a sickening hurry as she turned corners of the hallways and automatically went to the bathroom neglecting her duties.

If Wang gave up the family clinic…then what did it mean? Her heart pounded vigorously before she took off again to retrieve her patient.

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	19. Intertwined

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Nineteen: **Intertwined

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**Author's Note: **Forgive me for my lack of knowledge _outside_ of the U.S. I have always wanted to go to England since I had a relative there - but I lost my chance, partly because my parents didn't believe I can handle it. And when I mean lack of knowledge, I simply mean much more closer city knowledge. I don't think I'm getting anywhere, am I? But about my apologies! I searched through sites to find a restaurant in London, England - I randomly picked it, so please don't be so cruel to me as to ask why I chose "The Albemarle." But nonetheless, I still would like you guys to continue _**Reading & Reviewing**_! Thank you guys so much, and the end is a bit closer.

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It was early morning and Matthew was already busily eating a small beef sandwich, potato chips as side and a nice, refreshing soda. He was hungry after venturing through the unknown world searching frantically for an appropriate lodging - and in the end he came to find a humble small inn accepting one more guest for a small amount of money. After that, he really did not have time to eat dinner, finding sleep already taking its heavy toll on him after all the countless actions he made to find a safe and secure place to lodge.

What was strange about the place was that for once, Matthew had found himself to sleep peacefully after leaving Alfred, and was amazed when he woke up to find no sweat trickling down his flushed face or no signs of troubled sleep. For once, he felt relieved to have hardly any burdens resting on his shoulders, excluding the nagging thought in his mind to help his older brother from his guilt.

It was the beginning of a new day, though - and however peaceful his slumber was, now since he was revitalized by the food he had bought from a nearby shop, the young American knew that this was the time to start seizing action - and quickly he had plopped several local newspapers from recent dates and was surveying every content that had anything to do with Arthur Kirkland.

It was not particularly difficult to find local newspapers without Arthur Kirkland as a main topic - what was more confusing was figuring out where the young Briton was heading to next since most of his appearances scattered randomly throughout the whole of England. The last Arthur was seen was supposedly somewhere in Yorkshire, and then yet there were claims that he was traveling in other European countries like France of all places - which frightened the American very much, knowing he had no way to contact the Briton if he were to travel abroad even further. Well…no way, except through e-mail, but as of late the celebrity paid no heed of any of his mail. In fact, Matthew felt Arthur was ignoring his messages on purpose.

In the most recent paper though, Matthew had found out the contact for the photographer who took a picture of a fleeting Arthur and Kiku, running towards a flashy, silver car. Both with flushed faces, and looks of anxiety as they hurried onto their secure area. The date read that it was at least 3 days ago, and so he found him at least _one_ connection to know the whereabouts of his Celebrity friend. He let out a sigh of relief as he began to dial the number, and was happy to hear an energetic reply from the receiving end.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The man chimed in cheerily while Matthew took time to register what to say. "This is Antonio Carriedo, speaking? And this is?" A crash from the other end, made Matthew quickly stammer out his name and "Antonio" began to chuckle sweetly at him.

"So what can I do to help you, Sr. Matthew?" He replied, never losing the touch of happiness in his tone. The man seemed almost less business-like than Matthew had imagined, making him feel rather comfortable around the easy-going aura from the other side of the line.

"I was wondering…if it's possible to help me…find someone…" The American replied quietly finding himself too forward with the photographer who seemed quiet, probably helping out the poor soul who had made the previous crashing noise in the background. "If it's not too much to ask." Matthew added, combing his golden locks with his frail fingers.

He was feeling a little bit anxious to hear Antonio's voice, and seemed to find the sweat originally hidden from his slumber slowly start sliding down his forehead as he tried to calm himself down.

"Hmm, and who is this person you are looking for?" The man replied a little bit interested while then talking to another person in the background in his mother language. "Sorry about that, I have a new assistant here who's so shy - he's the one who'se actually supposed to answer this call, but you know…kids these days." He sighed rather fondly, while Matthew could hear curses from the other end.

"You stupid dumbass! Jerk!" The assistant seemed tough and cruel, and Matthew winced hearing all those profanities escape the man's mouth. Strangely, enough, though the Head Photographer only laughed it off and continued his conversation with him.

"So…?"

"I'm…here to know the whereabouts of Arthur Kirkland." The youngest of the American twin bit his lower lip while silence ensued in the call.

"Ah…one of his crazy fans I see?" The man let out a smirk, and even though Matthew could not see it, he knew it was there nonetheless. "Sorry, but I can't give out private information to locals like you - only I can gain access to his whereabouts and a couple of other paparazzi." He replied quietly and the conversation began to become strangely intense.

"But I'm not a fan…" Went Matthew who gazed hard-eyed at nowhere in front of him while making himself sound firm and in control. "Actually…I have a strange, interesting story to tell you about Arthur Kirkland. First hand account." He murmured, finding himself guilty for having to reveal a few of Arthur's feelings for his brother.

"Oh? Really, now? What about?" The Antonio person replied while yawning and trying to sound at all interested in him.

"I actually know what Arthur Kirkland was doing in New York. I was with him." Matthew closed his eyes and felt his heart beat rapidly pounding against his chest.

There was another awkward silence between them, and another crash coming from the same assistant who seemed to bark out more profanities while all the while complaining in his own mother language.

"…How about we meet somewhere, shall we?" Antonio finally sounded convinced to at least have a see who Matthew was, and hear the tale the man was going to give him. He propped his boots on the table and gazed at the computer monitor while editing a picture of Seychelles and Francis with huge, outlined text in bright colors.

"Um…alright…" Matthew's voice trailed off as he thought hard of where to meet.

"I know! I haven't eaten out for a while, so how about we visit 'The Albemarle?'" The man requested, and for some reason Matthew believed he didn't have enough money to enter that strange-sounding restaurant.

"Um…actually, I'm a bit out of money at the time being…so if we can just converse over a cup of-"

"Nah, don't worry about it! It's my treat!" Antonio smiled while now adding lighting affects to the picture of a rather solemn Arthur walking out of the airport with a bitter frown. Below Arthur's image, he went on making a small text box and outlining his words carefully into black and white. With quick writings from his scruffy notepad, the photographer began to make the final edit to the monthly magazine he was hired for. The main headline title would catch any person's attention, Antonio decided, when he put the huge blinking words that asked, "_What Went on in NY?"_

Matthew on the other side of the line, at the meantime was staring at a map he bought from the hostess of the inn and was looking for where _The Albemarle _would be after asking one of the maids who begun to check every guests rooms and if they were alright

"Um…well you see, since I'm fairly new here…" Matthew's voice was fading out as he traced his index finger alongside the lines of the map he held. "I don't know where it is…" He muttered bashfully, finding himself too stupid to even talk to this Antonio.

"Ah - yes, an American. Forgot you were a foreigner." The man smiled delightfully while sounding as if he were going to drink some sort of beverage as a strange ruffling noise made it's way to Matthew's ear. "Alright, give me your address and we'll pick you up soon!" He retorted playfully after thinking no less than a second. Matthew nodded to himself and gave his address without anymore hesitation.

By the time the two- no, three met, Matthew was flustered by seeing a rather tall and tan man stand outside of a pretty silver car, alongside a rather irritated, shorter man who was now crossing his arms, tapping his feet against the sidewalk in annoyance. He was baffled to see how…strangely handsome the two both were.

"Hey, nice to meet ya'!" Antonio, the taller man (Matthew suspected) called out while waving his hand through the air once Matthew got out and nodded to greet him. "Wow, aren't you…wearing, casual clothing?" He smiled while gazing at the American who was wearing a simple red sweater and dark blue jeans. On the other hand, both Antonio and …his assistant were wearing white dress shirts and black jackets alongside matching ties.

"Well…I told you in the phone call that I don't have a lot of money with me now…so what do you expect me to wear?" The American replied rather irritated while shaking his blonde hair with irritation. Antonio just continued to smile while his assistant continued to cast an angry glare.

"Alright, sorry, sorry!" The man patted him on the back while offering him a seat in the back of his car. Matthew sighed, sitting down obediently while the other two got to their own seats.

It was a rather discomforting rode to the restaurant they were going. Antonio had turned up the radio to listen to an unfamiliar song Matthew had never head of while Romano (Antonio had made the young man introduce himself) kept on staring hard, nearly trying to bore a hole in the side of Antonio's skull.

Time passed with Matthew fidgeting in his seat, Antonio humming to the next new song and Romano remaining eerily quiet which made Matthew all the more uncomfortable. When they finally reached their destination, Matthew felt even more embarrassed to be in such an enchanting restaurant in such casual clothing.

"How are we going to get in without being noticed, dumbass?" Romano finally piped up while glaring at Antonio and then averting his attention towards Matthew with repulsion. "He's wearing _these_ in _there._" He grumbled while pointing at the red sweater and blue jeans with a shake of the head - "I don't even think we can get in." He concluded and crossed his arms with a pout.

The two men looked at Matthew obsessively while trying to figure out what to do with the young man. Indeed, the Albemarle did allow walk-in customers, however…both men knew that it was quite embarrassing to eat with someone who had dressed up so…plainly. "Honestly, you Americans!" Romano grumbled wanting to curse Matthew endlessly, but Antonio made him stop immediately with a smile still on his lips.

"Hmm…I guess, there's nothing to be done but help him dress up." He replied and put his hands on Matthew's shoulders, making the American tense up a bit. "Don't worry! You will just need to pay us back." He winked and ushered him into the closest tailor shop nearby. Romano followed bitterly while remarking a few sadistic things to Matthew; albeit the American had no clue.

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"Where are we going you bloody fool?" Arthur replied while sitting down in the farthest area of the limousine. Francis on the other hand was currently ignoring him and tending to his face - applying powder to ease his pretty complexion. "Listen to me, you git!" The Briton shouted while throwing a nearby accessory at the Frenchman who seemed to dodge it with expertise.

"Ah, I'm just dropping you off in the center of London aren't I?" Francis smirked while batting his eyes; his lavender pools further irritating Arthur who was looking away from him, obviously embarrassed. "Or do you want to come with me?" He teased, making the Briton turn scarlet as a tomato - but despite his current appearance, a tight frown was plastered onto his face.

"No…I think I should just…go home for the time being." The other blonde murmured to the Frenchman while snuggling his chin against a free palm. Francis let out a small sigh while nodding. "Anyways, I'll be appearing in your stupid show the day after tomorrow." He reasoned, looking at his long-time rival with an exhausted frown.

After dropping off the tired celebrity, Francis ran his hand through his messy mane, and let out a sigh of relief. It had been a while since Arthur had gotten home, after all their travels, and he found it reasonable for the Briton to rest after having experienced so many traumatic events the past few days.

"Ah, oh well - I guess I'll go ahead and set up my date." He smirked while rubbing his hands together in excitement and ordering his chauffer to hurry onto the local restaurant his date had reserved for them.

It had been a while since he could go to a casual rendezvous and was easily pleased when he had reached his destination so quickly. There would be 2 hours left until his date arrived, but he didn't care - he would make their meeting absolutely perfect!

"Ah, but why _this_ place?" He asked rather bored while gazing at the restaurant with dissatisfaction. "I suppose it _does_ have dishes even I could like." He muttered rather egotistically while entering through the doors of the Albemarle.

He should say that he wasn't awed at the atmosphere; no, he had gone to this place many times before with fellow classmates and old time friends - he was gazing at _someone_ rather than something to say the least.

"Alright, see you look much better!" A voice came from the other side of the room while the young, slender blonde gazed at the brunette with blinking, wide eyes. Francis just continued to stare as him, bewildered at the blonde's every movement.

The three men sat together at a table and smiled rather awkwardly - well at least, the blonde one was. To Francis, he seemed to feel like he was out of place while he ordered some dish with a very…American accent. The Frenchman smirked as he continued to lean against the wooden counter, ignoring the cashier who was trying to grab his every attention.

"So Matthew!" Francis continued to stare at the blonde, who seemed to react to the name with a bashful, but very appealing smile. "Let's get to business, shall we?" The brunette was happily excusing himself from their dinner while looking attentively into the American's gorgeous violet eyes.

Matthew seemed to turn scarlet whenever Antonio gazed at him with an expectant stare. Romano on the other hand was chewing quietly, ignoring Antonio's gaze but never looking pleased with himself as he turned away from Matthew's view.

"Ah- yes….well…" His soft voice trailed and to Francis, he seemed to get even more aroused at the unexpected beauty before him. "…I'll only give you my story if you give me the whereabouts of Arthur Kirkland." He replied turning pink as he clenched his fingers tightly with shame.

Antonio continued to smile, Romano continued to masticate noisily while Francis blinked with interest.

"Of course, of course!" The Spaniard grinned and set the napkin cloth onto his lap as he was preparing to eat dinner. "Well, you requested for his whereabouts first…but isn't it more appropriate for you to give me something in the beginning?" His smiling face was annoying Matthew, but the American nodded in agreement.

He didn't know where to begin. As matter of fact, if he should start the story it should begin the day he first met Arthur who was visiting New York by himself and was in dire need of directions towards an address. Matthew was the first to help him out, during that rainy day - and even let him stay at his apartment during his junior year of college. The two had become immense friends and, well, Arthur didn't seem as busy at that time, and continuously wrote back to him in forms of mail, e-mail or messenger.

"…I guess it started off…on his first trip to New York as a celebrity." The American replied quietly and gazed at his glass of water with intense concentration. All ears perked up around the room, especially Francis, who was eager to hear the man's account rather than Arthur's personal views of his trip to the city.

"I guess…it happened so suddenly, when Arthur wanted to come back to New York to see me. I'm one of the only friends he has outside of England." Matthew murmured while swishing the glass with gentle movement. Every time Matthew moved, Francis seemed to be enchanted.

"…His first trip was solely for the purpose of seeing me…and well….he seemed out of it; exhausted by his profession…so I thought I would take him to my family farm." He sighed and suddenly his violet eyes began to shine with regret or worry. "It was strange, I think it was partly my fault for Arthur's interest and disinterest in New York." He murmured and got a taste of a small piece of his menu.

Antonio remained interested while Romano tried to appear stoic as normal; but in reality his hazel eyes shown fascination in the story.

"My brother…he's sort of the type who isolates himself from the rest of the city, meaning that he doesn't focus too much on the media and fashion these days. He's more of the…old-fashioned type of people" Matthew smiled turning a slight pink as he reminisced on his brother while all the time further interesting his audience. "Well, when I took Arthur into the house, well Alfred and him instantaneously clicked together…" He bit his lower lip as he found Antonio's left eyebrow arch with curiosity.

"By '_clicked'_ what do you mean?" The paparazzi asked, his smile now was gone and a serious expression toppled over onto his tan façade.

"Actually, they seemed to trust each other instantaneously, do you know what I mean?" The American replied showing his pearly whites as he tried to laugh it off. "My brother is open to all kinds of people, but he never really knew who Arthur was…which made Arthur, how do you say? More open to him." He let out a timid grin, and now Francis seemed to be debating whether or not he should intercept this interview?

"Please go on." Antonio encouraged him while taking a swig of his red wine and gazing with intent focus. He was eager to make something out of Matthew's personal account and was itching to write it all down as he took out a notebook and began penning certain information in it. Matthew gazed at it quizzically but remained calm as he continued on with his story.

"I guess, after his first trip Arthur felt quite saddened to have left a place which…seemed to have acknowledged him as a human rather than a famous icon." Matthew looked up as Antonio and Romano consistently gazed at him with a strange expression. "I mean, no offense!" He muttered sticking his hands up with innocence.

"None taken, but continue on please?" Antonio's trademark smile made Romano look away bashfully but to Matthew it only reminded him more of Alfred's usual grin.

"…That's why he took the second trip to New York, even though there were probably reasons his boss gave to the press…Arthur came to see my brother." He replied softly and continued to stare at the white tablecloth.

Francis, at this time thought that the second trip to New York should not be meddled with - and quickly intervened the conversation as he pushed Antonio over and let out a flashy grin towards the American who seemed baffled.

"Nice to meet you!" He stuck his hand out with kind eyes and gazed at the man who stared at him with some sort of strange…lecherous gaze.

"…Um…who are you?" The man referred to as Matthew gazed at him while cocking his head to the side with a soft smile gracing his lips. Although Francis was…also somehow enchanted by another man, unlike Arthur, he would reap the full benefits of it!

"Francis Bonnefoy - ring a bell?" He asked and was completely ignoring Antonio's blinding flashes from his camera. "Excuse me, but can we have a small chat somewhere else?" The Frenchman replied and took Matthew's hand with a gentle grasp. "If you want to know where Arthur Kirkland is, then I have the answer." He winked, all the more encouraging Matthew to follow him.

As the two left the restaurant, Antonio and Romano gazed even more fascinated with Francis' sudden appearance and had begun to concoct a few ideas in their minds.

"I'm quite surprised, Alfred F. Jones' brother would be looking for Arthur, rather than himself." Francis immediately began, making Matthew's eyes widen in shock to hear his brother's full name.

"H-How do you…?"

"I'm one of …if you will…Arthur Kirkland's _friends_." He smirked and held continuously onto Matthew's frail hand. "Now, what I would like to know is…why _are_ you here?" His voice all of a sudden turned from playful to plain serious.


	20. Mini Episode 20: Alfred F Jones

Losing Grace

**By **_**Ryukansen**_

**Mini Episode Twenty: **Alfred F. Jones

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**Author's Note: **I promised myself I wouldn't make _another_ mini episode, but as of late, it's the only sort of chapter I can come up with to further lessen the gap between the main storyline. Anyways, thank you guys for always _**reading and reviewing!**_I guess, this early chapter is a thank you gift for all of your wonderful reviews?

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Alfred F. Jones was a mystery to Francis. He didn't know what he looked like, he didn't know how he acted, he didn't even know whether or not the American could even be trusted after all the stories he heard about him so far. Sometimes the Frenchman even had to remind himself that Arthur's unrequited love existed and yet there was something odd about Alfred F. Jones. Well, to him at least.

"So…care to explain?" He replied as he stared at Matthew with dangerous interest. They were in his apartment - a more than secure place now these days, and he knew that even Antonio and Romano couldn't get information from the outside of his doors.

The young American however was proving to be difficult as he fidgeted in his seat, and gazed at nothing but the velvety carpeting below them. He didn't know how to behave after having been abducted by this French celebrity and he felt more insecure than ever.

Francis sighed, this would take a while, he knew that - but to help Arthur from his woe he had to get at least _something_ from Matthew. Some information about this Alfred F. Jones.

"So…you _just _came here to talk about your brother and Arthur's hidden romance?" He started off receiving a huge glare from the American who was about to protest.

"No! Of course not, I'm here to bring him _back _to New York!" Matthew responded with an equal dissatisfied tone. Heaven forbid, he would never sell his brother and Arthur's story to the newspaper for sheer entertainment. They didn't deserve that. And yet…he knew he was about to, just to get Arthur's attention back. "I would never…" His soft voice was trailing behind as he stared at the wooden surface of the table he was sitting behind.

"Well…then, why don't you explain why _you're _here?" A smile approached Francis' face as he gazed at Matthew with a surprised expression. "After all I am your only ticket to get to where you need." He informed him, encouraging Matthew even more to tell his story.

He didn't know why the Frenchman seemed a little cynical over his brother - but since he _was_ the only person who could automatically hand him over to Arthur, Matthew decided his story was the only way to get to places.

"Where should I start?" He asked, his violet eyes brimming with confidence as he stared at the Frenchman with eagerness and self-assurance. He wouldn't let go of this person, no matter what!

"…Give me a full story of your brother's life." Francis automatically replied without a hint of vacillation making Matthew wince from his determination to find out who his brother was.

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"Alfred, it's time to wake up." Vash sighed as he opened the door to the white room. It was unusually cold when he opened it - the window was opened, and the curtains were softly swaying from the wind. Alfred was curled up in a fetal position with his eyes tightly shut, but Vash knew the young man was awake nevertheless.

With long strides, Vash quickly shook Alfred up - too disappointed at the man's current behavior to speak anymore words. Instead, when Alfred's light blue eyes stared at him with exhaustion - Vash pointed down, signifying that _dinner _was ready.

Alfred got up momentarily, before sitting back down on his bed - massaging his eyes from the lack of sleep. Vash had already left, grunting with annoyance, leaving him all to himself to contemplate on his pathetic behavior.

He didn't know what effect Arthur had on him, until the said Briton left cursing him all the while and chanting religiously that he would "go to hell." And now, he knew exactly what Arthur had done to him.

He was sick, and couldn't recover. Arthur made him weak, made him angry at himself, made him pathetic and defensive with everyone around him.

And he knew deep down he had to forget about that pompous, arrogant British idol. He had a family to take care of…friends to be with…

And yet…even so…his heart was still aching.

Sighing, the blonde rustled his hair - disheveling it a little more, while taking out a container of Tylenol. He was having terrible migraines lately, and he constantly found himself swallowing the pills with ease and thoughtlessness.

Heaving himself off the bed, the American went downstairs to find Liechtenstein and Vash quietly eating the meals they had prepared.

"Ah, you're up!" His fiancée murmured with a small smile gracing her lips as she stood up and walked towards him to seat him down. He sat and tried forcing a grin, but for some reason he couldn't.

"I made your favorite dishes!" Liechtenstein replied spooning Alfred loads of food while trying to seem merry. Vash on the other hand was just eying Alfred with his own thoughts before shutting his eyes to eat in peace.

Ever since Arthur had left, this was how life went on.

Vash would be the one tending to the animals and crops while Liechtenstein would do the domestic chores with a hard determination. Alfred…he on the other hand...he was a complete burden, he knew it himself.

The two were both working so hard on the farm, and to take care of him - and he had done nothing for them. Nothing at all.

He was stupid and selfish! How could he? And yet…he found himself with no energy to continue on.

The days always ended with silence, after Arthur had left.

The days always ended with silence.

Or maybe…it has _always _been silent?

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After Alfred's whole life story was told, Francis could easily understand how Arthur would fall for such a man. This Alfred F. Jones was charming, kind, selfless and sensitive from what he heard from Matthew's tale. And yet there was something that irritated him. Something that Alfred F. Jones did or _was _that made Francis loathe him.

Here Alfred was. Charming, always kind to everyone around him, always doing things for people despite of his own condition - and he even had a rare sensitivity found in men. To many, Alfred was an ideal person. A person that should be put on a pedestal for all people to admire…and yet. There was one characteristic Alfred F. Jones, lacked which made Francis gag in disappointment.

Matthew watched silently at Francis who seemed bothered by the story. The rough man was contemplating something while stroking his chin with a sight of disgust.

"…Your brother," He muttered while staring at Matthew's wide, violet eyes. His eyes narrowed as he gazed at him with a dodgy glare. "He lacks confidence." The Frenchman murmured gently, but his voice was nonetheless harsh in tone.

"E-excuse me?" The American asked, feeling offended at Francis' insight no matter how true it may appear.

"Alfred, is how do you say? He runs with his tail between his legs. He has no backbone." The Frenchman continued with insulting the man while frowning tightly at Matthew who seemed furious.

"Of course. A person like you, would never understand…a person like my brother." He whispered darkly, hiding his eyes away with the length of his blonde bangs. Francis sighed, as if the child did not understand him.

"Think about it, will you please?" He replied solemnly. "What does Alfred run away from? After Arthur left him, he still could have easily gotten him back! And yet." Francis pointed at Matthew with a visible fury. "Instead of him, you have come to change what Alfred thinks is the _inevitable_." He mumbled, lazily and took a sip of the fresh wine he had just poured into his goblet.

"He is a coward Matthew, and as a friend of Arthur's," Francis took a moment to pause and think of words to relieve the American sitting before him. "As a friend of Arthur's, I do not…see Alfred fit for him."He muttered averted his gaze at the chandelier.

There was a dark silence that impregnated the room, and Matthew was left speechless at what Francis had said.

Matthew's velvet eyes, however innocent they had appeared, suddenly narrowed with his eyebrows furrowed in as he gazed angrily at the Frenchman who spoke of his brother like he knew him himself.

"You…" The American murmured softly despite his appearance, "You try living a life…in a society, in a world, that you will never understand." He whispered, holding onto his cup of wine with a strong grasp.

"Mathieu, Mathieu, Mathieu…" Francis sighed in a French accent as if the American was joking around with him. "The world will always baffle people! The world will always be a mystery to everyone." He replied in an adult-like manner, but Matthew wasn't having any of it.

"I don't think you understand." The American retorted back with an equal tone of annoyance. "Despite the story's I have told you about of my brother, I don't think you will understand Alfred well if you weren't with him all your life." And with a sudden gulp of the wine, Matthew carefully placed his empty goblet down the table with an upset look shining in his eyes.

"Well then, if I am wrong…please continue." The Frenchman rolled his eyes while pouring more of his white wine into their glasses.

Matthew stared at the alcohol for a while, before deciding whether or not to tell…of the other side of Alfred F. Jones.


	21. Disgusting Smile

**Losing Grace**

By Ryukansen

**Chapter Twenty One: **Disgusting Smile

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**Author's Notes: **Sorry this chapter took some time. It was writer's block, or I guess, it was also the difficulty of writing this chapter since I wasn't planning to do "the other side" of Alfred F. Jones. It's complicated, and my brain hurts because of trying to think of the perfect scenarios. Unfortunately, this is what I came about. But I hope you guys like this one~ Like always, please **read & review**!

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"_Mattie, it's okay…forgive and forget, right?" _

"Eight years ago." The blonde whispered softly as he grazed his frail fingers against his plump, pink lips. "It's only a few words…but in it, those words constitute many troubled memories."

The American was reduced to silence as he took a goblet of Francis' fine wine- drinking it to the last while leaving no sign of nausea or vertigo. He bit his lower lip and lolled his head downwards, letting his bangs fall graciously across his lavender eyes. His hands softly clutched onto the edge of the mahogany table nearly scratching the surface from an invisible pain. The Frenchman was only left to silence.

"When you are down…what do you do Francis?" Matthew asked on a first-name basis while gazing at him with trembling lips. His words were warm but hid a dark, uneasy feeling behind them all. "Would you get sad like everyone else? How would you get rid of it? When do you start feeling better?" The words suddenly get heavy and filled with meaning but Francis' has no response.

"Alfred…" He began while staring hard into Francis' lavender pools, "Alfred…when he gets sad he _dies _a little inside…" Matthew murmured. "But he, secretly, keeps it to himself."

"_Hey…don't look at me like that." The boy whispered gently. Matthew stared at Alfred who was sitting on top of a stone and gazing out at the far west of their fields. A smile was curled up onto his face, albeit it was fragile from what Matthew could tell. "It's alright…I was made this way, Mattie…I'm fine." He murmured with a hoarse and disbelieving tone. The other child continued to gaze at him as he walked up to sit next to his brother._

_That smile. It was haunting. It always scared Matthew, because beneath it lay a new emotion he could not understand._

"_Alfred…if you want, you can always ignore them." Matthew remarked sheepishly and held onto his brother's hand with a hint of support. Alfred continued to smile again; his blue eyes shining with so much happiness and yet a strange aloof depression lingered behind them. "Those people - they don't know anything about you! How could they treat you so differently?" His heart was aching whenever their eyes locked - and somehow it was easy for him to get depressed as well._

"_It's already done Mattie…I was made this way…whatever they say about me may be true…but it's always up to me to accept it or not!" His brother replied confidently while squeezing his hand a little stronger. "Besides…whether or not they think I am a freak of nature, means nothing to me." He added and shifted his blue pools towards the horizon where the sun was setting._

"…_Alfred…can you honestly shrug it all off?" Matthew went with rage, his brother blinked back what could have been tears, and only let out a feigned smile (again) across his face. "For heaven's sake Alfred, they think you're an abomination!" He shouted, pointing at the freakishly pale and thin child._

_His brother's face; however, continued to smile nevertheless._

_Matthew hated that smile. It was beautiful and disgusting at the same time. It held so many meanings, and yet it always made Matthew's blood boil…_

_Alfred F. Jones was a meek twelve year old at this time. He was born with a strange disease, and at this moment the doctors couldn't even identify what was causing his body to develop so poorly. _

_He had beautiful golden wheat hair, unusually bright and healthy with a matching pair of innocent, sky blue eyes that were intense and naturally glowing. And yet, they were always ignored when one would stare at his underweight figure and strangely white pasted skin._

_He was long limbed, uncharacteristically thin and white as paper. _

_And because of his appearance, adults tended to treat him differently - not as harsh as the children, but they would treat him like a flower. With great…feigning care. They were no gardeners. The children however; __**they **__spoke their minds._

_Matthew remembered how a small child, three years younger than them both, mockingly destroyed his brother's pride and hope by calling him foul names .His favorite seemed to be "abomination" and other's concerned more drastic and devilish terms that Matthew found his heart shaking. Alfred however, accepted those names openly, but inwardly he was crying. He could tell himself._

_He was his __**brother**__._

"_They called you the 'Devil's Creation', for goodness sakes, Al!" Matthew cried as he took his brother from the collar and gritted his teeth - trying to make a statement all the while with his intimidation. "They hate you Alfred, they loathe you, they think you're queer!" He continued on, unknowingly showing his tears as he bit his lower lip in confusion._

"…_Matthew it's alright…I am what I am." Alfred whispered gently as he took his brother into his arms and sighed painfully. Matthew remembered how he could hear his heart, beat slowly in a tormenting pound._

_That day, Matthew felt something small and wet slide down on his mop of hair and yet that smile was still there. He closed his eyes too, holding ever so more tightly onto his sibling._

"_I am…what I am…"_

"Alfred…when he's sad, he keeps it all to himself." Matthew repeated while staring into Francis' widened eyes. "Is he really a coward?" He cried and looked him in the eyes with fresh tears ready to whip out any second.

"He accepted that he was a freak of nature, and to who?! People who don't care! Ignorant people…" Matthew replied trying to calm himself down as he held onto his position in a strict composure.

"That is because he is a coward, who can't stand up for himself." Francis corrected through grinding teeth. "He can't stand up for himself. He is nothing but a dog." He replied nonchalantly and began to pick up his cutlery to clean.

"No, Mr. Bonnefoy…" Matthew murmured through clenched teeth, "My definition of courage is not standing up for oneself…that is too common of a definition." He scoffed while staring at the silvery goblet in his hands. "This courage, I'm speaking about is different." He whispered. "My definition of courage, is the will to live despite everything you are."

Francis halted in his steps in the middle of the kitchen. He says nothing, but keeps Matthew's reply in mind.

Continuing to stare at his empty glass, the young American smiled bitterly while remembering more of Alfred's courageous and pathetic moments.

"And if he wanted to get rid of the sadness…he would be so much more terrible to himself than the children who constantly pestered him." Matthew replied with a smile that was reduced to a bitter frown. His index finger silently traced against the edge of the cup; smearing the goblet with a stain of wine.

Francis sat back down, staring absentmindedly at the young man in front of him. He seemed so sad. So very depressed the way he spoke, the way his eyes shined at every memory and the way his figure seemed to look exhausted over remembering everything.

"_Matthew, it's alright, everything is fine." Alfred muttered quietly while staring at his reflection in a muddy pool below their galoshes. _

_It was winter time, and yet the sun still shone ever brightly - melting the morning snow with relative ease. The two were walking back home after buying a few supplies from the nearby market, and happened to come across a huge puddle that separated them from the other side of the pebble path._

"_What do you mean everything is fine?" The younger twin asked with vile, obviously irritated at his brother's previous action. "Mother and Father…if they knew what you did, you would be in trouble." He replied flatly, glaring at the older sibling who seemed to be the most childish of the two._

"_I didn't think it mattered." He responded automatically, still gazing at his reflection._

_The two then begun to stare at one another with empty gazes. Matthew's hand suddenly, instinctively cups Alfred's cheeks as he leans towards his brother with a sad expression written all over his eyes._

"_Of course it matters, Alfred…unlike them, our parents, _they care._" The young one whispered, his lips kissing the left side of his brother's face._

_The two remained quietly beside each other's side, while holding one another's hands. They skipped into the puddle, smiling silently, but with aching hearts._

_During this time, Alfred had gained substantial weight and muscles. His body was slowly developing; showing good signs to his parents who seemed cheerful over his sudden growth; however, he was still not good enough to his neighbors and classmates who still meddled into his business and joked him around._

_Today for example, Matthew remembered how they had made fun of his brother who was the tallest in the class. In fact, the second tallest was two feet less than him! But, he was not as freakishly thin as two years prior to entering the school; however, his appearance was still long-limbed, thin and fragile to everyone in the small community._

_A boy, today, had caused extremely bad luck for Alfred. He remembered how everyone in the school gazed at his brother with mocking gazes._

"_Isn't he your brother?" One girl asked him once. "Aren't you supposed to _look_ alike?" She smirked while skipping away with her friends to the nearest restroom in order to run away from his stoic gaze and possible outburst._

_He remained silent the whole day, ashamed for his behavior. Too ashamed that he couldn't help Alfred out in the least bit._

_But it was his brother who remained tall, unflinching, and unwavering. And still holding that disgusting smile.._

"_Mattie, if they make fun of you…come, run to me." The boy whispered quietly as they sat in the children's playground, ever more, holding tightly onto each other's hands. "It's not right if you're pulled into…my business." He replied, ruffling his brother's hair with a small smile._

"_But Alfred…I'm your brother, I can withstand their teases!" He tried to assure the other one, but his voice was so weak. So frail, it was easily shrugged off by Alfred who wasn't at least convinced in his words._

"_Everything's fine. Mattie, I'll help you."He whispered, as if Matthew was the one with the problems._

_They arrived home that day, and were changing their snow outfits into comfortable shirts and jeans. The two huddled closely to one another as they began to watch television despite their parents calls of dinner being already prepared._

_Matthew remembered Alfred's gaze, how much it seemed to differ from that of his usual. He seemed empty, aloof, and Matthew remembered how scared he was to leave him even for a fraction of a second._

"_You two, come downstairs, it's dinner time!" Their mom replied from the first floor; obviously irritated at her two sons. They eventually came downstairs in awkward silence._

_When dinner and chores were done. Matthew recalled how Alfred went to bed early. He, also went to bed quite early due to his stomachache he had developed from eating, too little - making both their parents confused and concerned._

_Midnight arose, and he had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. The younger American twin decided to see what was going on and slightly opened the door to his brother's room for comfort._

_It was dark. Pitch black, unlike the pristine, flawless white that always was mentioned because of the room's strange brightness._

_The window was open, and the moonlight gently subsided on the edge of Alfred's bedpost. A figure was hunched in the corner of the room as light slowly flooded his sight. _

"_A-Alfred?" Matthew called out, walking over to the figure with hesitation._

_It was when the moon shined, he stopped to find his brother staring at him helplessly._

"_Shouldn't you be asleep, Mattie?" He asked with a fragile smile curling up on his pale face. _

_Alfred looked beautiful in his white nightgown, but beneath all the pure white. Matthew could see what was under the fabric._

"_What are you doing?" He asked, diving towards his brother who seemed uncharacteristically careful with his left arm. "Show it to me!" The younger twin hissed, while the older one pulled his arm farther away._

_It was about a minute later, Matthew took his arm and uncovered it from the white wrappings only discovering a gash across his pallid skin._

"_W-What is this?" The young one cried gazing at his brother with horror. Alfred quickly gathered his arm back into his chest, and looked at his brother with that same fragile smile._

"_It's my salvation." He replied, weakly._

"_For what?" Matthew sobbed hysterically, clutching onto his brother's free arm which was oddly limp._

"_It's the only other thing I would want to feel besides all the bad emotions, Mattie." The boy whispered, gazing at him with unwavering eyes._

"_If I feel this pain…I can forget all they have said. I can forget everything." He replied with that __**disgusting**__ smile. "And best of all…it's what I owe you…for shaming you." He whispered._

_His heart curled up in anguish, and his nails dug into his brother's flesh as he gazed up at him with terror. __**"**__But what about me?" His brother cried while holding onto his arm gently and sobbing. "What about me? What do I feel?" He asked, holding onto Alfred who seemed puzzled - but kept that smile on his face._

"…_You?" He whispered gently and took his brother into his arms. "You can just be…happy." He replied and snuggled himself against his brother. _

For some reason, Alfred's thoughts was very disturbing especially to Francis. But to Matthew, those thoughts were personal and comforting, and just…Alfred.

"You mean to tell me, your brother would punish himself for doing _nothing_?" Francis asked while gazing at the man who seemed to dream about the past albeit his expression seemed to be that of horror.

"Yes." The American muttered quietly. "That is his character."

Matthew was fidgeting in his seat while playing with his thumbs. "He may be a coward to you…but he is the most bravest person I know." He replied sweetly. "Despite his perverse thoughts…he is…the bravest person out of all of us in t his weird connection." The man confirmed.

"His character is disturbing." Francis muttered, all the more unconvinced for Arthur to be with Alfred.

Although…there was something to be respected about the said man.

Alfred was undeniably…pure and heartwarming.

And in this imperfect world…this chaotic world. Who was better for an exhausted celebrity, but a pure…person?

Francis smiled softly as he gazed at Matthew who was ranting on about his brother in admiration. "I understand." He whispered softly, his eyes gazing at the lavender pools of the American who stared at him for some time. "Even though your brother…may have a twisted definition of courage…" He inhaled, "He is still the only one."

Matthew closed his eyes in relief as Francis gently touched the side of his cheek.

They remained like that for one moment.

"…_Be happy…that's all I want you to ever be." Alfred whispered as he clutched onto Matthew who had fallen asleep. "I want you to be everything, that I can't be. Everything that I will never be…" He sighed and rest his head against the wall paneling._

"…_Should I find happiness…Mattie, I hope you find it first." _

'Alfred.' Matthew whispered to himself as he fluttered his eyes open to see lavender eyes watching him. '…I have always found happiness…with you.'

'Maybe to you, I was asleep…but in reality…I was awake…happily with you…despite your choices.'

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"Bloody hell!" Arthur shouted as he dove out of his bed and into his closet, looking for something clean and sheen to wear. He was late, and he knew that he would end up with more than glares from Roderich, Seychelles and Francis. But he had such a horrible nightmare…

He shook his head, trying to remind himself that there was a last interview to do to confirm things.

Standing in front of the mirror, the British celebrity adjusted his tie and smiled awkwardly as he gazed at his perfect self in the cracked mirror.

"It's my time to shine." He whispered solemnly. "It's my time to shine."


	22. Leaving of the Bitter Taste

Losing Grace

**By **_**Ryukansen**_

**Chapter Twenty Two: **Leaving of the Bitter Taste

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**Author's Note: **Alright, it's, I believe the 3rd to last chapter and I'm getting ready to tie up the connections with everyone. Hopefully, you guys are still interested to read the end…However, in order to make my story connect a little more, I will include a mini episode once again. So sorry!!! _**Read & Review please! **_And when I mean "Mini-Episode" it really will be short. :o Stay tuned!

**-------------------------------------**

He woke up startled, and found himself back in the interview chair with Francis. A whole group of people are surrounding the celebrities as the audience patiently but eagerly await for news on brand new dramas, host shows, movies, and of course, _his _personal life and future plans.

The whole area is pitch black save for the lime green rays hovering every now and then over the audience and the normal fluorescent lights that float above his head to illuminate his presence.

"Alright, _Bienvenue!" _Francis smiled cheerfully introducing the crowd once more to the famous Arthur Kirkland. A band is softly playing elegant music in the background and the cheers suddenly get stronger. He can't hear anything as the masses of women chant his name with enthusiasm and sometimes Francis' , if he concentrated hard enough to listen. "Alright, alright - sit down!" The Frenchman chuckled as he grazed his gruff beard against his sweating palms. Arthur remained silent the whole time.

"Today, as you all know it is a special day for Mr. Kirkland, aren't I right?" Francis smirked while Arthur scowled. There were giggles all over the auditorium that made him turn red with embarrassment and humiliation, but all the while he managed to contain his feelings deep in his heart. "But…why don't we wait for his news until the end of the show, _oui_?" The host replied seductively and winked at one of the guests who nearly rolled their eyes to the heavens and fainted. Some guests groaned anticipating for Arthur's proclamation.

"Will you just get on with it!" Arthur hissed, glaring at him all the while feigning a smile as he waved at the women who were taking photos of him. Francis frowned sullenly, but kept his composure as he began to converse with the British celebrity animatedly.

"So, we have all heard about your upcoming movie with the most astounding cast ever! So without further ado, please let's welcome, Natalia Alfroskaya, Heracles Karpusi, Sadiq Annan and the director and co-director, Tino Vainamoinen and Berwald Oxtenstierna!" He cheered loudly and the whole room erupted with squawks and shouts of enjoyment. Arthur furrowed his brows in silent concern as his team members suddenly got on the stage and took their respective seats around him.

"Nice to see you all!" The Frenchman smiled warmly at the cast who seemed rather unfamiliar with the whole setting. Natalia was quietly combing her silvery hair with her frail fingers and both Heracles and Sadiq were silently insulting one another with mockery and dirty jokes. Arthur sighed as the director and co-director remained ever so silent, ignoring the inattentive actors who were ignoring the crowd.

"So, Arthur - let's get this straight! I have heard that Tino and Berwald have automatically called you to play the evil villain of the story - is that true?" Francis replied suddenly, and Arthur only simply nodded. Tino and Berwald turned to each other and smiled bashfully…well, at least Tino did.

"Mr. Vainamoinen; or Tino, can you explain to us why you chose Kirkland?" The host asked dreamily as he gazed at the shy, small man fidgeting in his stool.

"W-well, we both found it appropriate since our villain is supposed to be calm, collected, cool and handsome." He replied turning bright red. Arthur flushed as well knowing that his character would be some gentleman. Francis only nodded with acknowledgement but shoved his response aside and asked a new question all of a sudden.

"I heard there is a kiss scene between Arthur and Mrs. Alfroskaya, is that true?" He continued and Arthur almost wanted to vomit. It was not that Natalia was hideous or anything. She was actually quite beautiful - almost as beautiful as Roderich's wife, the actress and painter - Elizaveta Hedervary! But he found her not too enticing - after all, he had Seychelles…

"Well, so far there are a couple of kissing scenes and Arthur is somewhat of a player so he gets to kiss more than one person!" Tino replied blushing even more, and the fans are starting to grow crazy just waiting for the movie to come.

"Hahahaha, you're movie does sound interesting. I'd like to see it first once your done!" Francis winked and curled his fingers together as he scanned through the crowd.

In the middle of the crowd sat Matthew who stared calmly at the bored Briton next to Francis. His lavender eyes stood focus as he gazed at the man who had stolen his brother's heart - and for further proof of Alfred's love, his life. Francis only sighed as he gazed at the American who remained silent oblivious to the girls' screaming antics.

"Let's see. So, can you please - all explain your characters to the audience?" He read aloud from his clipboard and each actor stood up except Arthur who gazed dumbly at the floor.

Natalia was the first to go, and she stood with an air of dignity. Her head was perfectly poise including her frame as she stood straight, military-style. "I play the lover of Kirkland's character and my basic motive in the story is to get him back without revealing who I really am." She clearly announced. Her explanation of her character was vague, but it held promise as each eyes gazed at her with wonder and admiration. The movie seemed exciting.

"Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Heracles." The other started. He had brown tussled hair and held onto his dark sweater with delicacy. His face was flushing with pink tints but he showed no other emotion but disinterest. "My character is the younger brother of Kirkland's character, and basically we were separated from birth and have no idea of each other's existence." He went on. "My character is the main." He smiled slightly, only to get an irritating grunt from Sadiq.

Heracles and Sadiq seemed to stare at one another with a mutual hatred, but once the Grecian sat down, the other man got up quickly with an aura of confidence.

"My name is Sadiq and I play the devil's advocate between Kirkland and Karpusi's characters." He muttered all of a suddenly, but he seemed to get shy easily and sat down immediately without further information. Heracles seemed to smirk, and all of a sudden the two got back in another argument.

Arthur also suspected it was that strange stare Berwald gave Sadiq after he had all of a sudden seemed like he were to grab the whole crowd's attention and tell the whole story. Arthur didn't stand up. Everyone knew who _his_ character was.

"So, Mr. Oxtenstierna and Vainamoinen can you explain to me your inspiration? What made you make this movie?" Francis drawled on, and was getting bored of the whole movie interview. He was more excited about the upcoming audience interview where the guests could question Arthur and receive instant replies.

"Well, our inspiration was unrequited love that bloomed to true love." Tino whispered while gazing at the floor with a fragile smile. "These days its hard to find someone who can truly love you without hurting you…and well…Berwald and I, our inspiration blossomed from an earlier experience we had during our childhood years." He continued to smile. But all the while his explanation was digging into Arthur's heart even more.

"In the end, the only thing I want my movie to convey is that love doesn't exist without hurt and that one needs to ignore that painful existence and continue on with their dreams. Not their ordinary lives." He finished and Berwald nodded in compliance.

"What do you mean continue with their besides ordinary life?" Francis asked all of a sudden getting an idea as he spots Arthur looking even more in guilt after that explanation.

"Well, you see….often after someone's heart gets ruined Berwald and I have realized from a helpful source of data that many people tend to just…simply give up with what they had with that person." He laughed. "It's true though! How many times do you see a girl wanting to smile after a breakup? She takes so long to recover…and most often, the ones who's hearts get broken are the ones who just don't want anymore of that life." He ended the sentence as Arthur began to wipe things from his eyes.

"The importance of that message is that even though the person you loved hurt you…doesn't mean the dreams you had with that person should end… I think I may be confusing you people, but…hopefully you'll understand once you watch the movie." The young Finnish man laughed it off, and seemed to have gotten himself out of the pit he was digging.

"Are you alright Mr. Kirkland?" Berwald asked as he was the one sitting closest to him. The audience gazed at him.

"Y-Yes, carry on." He spat bashfully while grabbing a tissue from Francis' desk and blowing his nose gently.

The whole audience went silent.

"Well - thank you for your interviews! Everyone, give it up to the cast of _Break Heart_!" Francis replied, standing up and raising his hands as the cast stood up and made their exits to the left of the stage.

A screen suddenly pops up signifying an intermission and one by one the guests leave to take bathroom breaks while the crewmen and Francis begin to decide what to do next.

Meanwhile Arthur sat gravely in his seat, staring at the hardwood flooring below him. Kiku, in concern for his celebrity, walked towards him offering him a pack of Kleenex. "Are you alright, Arthur-san?" His manager whispered as he found his eyes to be red and swollen after vehemently crying and rubbing his eyes.

"I-I'm fine." He sputtered and sniffed, while putting the tissue into a waste basket near Francis' desk.

"If you want to quit now, you can quit now." Kiku advised finding the poor Briton in no state to continue on with his announcement of his and Seychelles private wedding.

"No, Roderich wants me to finish this soon. So I'll continue." He inhaled with reassurance, and appreciatively took the cup of green tea from Kiku's hands.

"Very well, Arthur-san." The young man sighed and brushed his raven locks from the side of his head with annoyance.

At the meantime Matthew stood near the entrance of the door recollecting the scene with Arthur slowly sobbing quietly to himself. A small smile graces his lips as he begins to think of the hope between him and his brother.

The intermission ends, and the guests start piling up again. Matthew secretly wanders throughout the crowd in order to evade Arthur's eye contact. Fortunately, the Briton did not see the young man as of yet.

"Thank you guys, welcome again everyone!" Francis sat back down with a cup of coffee in his hands as he quickly wipes his mouth from the drink's stains.

"Alright, I know you guys are worn of excitement but let's just go and introduce, the Diva Seychelles!"

Confetti start falling, and Arthur whips his head to turn around and find his Fiancée wearing a beautiful dress and smile across her face. Matthew is quiet all of a sudden once setting his eyes on her. Francis is rather dark as well when the young woman and he make eye contact.

"Nice to see you all!" The tanned superstar replied while taking a close seat next to her future husband.

Matthew is mortified as she and Arthur smile and laugh together. Her hand is on his thigh and he is rubbing her shoulders like a spouse would, affectionately. Francis seems a bit irritated and scans through the crowd to look at Matthew with peace.

"Alright you two! I hope you know how this part of my show works!" The Frenchman grumbled with annoyance but was trying to sound very sanguine. Arthur ignored him and nodded, thankful that Seychelles was next to him to comfort him.

Kiku was all of the sudden quiet, closing his eyes as if he were in prayer.

"Alright so the audience gets to ask you _lovebirds_, questions. And you will all both do well to respect each other, non?" He smiled wittily at the audience and celebrities who both feigned their laughs. Matthew had a tight frown across his face.

"Alright, so let us begin!"

In all of Arthur's life he had never experienced such annoying questions suddenly bloom up on him. The paparazzo's questions were at least serious and understandable but his fans asked him all of the silliest questions he had never thought of. Like did he actually like peanut butter? And what religion he was? Did he actually hate cats? All of the questions were ridiculous and he found his blood boiling.

It was until one hand rose up, and a young woman with brown hair, tight in a bun, gazed at him serenely. "I have heard from amongst some paparazzi that you are gay." She replied all of a sudden and the crowd stares at her as if she were crazy, but looks back at him pleadingly in the eye for some sort of confirmation that he was a normal man.

"No. I am not." Arthur replied, taken a back from the question. But his response was made so quickly some people begun to whisper and question him right in front of him. This made his blood boil even more. Seychelles remained quiet.

"I heard from the leading photographer, Gilbert Weillschmidt and his pupil, the now famous, Antonio Carriedo, that you were spending most of your time in New York with another man." She added with a smug look on her face. Arthur is now baffled as his feelings start to arise from his heart. _How did…?_ "As everyone knows Gilbert Weillschmidt works for '_The World's Top' _magazine and Mr. Antonio Carriedo for _'Upcoming Entertainment_' and so I was wondering…if this was all true. They're both famous experts, so I should see that they aren't lying…but I just want to confirm it." She whispered while gazing at him in a serious look.

The guests gaze at him with the same stare and he is suddenly pushed to the back in fright.

"I-I…I am certainly, I promise you, not--"

A hand suddenly raises, and he gazes at someone he had never thought to see at this time.

Matthew.

Matthew gazed at him solemnly with deadpan eyes and a flushed out face, right in the middle of the crowd.

Francis stares at him with a small nod, and Arthur stares at the young American as if he had seen a ghost.

"Arthur?" He asked without addressing him formally. The audience whips their head to turn towards him. "When will you come back to see my brother?" He replies, and the woman who had asked the previous question stares at him in quiet disbelief. "As you know…ever since you left, my brother…he has been…his health has slowly been deteriorating." The American replied. With his accent, everyone in the audience knew what had been going on in New York.

"W-What are you talking about?" Arthur scoffed with a fragile laugh coming from his trembling lips. "Please, you must be confusing me with some other daft person!" He responded and looked away, his face flushing.

"Arthur, I know you don't want to have anything to do with Alfred." Matthew stared towards him with a soft determination. "But…he really needs you, Arthur. He loves you." He replied and the audience grew cold.

"Sweetie, what is this about?" Seychelles asked as she braced his arm with a gentle touch. One by one, visitors start leaving - too disgusted with Arthur for being what he was. A Homosexual. Some visitors stood strongly supporting his homosexuality, but most left in complete distraught and disbelief. The woman who had questioned him and ruined the interview, ultimately, kept still with her camera in her hands.

_Click_! One shot for the local _Women's _magazine.

"It's nothing!" He retorted, still in complete denial.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Roderich shouted, getting off from his platform and shouting at both Matthew and the woman gazing at him stoically.

The crowd, which was only but twenty out of hundreds, of people, stared at him with confusion.

A soft giggle came from the woman who had revealed Arthur's dark secret.

"Darling, I hardly think you should be shouting at me!" The woman muttered, and revealed herself as none other than Elizaveta Hedervary. Roderich gazed, too shocked to see his wife.

"W-What are _you _doing here?" He asked in disbelief.

"I had to help someone." She smiled and winked at Francis and Matthew who gazed at Arthur in the corner of the stadium. She then suddenly took a screen cap of the two and smiled cutely. "As you know, Roderich - I'm not into these interviews." She muttered quietly, but she was elegant despite her crude personality. "You know how I hate how you force these things on your actors." She sighed, while circling her finger around the edge of his chest and smiling.

"Dear, this is not for you to…" His eyes widened, as the stage doors open suddenly revealing a flood of paparazzi and cameramen who were now taking snaps of a humiliated Arthur.

"We'll handle this." Elizaveta responded gravely, and marched towards the first cameraperson who had reached the stage. It was a man with silver hair, red glowing pupils, and a big smug grin. And _whack_! He fell, making the other cameramen back out of the stage quietly. She then made Rodrich's attention on her, allowing the other actors to reconcile with one another.

Seychelles was distraught, and too shook up to say anything, but Francis and Matthew would have their way with Arthur.

"It's been two months, you damned Yankee!" Arthur shouted, tears running down his eyes. "What the hell have I done? I wanted to forget and you come all the way here and ruin my life!" He screeched, throwing the nearest thing (a lamp) at the two, but both men quickly evaded the throw.

"Arthur, Alfred needs you." Matthew went on, but he would have none of it. How could he? Kiku suddenly got out of the stadium, standing around with the other males at the pathetic British Celebrity in front of them.

"Just leave me alone!" The Briton cried, and was ready to march off the stage. "I have never loved that git! So go away!" He was about to head down the exit until Matthew called out to him.

"Arthur - he's slowly dying!" His words echoed and hit him like a bullet through his glass heart. "He's slowly killing himself…" Matthew repeated more softly, as the Briton stood in his place gazing wide-eyed at the American in front of him.

"And why should I care?" He stammered, gazing back at the man with a heartbroken face. "Why should _I care?_" His voice cracked, and Matthew came towards him with a small smile creeping up his face.

"Because you love him." He replied finally, and snuggled his head against Arthur's.

"You…."

"Arthur…please, come back….Alfred misses you." Matthew whispered, and clung onto the British celebrity who was pounded with a heavy weight.

It was as if his world was torturing him again.

_He's slowly dying? Was it his fault?_ Arthur's eyes began to tear up, but he closed them tightly as he held onto Matthew with all of his strength. _It was his fault, wasn't it?_ He let out a soft sob, and choked out Alfred's name.

He was so weak to keep his determination with marrying Seychelles. He was so weak whenever Alfred's name was ever mentioned to him. His knees buckled, and he felt like vomiting; he felt so horrible.

Tears trickled down his face and into the crack of his lips. He tasted the most bitter of fluids; salty and vile.

"Do you want to see him, now?" Both Matthew and Francis eyed him with patient looks. "Do you want to see Alfred, again?" Was the soft question.

"Yes." He choked immediately, crying, but trying to wipe his tears away. "Yes, I want to see him again."

He wanted so badly to get rid of this bitter taste… He wanted to taste the sweet perfection he had savored in Alfred's mouth. He wanted to remember all of that.

"I want to see him again." He repeated.

At the meantime Seychelles sat on her stool, not knowing what to say. She couldn't say she was happy for the man, but she also couldn't say she was angry.

And yet…there was something heavily aching in her heart due to Arthur's recklessness in his New York fantasy, and she bit her lower lip to prevent herself from crying.

"There, there." Kiku whispered, combing her raven locks with his white, smooth fingers. She was trembling, but she could not cry. She was angry, and yet she was also sad. "We did not mean to hide this from you." Arthur's manager replied gently, and gave her an embrace.

Francis at the meantime was a bit in a hurry and definitely impatient; especially with Arthur's hands all over Matthew.

"Shall we get going, then?" The Frenchman replied, exhausted from the heightened intensity in the atmosphere. Arthur and Matthew stared at him quizzically before he took out tickets back to New York. "Plane leaves in an hour." He muttered.


	23. Mini Episode 23: Vash Zwingli

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Mini Episode Twenty Three: **Vash Zwingli

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**Author's Note: **The shortest chapter in the whole series, and yet, I think this chapter is one of the most important. A quick update thanks to those who reviewed! Chapter Twenty Four will be up soon! Thanks everyone, and please _**Read & Review**_ this particular chapter!

**----------------------------------**

He could remember the day he bought his first rifle. How it fit perfectly into his palm, and how it seemed so _right_ to hold.

He remembered his first kill, and his first fail - and how each hunt he partook was equally important.

Vash stares at the blue sky fading into an orange sun was rising from the farthest corner of the forest away from the quiet farm. Snow was melting, and the beginning of Spring was ready to ensue.

The honey colored fields were slowly warming up again despite the frosty ends some glades of grass still possessed. The morning air was chilled with nothing but the bright blue sky and snow-colored clouds. Birds were already beginning to come back and sing while insects finally remade their pesky appearance.

Vash could see the dangling rays of light shine through the frail branches of the copse he had been walking through. It was the end of Winter, and he had successfully tracked a family of deer frolicking near their meadows.

The family was a happy group; always peaceful and jovially playing with one another through the thick glades of grass. The huge buck and doe were grazing by one another besides a crystal lake and their two fawns were licking each other while prancing about somewhere around him.

He lifted his gun into position, and locked onto the nearest victim. He eyed it for a while, making sure, that it wouldn't move when he was to shoot. The victim would be a fawn-turning buck. It's antlers were growing, and it seemed strong and healthy.

Too bad its time was to end.

He stared at the thing with a malicious glint amongst his dull-shaded eyes. He blinks several times to study it's movement, and thinks on what to do after capturing it.

Normally during Winter, he would refrain from hunting the animals near the copse, but…Honestly, it wasn't his fault. Rations were dropping because of Winter, and because of that dolt, _Alfred_, their harvesting was unlucky.

All was silent, and the deer begin to pick up their senses.

He shifts himself to a comfortable position. And looks back into the eyehole where he sees the young buck turning it's ears in quick alert.

He pulls the trigger without hesitation, and the other deer flee.

Getting up from his position, Vash walks over to the deer who had accepted it's fate. It was very much alive, but still injured, too injured to even move. The bullet went straight into it's neck - but there was still some life in the poor buck.

Vash looks at it sympathetically, and points his rifle back at the poor creature.

He pulls the trigger once more, and gazes at it.

It is now dead.

Lacing up his winter boots and tightening his overcoat, he dragged the animal's corpse amongst the snowy trail and followed his way up towards the farm where his sister was awaiting for him to cook his hunt.

It had been a fairly awkward season, especially with Alfred's sudden depression. And Liechtenstein and him have had their fair share of taking care of the dolt who lay wasting himself away outside or in his room. Vash knew it wasn't Alfred's fault and yet, the man was being utterly selfish into neglecting his morning duties and his share of the household activities.

The idiot even refrained himself from meeting his beautiful black mare, Midnight. In which he had spent so much time with; like a best-friend.

Speaking of friends, Vash felt ashamed to be _friends _with a sullen fool who had forgotten about him and Liechtenstein; who were living with him.

Staring down at his cool galoshes, the young man found himself in front of the entrance of Alfred's home. A sigh escaped his chapped lips as he removed his gloves, and lightly twisted the knob open to find an intake of warm air coming from the inside.

"Vash, is that you?" His sister's voice called out from the most inner parts of the rackety abode. She had stepped up, holding a dish rag while peeking from the corner of the kitchen's entrance. "Oh, good. Alfred is in the back yard, if you want to know." She replied with an awkwardly cheery disposition. He nodded absentmindedly, and pointed out at the hunt he had captured.

"Is it alright if you skin the deer this time?" Liechtenstein replied softly, knowing that her brother was very much tired; but Alfred was too exhausted himself from even bothering to finish a chore.

As of late he could tell his sister was plagued by a sudden depression, probably caused by that idiot, Alfred. He stares at her silently as she retreats back into the kitchen probably cooking a vegetable stew.

His sister was suffering from the same depression Alfred had, and he could do nothing about it. She had suddenly turned from shy and bashful to an exhausted person; always slumping her shoulder and always gazing back at Alfred with reminiscence.

Like Alfred, she was beginning to also eat less and less. And everyday her small frame would become weaker and more fragile.

Vash's heart beats in random patterns as he stares at her figure retreating - and he clutches onto his heart as his mind begins to grow crazy.

Was he the only _sane_ one in this area? What could a simple man like Arthur Kirkland do to make his life grow so crazy?

His heart skips a beat, and he blinks his eyes once more. A malignant glint in his eyes reappears.

Trying to ignore the pain, he grunts, and leaves from the way he came in, and drags the animal around to the back where he is to skin it.

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Coming around from the other side, he eyes the man who has been making his sister's heart break. Alfred is sitting outside on a rocking chair while gazing at the farthest corner of the sky; staring at it with a hopeful gleam in his blue pools.

Vash is silent as he marches into the shed to begin to skin the creature he had caught.

He eyes Alfred with the same malignant stare he had given the buck prior.


	24. A Flock of Ravens

**Losing Grace **

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Twenty Four: **A Flock of Ravens

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**Author's Notes: **Well, I guess, this is the most…eventful chapter in the whole story. But it certainly is _not_ the last surprising one. I guarantee you. Please, _**Read & Review!!**_ I'd like to know how this story is progressing. And I hope you still keep in tuned to my updates. This is the 2nd to Last Chapter.

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They had stormed out of the London airport and marched through to their exit; aware of the multitude of eyes following their figures.

If there was any day that frightened Arthur the most; today was the day. He was practically shivering at the thought of seeing Alfred's beautiful face again, and was in complete contemplation throughout the trip.

Francis; thank God (although he would never admit that aloud), had become his salvation despite their horrible relationship and was seated next to him and Matthew on the plane. For the whole ride, the Frenchman's hand had been on his own as if to assure him everything would be alright after all the trauma he had been through. And by God, he hoped everything would be alright. He had suffered so much needless pain just because of Alfred…

His only hope was to see Alfred again.

Matthew sat in his own seat, staring outside of the plane's window and gazing bored into the clouds hovering close to them. He was biting his lower lip, and drawing out his own blood without notice. After a while, when Arthur was preoccupying his mind with what to say to Alfred; he could steal a glance of Francis who was talking quite animatedly at Matthew in his mother language.

It had never occurred to him how similar the two were.

"Ah, but once your brother and this _idiot_ makes up again - I'd love to take you out on a date~" The blonde French smiled almost too comfortably at the American who gazed at him with a small fancy. Arthur couldn't help but smile as the two interacted with one another. He hoped that he and Alfred would be like this again, and closed his eyes to relax.

The trip to New York hadn't taken too long, much to Arthur's chagrin. He was still trying to figure out the words to sputter, but his brain remained empty with nothing but images of Alfred's glowing blue eyes.

He _always_ loved Alfred's eyes. They were the color of the endless sky and ocean. They were glowing; happy, and emotional something that was rarely found among others. They were so clear and horribly beautiful whenever he looked into them he could feel himself lured by the power Alfred had on his heart.

They got off the airport rather easily; especially since almost _no one_ in the United States have heard about his role, job, etc. He was practically a normal person in this new world, and he felt a little bit happy to get some privacy.

Francis and Matthew were currently at the luggage holding area, and were pulling out the baggage quite quickly while joking with another in honey-coated voices.

"Oh you will obviously _love_ France when you come to visit!" The gentleman was eyeing the young man who was staring out for Arthur's bags. Matthew seemed a little bit hesitant with him, but only nodded to demonstrate his great listening skills. Arthur's heart beat more rapidly.

How slow could these two get?

"Ah, I think we are angering the grumpy man." Francis ended his conversation with Matthew as they began to carry their things with ease.

"Well, It's not like _you_ have any important thing to do _here_." Arthur spat back getting back into his normal argumentative mood; something the two have not seen in a while. Francis only smiled for his reaction while Matthew happily followed alongside the older men who were now at ease.

They had caught a Taxi's attention immediately and were now on their way to the faraway countryside. Arthur found both Francis and Matthew's hands on his own shaking one. He was getting even more anxious by what the two could tell; and was reduced to complete silence as they traveled on the familiar, long and bumpy road.

He remembered his first thoughts when Matthew was driving him to his farm the first time. How much he doubted the comfort the American was going to give him and how irritated he was to sit in a poor car and feel how long and bumpy the road was. It was embarrassing to admit how much he hated the feeling of coming along with Matthew the first time. But now, he honestly felt that the farm, and this long and bumpy road was a part of his home.

"So, what is it like over at your place?" Francis asked out of the blue as the two stared at the sceneries with melancholy. He was obviously feeling left out, and wanted to converse with the timid American; also obviously interested in him.

"Well, it's quite…small, but it's very humble." Matthew replied shortly while letting out a gasp from under his breath. Arthur nodded in agreement as he cupped his chin with an open palm.

His heart was beating faster every minute they got closer.

His heart only started churning when the Taxi had arrived not at all close to the farm; but nonetheless the big old house was still visible from their perspectives.

"I'm sorry guys. Something must be wrong with the engine." The taxi driver muttered as all four got out to look at the fields Arthur and Alfred used to harvest things in and definitely play in. He remembered how much it pacified him. How much whenever he and Alfred joined together in the field; how much happy he was to be there.

The fields were still glossed with some leftover frost from the Winter, but it still retained it's healthy, golden glow. The place hadn't changed at all, and his heart rate began to pick up again.

"Don't worry, we'll just leave from here." Matthew replied sheepishly and began to pay the driver despite poor service.

"Thank you, I hope you find whatever you're looking for." The man let out an old, crooked smile, as he began to call his company and inform of what happened to his vehicle.

Francis and Matthew got out their luggage and began to drag the loads into the road despite Arthur's rants.

He stopped though. Halfway to the farm at least. His eyes had suddenly caught attention to the one person he was looking for.

It had been so long, that Alfred's physical appearance overwhelmed him. His heart was flooded with so much conflicting emotions; but in the end it resulted into a brief cry of relief. Francis and Matthew stared at the Briton who was now entering the fields Alfred stood upon.

The young American was in the middle of the pasture, thoughtlessly staring at the sky while muttering something under his ragged breath. His eyes were pointed upwards, nevertheless, and to Arthur he seemed as if he was not looking at the clouds at all.

"Alfred!" He called out, his courage lighting up as he mentioned the man's name and the said man turned his head gently to see him.

The wind was blowing his strands of golden hair, and his sapphire eyes…Those same beautiful, blue eyes gazed at him with disbelief but in a flash relief was written in his very own eyes. "A-Arthur…" He whispered softly, staring at the young man who was now walking towards him cautiously as if he were a ghost.

"…I-I…" Both were at a loss of words as they stood before one another with heated, scarlet faces. Arthur gripped onto his heart tightly as he stared at the other man with a blush escaping his face.

"Alfred…I wanted to see you again." The Briton finally admitted, tears peaking up from the corner of his eyes as he began to walk towards the American.

Arthur didn't know how much Alfred had suffered. He didn't know how much Alfred had missed him, and how much everyday the young American yearned for him.

To see the Briton right in front of his eyes caused his voice to crack, and his eyes to begin holding tears as he came closer to the Briton who had almost run away from.

And yet, his heart was still aching as if there was something left undone.

"Arthur…why…are you here?" He croaked, but a smile; gentle and sweet approached his face as he came closer to the Briton who was biting his lower lip in the same shyness he was plagued with for the moment. "I thought you wanted to forget about me." He murmured quietly while stroking the Briton's blonde hair with fondness. Arthur gazed at him sheepishly and took his hands in his own.

"I never said the sort." He lied, fully remembering his tantrum thrown at Kiku after he and Alfred broke that particularly awful day off. "I…I still love you." He whispered, his voice unusually timid. "I still thought about you everyday - I still wanted to be with you despite everything else." He croaked, and Alfred's beautiful blue eyes blinked at him with the same relief he had shown earlier. "I missed you." The Briton sobbed. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Arthur." Was his firm reply as he braced the man into a powerful hug. Arthur clutched onto his chest tightly signifying his will to never let go. "I missed you too."

It seemed tranquil as the two men remained there all alone. They were in their own thoughtful reveries leaving out the other two men who had helped them out through their horrible obstacles. The kissed one another tentatively and greedily as they latched onto their waists with heart rendering want.

Indeed, they almost forgot about the two who had helped them out.

"How long do you think they are going to behave this way?" Francis rolled his eyes as he playfully nudged Matthew into the ribs, gently. "An hour or two?" He bemused while whistling out his thoughts.

"It's better than seeing them tear themselves apart, I would have to say." The young American replied wisely as he clutched onto his suitcase with admiration. "It has been along time since I had seen both of them this happy." He whispered in happiness as his violet eyes shone with some sort of prideful tone.

"Indeed, much better than the two tearing their hearts out." The Frenchman concluded and let out a sigh.

It was getting horribly cold out here. And why the hell were they standing outside when there was a place to do all the same things inside?

"Hello, can we get inside the house, _oui?_ We are freezing out here." Francis reminded the lovebirds as they stood still in the meadows murmuring affectionate words to one another. He blew into his hands demonstrating the cold air, showing how cold the two leftovers were.

Alfred and Arthur chuckled as they agreed to enter the abode. Matthew and Francis let out a sigh of relief as they began to haul their items over.

"No. I believe you can stay out here for all I care." A harsh voice replied with a dip of sarcasm and all heads turned around.

"Vash…what are you saying?" Matthew whispered softly gazing at his childhood friend who seemed angered. Behind him was Liechtenstein who had witnessed the beautiful and heartbreaking reunion and was reduced to overpowering tears as she clutched onto her brother's torso with fear. "Certainly your parents had never taught you about manners, have they?" The young American reminded the other farms man who gazed at him with unknown contempt.

"Shut the hell up." He barked viciously. "It's no use." He concluded, causing all heads to stare at him in bewilder. "You." His eyes glared at Arthur who was holding onto Alfred with terror written all over his face. "Let go of him." He ordered, and yet, everything the two went through Arthur would _not_ let go of Alfred. No matter what.

"Vash, please…stop being so cynical." Matthew pleaded as everyone was reduced to silence by the man's behavior.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" He screamed, reawakening the silence once more. "I'll say this one more time. YOU, _Arthur Kirkland_, let go of **him**." He whispered darkly, pointing at the two blonds who were holding onto one another steadfastly.

"Vash…please." His sister was trying to negotiate with him as well, but her disheartened expression only flared his confidence even more.

"I said _get away from him!_" He pointed a gun dangerously at Arthur and now everyone's attention was caught.

"Now, let's be calm." Francis reasoned as they stared at the crazy fool. "Everyone came here to celebrate a reunion, we wouldn't like that, non?" The Frenchman pleaded as he let go of Matthew quietly and began to step forward towards his best man.

"I said, **shut the hell up**." Vash whispered, his eyes casting the same malignant glare he had given Alfred not too long ago.

Alfred seemed to have closed his eyes, and let go of Arthur at this time. The man had come to a sudden realization, and his body had grown limp from exhaustion and ultimate understanding of the whole situation.

Arthur didn't know what he was doing. But he remembered himself thinking how much he went through to be with Alfred again; and he certainly remembered how angry he was being interrupted by that daft, cynical man. He didn't know what he was doing, but he found himself running ready to throw himself out the fool who was threatening the one he loved, and the ones who had believed in him and Alfred.

He didn't know what was going through his head; he did remember though how quiet everything had got despite everyone's mouth opening; and especially despite Alfred's constant movement to protect him.

He didn't know what he was doing…and he obviously didn't know what was going to happen.

Everything ended though so fast; despite the hours it may have seemed to run up to Vash. He remembered how Liechtenstein was holding her brother tightly from the back, how much her tears were falling on the floor; and how angry and evil the young man looked as he lifted his gun.

He didn't remember what he was doing, and he obviously didn't know what was going to happen next.

His body stopped though once Vash closed his eyes, pulled the trigger and committed the shot. All he remembered seeing after the shot was made, was a silver tear drop falling onto the silver metal of the rifle.

At first he closed his eyes, in fear of feeling the pain, and seeing his blood fall. He could feel his heart racking up in different levels and beats; and how much his mouth quivered and yelled out in pain as if _he_ were the one who had a hole through his chest.

He fluttered his eyes open after the confusion, and stared at both Vash and Liechtenstein who stared in dreadfulness. Their mouths hanging into a perfect "o" as they both fell onto their knees in unison. More tears begun to pour out, and a horribly cry, but Arthur could not hear it. It was a painfully, slow moment, and as the two continued to stare behind him with screeching voices; he turned around albeit to his displeasure.

Alfred stood in the middle of glowing fields, staring at the two with confusion as well. He stared, absentmindedly, gazing back at the blue skies chanting the same thing he had been chanting all after Arthur had left him. His white clothed torso was covered in a crimson color, bearing a hole in his chest as he stared at the clouds with his foggy glasses.

Arthur didn't know what was going to happen, and as he found the man he loved gazing at him; staring at the clouds above him, bearing a hole his traitorous friend had gave him; he felt his heart stop.

"_I'm going to hell_." Alfred's chant had finished, and the young man fell into the heavenly, golden meadow; motionless.

Francis and Matthew were running in panic, and had dropped the luggage into a pile of rubble while heading towards the fields. Arthur stared, neglectfully at the field with surprise. The two men were now heaving the body up and shouting orders. He was frozen still, and could do nothing.

Francis was pointing and shouting, taking his lead as usual, while Matthew was running in a flurry of tears.

He was still frozen.

So this is what happened.

A flock of ravens were pouring out of the meadow after the shot rang throughout the beautiful sky, and as the birds took their place in the heavens, ubiquitously, the blue sky seemed to have darkened with the dark tints of their wings.

The sun was setting and the sky was reduced to a bloodshot glow; filled with nothing but clouds and the ravens' black feathers.


	25. Broken Spell

**Losing Grace**

By _Ryukansen_

**Chapter Twenty Five: **Broken Spell

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**Author's Notes: **I lied. I'm so sorry, apparently I can't count. The second to last chapter is the _next_ chapter - which is the _**main epilogue**_. _**Reviews anyone?**_

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It had been so very long. So very long, indeed. He almost waltzed into the room in happiness after hearing who his patient was, and took no time to get to the hospital after the sudden calling.

He had to admit, it was perfect timing after Wang had gave him his clinic- and he knew how very awkward it may have seemed to his Nurses after he had entered in with a soft smile gracing his lips. He almost seemed sane in the eyes of his co-workers.

But in truth he was very unstable inside; too caught up to his feelings as he begun to twist the golden knob that lead to Alfred.

"Who's in that room, anyways?" Toris asked as Ivan slid towards the patients room with alertness and obvious nervousness. Feliks flipped his hair in the process of explaining and informs him some "Alfred F. Jones" was currently occupying the area, and seemed to be Ivan's eye of fancy. "What happened to him?" The brunette asked the light blonde, who was staring at himself in the mirror.

"Heard he got shot; said it was an accident." He replied nonchalantly, but a soft glimmer of empathy flooded his usual uncaring gaze. "I pity him. It's obvious to everyone it wasn't an accident especially with all those nail markings engraved on his flesh." He murmured while batting his lashes and turning towards the room Alfred was in. Toris let out a sigh ; there were so many accidents today.

"Well, I suppose it's my and Taiwan's turn to take care for this patient, correct?" The brunette sighed while taking a clipboard and gathering up a few blank sheets, and a nice black fountain pen. Feliks nodded solemnly as he helped gather some equipment and called for Alfred's meal through phone.

"His dish will be up in a couple of minutes." The blonde replied while tossing his hair and looking at his nails with careful perception.

Meanwhile as Toris begun to trudge along with his grayish cart, he had managed to find Taiwan peaking through the patient's room. Her face was rather sour, and a big frown was plastered onto her pallid face as she batted her eyelashes in concern. "Taiwan…are you alright?" She head Toris' voice call out from the end of the corridor. He was slowly moving towards her, as he struggled to push the heavy cart towards the end of the hallway.

"Y-Yes, I'm fine." Her voice betrayed her sweet smile and she seemed almost as if she was going to cry.

"What's wrong?" The other Nurse asked, staring at the silver plated numbers on the patient's room and scribbling it down in his spreadsheet. Taiwan bit her lower lip as she stared back into the room and had to register who the patient was.

"The patient…I know him." She whispered staring into Toris' hazel-green orbs. At first the other nurse was surprised, but the Lithuanian's shocked expression slowly melted into one of complete understanding.

"Ah, well…it's bound to happen to some people." He replied rather pessimistically and clipped the fountain pen in the clipboard's clamp. The young girl sighed and nodded in agreement.

"It's just…he's been through so much, and now for him to be caught in a random skirmish? The only one wounded, too! It's just too much." She replied, her voice aching as she attempted to peer back into the slit of the doorway. Toris clapped his hand on her shoulder and let out a reassuring smile, his fragile strength was slowly steering her away from the door.

"At least, he knows he's in good care." His eyes were smiling, and his lips were that much more graceful than before.

She would have been smiling as well if it weren't for Ivan's sudden calling.

Ivan's voice always had a strange effect on his nurses. How much it pained them to hear his cold, soft vocals and yet how tempting it was to listen to.

Taiwan and Toris were currently outside the doorway, and they were too loud and clumsy for him _not _to notice their presence, and so he called for them with a quiet, demanding voice.

The two assistants entered with fragile, breaking smiles as they found their doctor sitting on a stool _very_ close to the patient who was quiet all the time and held no smile of his own.

Apparently Ivan didn't need any of their help, but as soon as they entered, the room's atmosphere got even more thickly coated with some evil. Ivan seemed upset; disappointed, and even afraid as he clutched tightly onto the patient's golden tanned hands. "Alfred…do you remember me?" The Russian asked as he stared tenderly at the patient who refused to look up into his gaze.

A curt nod, but no other reply came from the other man.

"Very good, can you look at me please while I check you up?" Ivan asked quietly, biting his lower lip as he eyed the blonde with glimmering velvet eyes.

Taiwan could see how lecherous his stares were at Alfred and something seemed to be unsettling in the pit of her stomach whenever her doctor gazed at the young man with an open tenderness. Ivan began to check all about Alfred's sculpture and seemed to be enjoying himself as he touched the said man's soft, plump flesh and dangled around with his golden hair.

Taiwan understood how intimate Ivan was getting with Alfred, but said nothing as she eyed the two in their morning check up.

"You are getting healthier." The Russian quipped immediately with a strange friendliness none of the nurse's would have dreamed to see. Alfred slightly nodded his head, and looked away - his blue eyes darting outside the window into the pasture.

He had been like this all day long. He was intentionally muting himself from the world as he crossed his arms in defense and buried his head against his thin shoulders. Taiwan couldn't help but see how miserable he truly was. How his blue sapphire eyes always drooped down to the lowest part of the room, and how his mouth always hung in remorse when he opened it to breathe or lick his chapped lips.

He was just like the other patients; a pure emotion of misery.

As she continued to take care of the young American, and attempt in bandaging his chest all over again, Ivan excused himself momentarily. He seemed a bit off as of late ever since tending to Alfred, and was probably off to get a hot cup of coffee or green tea to calm his nerves.

Alfred was their first patient in the area, but nonetheless, he seemed to embody the whole feeling of dread as he sat slumped in his bed staring out at the blue, endless sky.

He was absolutely, just like any other patient.

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He never expected to have reunited with Alfred in such a twisted manner of events; and yet, despite his luck, the moment he had stepped into that room he could see _his_ Alfred had changed.

He was expecting a sun shining greeting with wide-opened arms, and a grin, but as soon as he took one peek at his interest, it proved to be something else.

Instead of that heartwarming welcome Alfred would always give him, he was greeted with silence and a totally new atmosphere swelled inside the patient's room.

It was dark and cold; it was just the same as every other patient he had had to meet, and yet, this time it was frighteningly more pessimistic.

Alfred's alluring blue eyes were washed away with a new rainy gray color, and his hair was still golden but not as lively as it should have been. Instead of the smile he was seeking for the young man was reduced to nothing but frowns, and Ivan could have sworn his heart nearly skipped a beat as soon as he saw the changed being.

It wasn't possible though! Of course it wasn't! _His_ Alfred couldn't simply change. After all, God had given him Alfred. Alfred was his savior from the pain in having to meet those wretched beings; and now…is _this_ Alfred's true nature? He could not simply accept that! No, he will not.

What happened to the jovial child who would always greet him despite the hardships? What happened to the _strong_ boy who had caused him so much happiness? Why should he accept that Alfred has changed, when he can simply force the man back into what he should be?

The doctor sighed as he paced back and forth in the middle of the hallway. He was enraged. Absolutely furious.

He was growing crazy just to realize that Alfred was not the same! He grounded his teeth together, rolled his eyes, and pulled his hair as he thought hard of what to do. How to save Alfred F. Jones from his own destruction? The young doctor hyperventilated numerous times in quick intervals as he slumped on the floor and buried his silver mane in between his arms.

How could he save this wretched soul from hell? How could he make Alfred realize his feelings? He had no idea…and yet, his hands itched. His hands itched to run his whole being into the patient. He wanted to rip the man apart; just like the other patients that had caused him so much pain.

He was disgusting to look at. But…no worries, Ivan conjectured, he would soon make Alfred beautiful again.

Standing up from his slumped position, and patting his clothing he was going to purchase coffee from the local vender, but stopped halfway through the hallway upon seeing Feliks pushing a cart of meals in absolute distaste.

His hands twitched as he caught a glimpse of the silver platters in the young man's grasp, and his sour frown suddenly uplifted into a brilliant smile. "Ah, Feliks, you have been working so hard. Let me take over, da?" He asked with a hidden agenda, and took the cart away from the man.

"Ah…well, if you want, but like…give me back the cart so I can give it to the ground floor." The Nurse exclaimed after him as he disappeared through the end of the hallway.

Ivan's hands were shaking with ecstasy as soon as he uncovered the meal. In it was a perfectly planned dish consisting of vegetables, poultry, and sweet rolls. Beside the dish Feliks had managed to write down that dessert would soon come on it's way, and Ivan could not with hold any more of his freakish smile.

But, the food was not part of his plan. Of course not. Who could do anything with this food, but to choke the poor fool? No. He was not aiming at the delicious meal. He was aiming for something more appetizing. More appealing.

So as soon as he skipped practically towards the American's room, he had commanded for both Taiwan and Toris to leave the room immediately. They did as they were told much to his pleasure and now it was just him and the poor, disgraceful man.

"You don't look so well, da?" The doctor asked a little bit quickly, his voice was desperate and was cracking as he begun to push the cart into the area. Alfred said nothing, and clutched onto his white sheets without a care. "Do you know what I liked about you, Alfred?" Ivan asked, leaning closely to the American's face as he licked his lips in satisfaction.

"…I liked how you always came and smiled at me whenever you came to visit." He whispered and started biting the other man's lower lips in abuse. Alfred did nothing, and remained still; however, he seemed panicked at what the doctor was going to do next.

After all, Ivan was always unpredictable.

"But you know…you are pretty ugly these days. Did you know that?" The doctor asked, his violet eyes scanning him for any emotions; and he leaned closely towards the American and let out a chuckle. "You have become an ugly swan." He murmured, hissing. "I liked the duckling better."

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"Arthur, everything's going to be alright, ok?" Francis and Matthew both were reassuring him as they patted his back with comfort and bit their own lips with fear of the injured. "The doctor came and said everything was fine, and it'll be just a couple of more seconds till you see him." Francis added, making Arthur nod in fright as he gazed terrifyingly at the entrance to the patients corridor.

It had been well over an hour since Alfred's admittance to the hospital, and he had heard nothing but the doctor's happy reassurance that Alfred would be perfectly fine if he was in the appropriate care. Well, they should hurry up - because everyone knew Arthur was the best of care Alfred could ever receive, and just the plain silence of the whole hospital was making him jitter in annoyance.

Matthew was biting his sleeve, staring at the clock, counting the seconds that had passed by while fumbling with his phone in the other hand. He had just been texting to Kiku, much to Arthur's demands since the British man couldn't even text the poor manager himself, and was fidgeting inappropriately in his stool. Francis all the meanwhile was trying to calm him down.

"Remember, the doctor said he was fine. Just extreme blood loss, but everything else should be fine." The Frenchman murmured softly while rubbing the American's hands gently against his own.

They squeezed their hands tightly as they awaited for their messenger, and yet as the clock ticked by nothing seemed to be going on.

A couple of nurses would walk here and there, but none would come back to talk to them. They were all in their own minds, chattering about gossip or something stupid. Arthur just wanted to know Alfred's current condition! That's all he wanted to know.

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Ivan was hovering slightly on top of Alfred who seemed to be pressing himself hard against his uncomfortable mattress. The two locked eyes on one another; one incredibly insane while the other had simply given up everything in the world. "You disappoint me." The Russian whispered in his thick accent as he clutched softly onto a strand of golden hair. He inhaled the scent of lavender, and he smiled bitterly as he reached his hands out to the cart and pulled out a gleam of a silver object, quickly.

"But don't worry….I'll make you happy and beautiful again." He replied and touched their foreheads together.

Alfred was rendered speechless at the man's behavior, but nonetheless, gave no reaction whatsoever. He just blinked nonchalantly, challenging the poor doctor to do his worse.

And to Ivan, the worse would come immediately.

"What is making you so sad, my poor flower?" He whispered in the patient's ear as he gazed at the man's body with a pained expression. Alfred batted his eyelashes with no words escaping his sweet mouth. "Is it your leg that pains you? During check up examinations, I found you limping." He whispered softly, and yet Alfred gave no response.

_What pains me? What pains me is how horribly, disgusting I am. What pains me is how selfish I am, how I thought I could have everything I wanted._

"I will fix it for you." He muttered darkly, and then a quick jolt ran through Alfred's body and suddenly pain reaped through his left leg. He could smell blood dripping, and as he stared at Ivan with wonder, the young man revealed a serrated-edged knife promptly stuck into his leg. "You're even more beautiful with the color red." He replied in amazement, and took the knife out slowly, tormenting the poor man.

_Please, let the red keep flowing…I don't deserve anyone. How could I be so stupid? How could I toss Liechtenstein away like that? How could I have ignored Vash's feelings? How could I have made my brother cry so many times? How could I have made Arthur cry so many times? How many times did I drag these people to me? How selfish am I? _

"And yet, you still seem so sad, you won't talk to me." The Russian replied and whipped his head around to face the American who was anticipating what he would do next. "What hurts you so much, Alfred?" The doctor asked slowly, but without any signs began to thrust the knife back and forth into so many other spots of Alfred's legs, thighs and even his arms.

"_What hurts is this painful existence…What hurts is how much hurt I have done to my friends and family…__**I'm not worthy to be with anyone**__."_

The American gasped in pain, and moaned in agony, and Ivan seemed to be displeased with the pessimistic noise. "You're really disgusting, did you know that?" He asked and gripped the young man's blonde hair in a fist. "But no worries, I will make you how you once were." He replied nonchalantly, and pointed the knife at Alfred's mouth - ready to slit it open to try and make it appear as if it were a smile.

"You will be **my **Alfred after this is over." The Russian whispered and brushed his lips against the American's lobe, but suddenly the door flung open with a distressed Toris and Taiwan.

"Code Stork! Didn't you hear it, Mr. Braginsky?!" Toris asked in panic, but stopped finding blood seep through the floor in a huge amount. Taiwan went screaming, and Toris just gazed in horror. Never in his life, had he seen so much blood.

"What's going on here?" Feliks asked, and stopped in his position as he found Ivan hovering over a pained Alfred. The poor American was breathing in a hoarse voice, and seething in pain as he attempted to close up his own wounds by covering the slits with the blanket in order to stop the profuse bleeding.

"I-Ivan, what did you do?" Toris was attempting to retrieve the knife from Ivan's hand but nearly got cut in the throat by the doctor's sudden movements. Feliks thrust himself upon the ogre, and took the knife with relative ease before dumping it in the trash can and dialing emergency numbers in the electronics patch against the wall.

Alfred was still moaning in agony as extra help came and pulled away the crazed doctor who seemed to be chanting on how ugly the patient was without his smile. Alfred crunched in his place, and let out heavy breaths.

It was not until Arthur and the others arrived with sheer impatience that they found the poor man suffering from numerous wounds.

"W-What the hell happened?" The Briton called out, and rushed towards his lover's side as he clutched onto Alfred's hand trying to calm the poor man down. "Alfred, Alfred, calm down. We're here." Arthur cooed, and yet the American would not listen. The poor man kept on crying in agony.

"D-Don't worry, we have called a backup doctor to take up Mr. Braginsky's place." Toris sputtered while fumbling with the bandages and aiding the poor patient with as much help as he could give. Feliks ran off to find any more comforts and pillows to make Alfred feel a little more comfortable while Taiwan stood in the same shock she had shown earlier.

"What happened?" A stern voice replied, and both nurses turned around to find Alfred's angry twin: flushed face and all with tears spouting from the corner of his violet eyes.

Francis was pulling the poor man away from doing anything rash to the Nurses, but Matthew's mind was growing crazy from all the past interaction Alfred dealt with and couldn't seem to think straight.

The poor American wanted his brother to be healthy and happy, and now the man was given this? Another couple of stabs in his body? Why? Why was it always _him_? Tears rushed down his face as he demanded an explanation and yet the nurses had no other excuse to give him.

How could they hire such a demented man for such a high and respectable position? How? He was crying, and so he could not muster out the words with his failing strength. Alfred had just fallen asleep; or one could say Alfred had just slightly begun to rest albeit his ragged breathing.

The three men were now sitting down next to the patient while the nurses begun to go with their daily business and try to handle the media going from downstairs.

"I don't understand, why it's always _him_." Matthew suddenly piped up as he used a Kleenex to wipe his tears away. Francis put an arm around the poor American who looked as if he were going to sob again, but he proved the man wrong as he sniffed a couple of times and gazed intently at his brother's figure.

Arthur was the problem though. The Briton was all over the room, staring at every angle at Alfred with all his might as if the American would wake up if he did it. "Come on Alfred, please, wake up?" The young man pleaded, and yet the American took his time in sleeping.

"It's best for him to sleep after all the tensions he had gone through, aru." The voice was familiar and all heads whipped around to find the replacement doctor. "I had a sudden call from my sister." He whispered quietly and sat down on an empty stool gazing at Alfred with pure sympathy. "I'd never expected to see him in _this_ state." The oriental doctor whispered solemnly and gently glided his fingers on Alfred's knuckles. Arthur could tell how serious and gentle Wang was with Alfred, and allowed the man to touch him despite his irritation.

"So…how did he get a bullet in his chest?" Wang asked immediately after eying Alfred's body with a pained face. His brows furrowed in distaste as Matthew begun to spin lies much to his own chagrin, but Alfred explicitly stated that he wanted none of his friends and family to be put in harm (meaning in other terms: jail).

"You think I'd believe that lie, aru?" The doctor grumbled and plopped a pill down his own mouth from avoiding the impending headache was going to get from all the talking going downstairs with the media. "I have known you for years with Kiku and Taiwan. Don't take my friendship so lightly." He snapped and glared at all three men who looked ashamed.

"Vash shot him." Arthur piped up seconds after and looked at the marble floor with shame. "He shot him out of his love for his sister." He corrected while shuffling his fingers together against Alfred's arms.

Wang stared at the interaction between the two and frowned while gazing back at his patient with a calm demeanor.

"And I suppose all these wounds came from Ivan Braginsky, himself?" The doctor pointed out at all the bandaged up areas with horror thread into his voice. All three nodded. "My god." He replied with a heightened interest.

There was something about Wang that made everyone calm down. He was a perfect doctor for these stressed men, and was an essential factor in keeping everyone sane. Arthur was feeling relieved as Alfred's heart monitor started showing signs of improvement, and seemed to be taking things quite easily after a couple of minutes with Wang. Francis was already comfortable with the doctor, and Matthew was alright.

There was one thing that bothered Matthew about Wang. It wasn't that he didn't trust him, but there was a sadness that lingered in the man's chestnut eyes whenever he spoke - and Matthew knew it had nothing to do about Alfred…

He was about to ask Wang a question about the whereabouts of Hong Kong, after finally remembering the lad's name, but Alfred had awoken up; fluttering his eyes open with a sense of confusion.

"Alfred, can you hear me?" Wang replied craning over the American; his face inches close. Alfred nodded slowly, and gazed at everyone in his room. The light in his eyes seemed to have faded after landing his eyes on Arthur. "Good. I want you to sit up, and remove your mask carefully, alright?" The doctor replied slowly and sweetly as he gazed at the patient with patience. The other three did as well.

"…Wang…I-I need to talk to…" Alfred's voice cracked as he stared at Arthur with remorse. "I-I…"

"Calm down." The Chinese muttered with boredom. "I understand, Jones." He sighed and walked out of the room to leave everyone in their moment.

Arthur quickly dashed towards America's side and clasped his hands on Alfred's while showing expressions of relief. "I'm so glad that you're ok! I was so worried -"

"…Arthur…" Alfred whispered darkly, glaring at the said man intentionally with intimidation. " After getting shot by Vash. I was reminded something." He whispered pulling his eyes away from the man. It was too painful to glare at Arthur. He loved him so much…and yet, there was dread marked up all over his heart and mind. "I was reminded something that I should have been holding onto long ago." He whispered.

Arthur gazed in confusion, his tears seemed to have halted, and he got up to look at Alfred straight in the eye. His mouth quivering as he tries to cup Alfred's cheeks within his own grasp. Matthew stands up, in understanding and is about to protest but Francis immediately stops the younger twin by clamping his hand over the man's mouth.

"I was reminded of how much I should be blessed to be with you…." He begun positively while gazing away from Arthur's forest-green eyes. "And yet I was also reminded that…" He had a battle of coughs. " I can not be with you." He whispered, regretfully while closing his eyes.

Arthur was silent. _What?_

"I can never be happy, Arthur." Alfred continued. "It's not just you…it's everyone." The man whispered while bowing his head down. "I can't be happy at all, with anyone." He whispered, staring away from the crowd out into the blue.

Arthur wanted to cry, yell, protest, _anything_ but his mouth was clamped shut.

"Because if I'm happy, someone else is sad." He admitted, and closed his eyes - his voice croaked in fear and pain as he clutched onto his chest with shaking hands. "It's not fair." He reasoned. "It's not fair. With my selfishness I have caused both you and Liechtenstein along with Vash the most pain." The American cried while forcing himself to look up at the Briton who was unknowingly shedding tears himself.

"What are you saying?" Arthur asked strongly. His own hands were quivering in fear.

"I love you Arthur, and yet…" Alfred cups Arthur's cheeks with a soft smile gracing his lips. He kisses the bridge of his nose, and showers more kisses to the tip of his lips. "And yet, I am so selfish, I do not deserve any of you." He conjectured and removed his hands away from Arthur's cheeks.

This was the last time Arthur felt the warmth of Alfred's fingertips.


	26. Final Chapter: Their Heaven

**Losing Grace **

By _Ryukansen_

**Final Chapter: **Their Heaven

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**Author's Note: **I think I frightened some people, needlessly, so I'm very sorry! This chapter is all about the results of the whole story. Well, here's the last chapter of _Losing Grace_, and I hope you guys enjoyed it! _**Read and Review, please? **_

**ALSO**: For those who enjoyed this story, I'm happy to announce I'll be making another story of the same couple named _Beyond Our Sight_. I hope you read it as well!

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**Five Years Later**

The weather was cold and harsh. Rain clouds covered the usual bright sky, and the flimsy newborn trees and brushes were bending almost everywhere from the violent winds.

A storm was ready to approach, and yet he still sat outside staring out at the wilderness in front of him. He was absolutely still all the while trying to feel alive again. He inhaled gently, and exhaled, touching his chest to feel the beat of his heart.

"Time to come inside, now." A girl with raven locks and wearing a homely dress, came from inside of his house and stared at him with a rather sympathetic smile. "Here, let me help." Taiwan replied as she unlocked his wheel chair and slowly and steadily pulled him into his abode.

He lay quiet as she pushed his chair into a corner of the living room, turning the radio off, since a storm was ready to come, and walking swiftly into the kitchen. "I'm almost done with your dinner, Alfred, so you can just do whatever you want for the time being." Her smile was fragile as she gazed at the quiet man. "You like hamburgers, right?" She asked, finding herself speak a one person conversation.

"Yes…" He murmured quietly out of politeness, as he nestled his head against the leather back of his chair. He closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples with the back of his right hand. A headache was coming at him.

She quickly closed the door, all the while nodding, and left to make his meal.

Alfred, without nothing to do, continued to stare at huge glasses of forget-me-not bouquets. He stared at them heartwarmingly as he took one stem and stared at it with a delicate, father-like touch.

_Taiwan, after witnessing Ivan's torturous scheme on Alfred F. Jones, left the hospital and took over Wang's home clinic; then becoming Alfred's nurse maid. She has since been taking care of the young American with all her might and has been striving to become a good nurturer. Claiming her brother's small clinic has also since tightened her relationship with Wang._

Alfred felt an asthma attack going on again, and scooped up the inhaler in time to heal himself for that moment. He let out a defeated sigh, his eyes worn out and exhausted from deprivation of sleep, and slowly he set the equipment back down on the coffee table.

Lately he had been getting nightmares, but he could do nothing, finding himself too attached to his wheelchair or his bed. Groaning with absolutely nothing to do, the young American gave strange stares at the phone beside him with expectation, but knows no one is going to call.

After a couple of seconds, his eyes travel back to the flowers again in complete obsession, greedily staring at them with happiness shining in his eyes.

_Alfred, after leaving Arthur for his own belief of good to come, has since been confined to a wheelchair after Ivan's strange, maniacal attacks. He has been under constant care of Taiwan in the smallest branch of Wang's local hospital, but his body seems to have stopped giving him his required nutrition to keep his body healthy. Because of his body's poor health, Alfred had submitted into selling his farm; and only keeping his home. Alfred still dreams of Arthur in a hopeful light, but despite his hope Matthew has left him and both Vash and Liechtenstein departed without a word._

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"Stop playing around, aru! You're the directors of the hospital and yet you insist on joking about!" Wang scolded Feliks who was showing off his shiny new identification card and twirling around the chords of his stethoscope.

"Seriously I don't understand how _you_ became one of the directors." The doctor sighed as he put one leg up over his other knee, and snuggled his chin against his palm. He then began to scan the various equipment they needed to buy to supply the hospital.

_Wang Yao, ever since Ivan left from the hospital, taking his evil aura away from the place as well, has since been gaining good profit and has walked up the social ladder in the second-to highest position of the medical field. He is still a little bit sad of the outcome with him and his siblings; however, especially Hong Kong's leaving._

"Like, look - the only reason you don't have enough friends is because, like, you're always grumpy." Feliks pouted while mimicking one of Wang's facial expressions. He then proceeded to flounce his ID badge with the biggest confident smile he could muster.

Wang rolled his eyes in slight defeat as he watched the two directors interact with one another.

_Feliks, after Ivan's sudden departure, had taken over the Head Directing position after a dispute with the media and the previous director's poor judgment on the nutcase. He has since been treating his patients with care and, at times, strange friendliness. He has received many heartwarming congratulations and admirers since._

"You can't make Feliks behave like you want him to, trust me." Toris smiled gently as he gazed at the light blonde who was now talking to a group of family members awaiting for their brother to come out in one piece. "At least he is friendly though, right?" The Brunette smiled timidly as he gazed at an agitated Wang.

"I guess you're right." The doctor exclaimed, rubbing his temples with annoyance. "I guess you're right.

_After Ivan's sudden departure, Toris had been asked to be the co-director alongside Feliks, after a couple of arguments with the other doctors of the firm. Feliks was later allowed to claim Toris (the second most experienced nurse in the field) to become his right-hand man._

"Anyways, I heard you and Taiwan got back together in one peace." The brunette tried smiling, but Feliks was now irritating him by suggesting all the things he and Toris would do in the hospital together. Wang let out his own smile with a slight nod of the head. "That must be relieving."

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"Tch, stop smiling will you?" A police guard was shoving him inside a cozy, fluffy room while hitting him hard square against his back. He was growing absolutely tired of that awkward smile, but he knew not to judge the prisoner's (or lunatic's) expression too much.

"He'll stop smiling once he gets in there." His co-worker replied after opening the door with a twist of his brass key. The other police guard nodded in understanding as he shoved the albino inside with a brute force. "That soul has no chance in there." The other continued, and left him inside his own room. "_That place is too depressing to live through_."

_Ivan Braginsky after being charged by the hospital for a criminal offense, was later found guilty through court. He, however, was not sent to prison for the dozen years he had thought he would have to handle; but rather he was sentenced to an asylum to recuperate with his obscure mind. He has since not gained any improvement._

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"Wait, this is _what, _again?" Matthew asked fearfully as he untied his blindfold with complete horror. His lavender eyes traveled down towards his plate and found a beautiful dish of nicely cooked escargot flowered with different seasonings and several sauces. Francis let out a smile, but the other man did not feel all too well as he clutched onto his stomach.

"It's snail soaked in wine, _mon amour_." Francis addressed him, as he took a simple bite of his own plate with no effect. Matthew stared at it with awe. It _did_ taste good. Taking up a fork he took another bite of the dish, and seemed to accept and enjoy the flavor.

_Matthew, after Alfred set his mind to leave Arthur, left his brother and dropped out of college to live in France with Francis. Ultimately disconnecting any ties with Alfred. He had since been enjoying their European travels and had learned quite a lot. He has also stopped communicating with Alfred after his brother's stubbornness to accept Arthur into his life. Although, he does at times, looks at his phone in wonder._

"Ah, here let me help." Francis smiled delightfully as he took a napkin and gently dabbed Matthew's lips from the sauce threatening to fall onto his lacey shirt. The two let out secret smiles, and laughed as they enjoyed their bitter-sweet wine, hoping to drown their sorrows in it.

_After Alfred decided to remain independent without Arthur, Francis left with Matthew without any hesitation, but felt an urge to punch the other American in the face. He had since moved his host show into the center of Paris, France and has been enjoying his time with Matthew, his love. He still talks to Arthur, and keeps Alfred off topic, always._

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"Ne, Ne, Arthur so why did you decide to leave the entertainment business?" A flushed Veneziano asked as he gazed teary-eyed at the man who was sitting in front of him and the empty audience.

Arthur was wearing a beautiful, white trench coat and a matching flimsy cap. His dirty blonde hair was combed respectfully, and his posture was as calm and straight as ever. However, his sharp, penetrating aura was reduced to a gentle and calm atmosphere all the while his vibrant green eyes shone with a truthful sadness.

Veneziano had been respectful to him the last couple of months, and despite knowing his show's ratings would fall, he had confided with his manager, Ludwig, to make one last interview with the disgraceful, disappearing star. The young Italian wanted a few more words, as the cameras went rolling with ecstasy.

"I, well. I thought it was just time to quit." Arthur smiled rather sadly as he took his hat off and played with the ends of the designer cap. "I thought it would be best for me, with all the media trying to get on my back." He let out a strange laugh, but Veneziano could understand the man's pain.

_After Alfred had dismissed him from their last meeting, Arthur, regretfully and grudgingly left to go back to London, England; however, he was faced with many critical remarks and was the highlight of many media. This sudden flood of attention had quickly reached his peak - and in the month before his filming for Oxtenstierna and Vainamoinen's film "_Break Heart"_ he had resolved to quit the entertainment business much to Roderich and Elizaveta's chagrin. He has since been living by himself in a New York city near the countryside._

"Well, I trust your decision, that's all I want you to know, ne?" The Italian host placed his hands over Arthur's with reassurance. The Briton let out a bashful smile, and was glad to have known someone so sweet.

_After media splurged and feasted on Arthur's folly, Veneziano had the entertainment on it's toes when, in an angry outburst during his show, claimed that homosexuality was nothing wrong - and he, himself, was in a relationship with his manager. Much to Ludwig's embarrassment. His sudden outcry of a right for his kind, caused many stirs but in the end, forced all his audience and fans to realize. He has since become an active member in support for gays and lesbians._

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"Hey, did you finish capturing an image of the two?" Antonio asked as he gazed at the Briton and Italian who were enjoying a conversation on the stage with a hopeless audience.

"Tch, I don't think it's fair to meddle into _their _business anymore, you dumbass." Romano replied immediately as he tossed the camera back to the Spaniard who gazed at him quizzically. "Besides, how would you like it if the media came into _our_ relationship?" He pouted, and flushed a deep red as he looked away in embarrassment. Antonio frowned for a slight second, but smiled as he cuddled onto his lover.

_Romano and Antonio have switched their employers to a supportive magazine, feeling it the best way to show their own support, after Arthur and Veneziano's sudden claims in the media. They have since been taking a variety of pictures, and of course, supporting Veneziano's cause._

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"Hong Kong, you don't put those things there, how many times do I have to tell you this?" Kiku asked as he stared at the young man who was piling up a few sheets onto a glass-like table. "If you want this job then you have to follow my directions." The Japanese manager sighed as he helped him with his own set of sheets, and started walking towards the stage in a quick pace.

"Sorry, brother." The man bowed, and obediently followed as he toggled along with his white, crispy blankets.

_After Wang had blatantly shouted at him in anger that day, Hong Kong had fled towards the only person he looked up to rather than Wang: Kiku. With that, Kiku has been slowly, and patiently, been teaching Hong Kong the best way to become a good manager. The two still have small contact with Wang, but their relationship has yet to improve._

"Honestly, the person you will be working for is a tyrant." The Japanese replied with a sigh, feeling sympathetic for his youngest brother who was fresh in the entertainment business. "Your job will be exceptionally hard because of him." He added, making Hong Kong stare in nervously at the marble floor.

_After Arthur announced his career to an end, Kiku was left to be the personal manager of Roderich, himself. He has been contacting Arthur for some time, but the Briton still hasn't had the confidence to apologize to his friend for leaving him and his own dreams._

"Do you know who my employer is, brother?" Hong Kong asked timidly as he peered into the stage hoping to find a glimpse of the young man.

"He's right over there, in the center of the stage." Kiku replied amused, as he gazed at his brother's rare, flushed face.

In the center of the room there was a tall man, arguing with the heads, Roderich and Elizaveta. He was prominent in height, but his hair was a wild white and unsettling. His piercing red eyes seemed to dart around as he watched in horror after finding Elizaveta's famous pan ready to smash him in the face.

"That's _him?"_ The boy asked stoically, after realizing who he was going to have to tend for. Kiku nodded absentmindedly.

_After Arthur announced his sudden departure of the entertainment business, Roderich and Elizaveta both felt it was right for him to leave after experiencing so much trouble from the media. The two promised the young Briton they would do everything in their power to keep the media away from him; making Gilbert (the top media specialist) to promise in avoiding the Briton in anything unwanted. With that promise kept, Gilbert had also been promised to start his own series and has since been captivating the audience and further erasing Arthur's persona._

"He doesn't seem that bad at all." Hong Kong smirked, gazing at the man with a stoic interest.

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"Here's your martini, ma'am." A waiter approached her and handed her a glassful of colorful cocktail. The young woman sitting in the recliner, nodded appreciatively, and took it without any hesitation. Stirring her drink gently, she took a quick sip of the drink and felt the delightful sting of the beverage.

_After Arthur had deliberately announced their engagement off, and fled to live in New York, Seychelles' stardom only begun to rise in it's highest peak. She had been enjoying so much fame, until Francis had claimed his fancy with an American, and moved to Paris despite protests. Her heart has been broken twice, and because of the media, the young woman decided to travel for a while and go in hiding for the time being. Some media claimed to have spotted her, but many protests in the media have kept her hidden from any magazines or newspapers._

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"Brother, here, eat this, alright?" Liechtenstein asked softly as she handed him a meal out of respect and timidity. Vash took it from her hands gently, while he settled himself on the bench. They were outside, and enjoying the fresh air that the mountain area had to offer. It was a good place to keep the young man happy and sane, and free from any burdens. Although he still had guilt secured around his heart.

"Thank you." He murmured appreciatively and took a bite of his sandwich.

_The day after Alfred was sent to the hospital, Vash spent his time in utter turmoil and sadness. He had been under constant eyes of his peers, and after Alfred returned with fresh wounds, without a second thought, he had escaped to live somewhere else to calm his nerves down and offer apologies as prayers. He has since become more open and emotional, thanks to his whereabouts._

"It's not a problem." Liechtenstein smiled woefully as she took her brother's hands as they watched the scenery changing before their eyes. A hopeful blue sky lingered on despite the oncoming rain clouds.

_Despite Vash's constant effort to leave his sister behind with Alfred, Liechtenstein left to her own accord, with her brother, to annunciate her decision to stay with him. She visits Alfred every now and then with a small smile and baskets of goods the young American would always love, but she can not stop but let out a sad smile seeing his figure so broken._

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"Here you go!" Taiwan exclaimed proudly as she sent him one of his favorite dish's and placed it before his counter. She found the American staring at the bouquet of forget-me-nots fondly, but immediately he stared at the burger rather stoically. She knew how unemotional he could get and brushed it off. Sitting beside him, the young woman took a bite of her own food and gazed at his intense sky blue eyes. "You should eat you know?" She replied optimistically and took his burger ready to feed it to him. "Besides, your body isn't getting the proper nutrition it should be getting." She added with a pained expression, as he took small bites of the food.

"I'm sorry." The American murmured while gazing at the meal with a slight interest. "I'm just a little tired, that's all." He remarked, and managed a smile as he took a bite of the juicy meal. Taiwan nodded, and set the burger down while going towards the kitchen to grab some beverages for the both of them. Alfred continued to gobble up his burger with an endless hunger.

As the young woman trod towards the kitchen with a gleeful manner (it had been days since she heard Alfred speak), a frown escaped onto her face as she had to keep in mind how awful Alfred's life was beginning to be.

The young American was born in poverty and with a strange illness that prohibited his body to develop normally. His parents died at an early age and left him all alone with his younger brother. He had workloads to do especially with his brother who wanted to enter college, but in the end Matthew left and dropped out of the place with no words of coming back. Alfred found love long ago, but only found _true love_ years later. His love would destroy his _true love_, and he would still accept his fate.

She sighed, finding it hard to even accept any of those things that happened to him if it were her. Grabbing a glass of whisky she went where Alfred sat, still eating his hamburger with a secret joy. "Here you go!" She let out a feigned smile and poured only a little in his drink.

Alfred took it gratefully to wash away the aftertaste of Taiwan's strange burger.

"Feeling any better?" The young girl asked as she gazed at him fondly, and he turned to face her with intense blue eyes and a truthful smile.

"I think I'm finally getting a little better." He whispered, although the hard pitter patter of the rain droned out his soft voice only leaving her to see a heart broken smile instead of hopeful words.

The rays hovering above his head from the fluorescent lights truly made him look like a lost angel, and she couldn't help but quiver her lips in fear as she touched both of his cheeks with an uneasy tenderness. "You'll be alright." She assured him with determination. "I can feel it." She added.

After sudden minutes of pouring rain, the clouds began to part, and the winds suddenly grew gentler from it's strange whirling violence. Alfred blinked, as the bright blue begun to fill the color of the sky once more. Taiwan stared as well, as she held onto his wheelchair handle; her raven locks flew with the gentle tips of the wind's fingers.

Immediately as the went towards the porch, Alfred eyed the golden fields with a soft smile gracing his lips. The light blue sky wouldn't even make him this happy, from what he saw.

Under a hazy rainbow, and in the golden fields, stood Arthur smiling back at him, nervously and bashfully. Alfred continued to stare, as the Briton got closer and, the two found themselves inches apart.

Taiwan, out of respect, left inside the house to start washing the dishes, and leaving them by themselves.

The atmosphere was pleasantly calm, and the familiar song birds seemed to have perched onto the frosty branches of the oak trees hanging about. Warm green stared into melting blue, and without any second to lose, Arthur looked at Alfred lovingly.

"I'm…I'm sorry if I bothered you." He whispered, tears ready to sprout his eyes as he found the man he loved still confined to a wheelchair. Alfred let out a confident grin as he gazed at the healthy blond with fondness. "I just wanted to see you." He finished, his voice croaking with fear from rejection.

"….I wanted to see you too." Alfred whispered gently, sitting in his wheelchair in discomfiture. The Briton's eyes widened in shock as he gazed at the man before him. Alfred seemed almost lively again after seeing the Briton in his own presence. "I wanted to tell you that I still love you." He replied, and in a brief miraculous moment, the young man got up from his confinement and moved towards the Briton with confidence and a brimming smile.

"I still love you." He repeated, giving the other a warm embrace, before letting go and brushing the other man's tears away with soft, butterfly kisses.

Arthur felt his wet lips, and immediately started sobbing while holding onto the weak man's waist out of fear of letting go the third time.

Because of his sudden disappearance, and departure of the entertainment business, and because of his clandestine whereabouts Arthur had been secretly watching Alfred for the past years in comfort, sending him notes of anonymity through small bouquets of 'forget-me-nots.' Despite his efforts though, Alfred immediately understood who they had come from and settled the flowers down in a beautiful, glass vase.

Without the media to scold him, and without any fans or audiences to glare at him with distaste and repugnance, Arthur found himself free from any burden, and was content with it.

With Liechtenstein and his whole family leaving him, Alfred had no one to burden at all - no one to sadden, and no one to fill his heart.

They knew, that after everything left. After everyone's eyes darted away from them. They could be together. And the complete _disappearance _of Arthur Kirkland, and the _demise _of Alfred F. Jones, would their _perfect _heaven.

"Can I?" Alfred asked, as he sat on the edge of the porch's stand and lifted Arthur's chin up with delight. Arthur let out a glare, and a pout.

"Why can't you?" He asked amused as he cupped his face and taste his cherry lips in happiness. "I have been waiting for this for a long time." He added heatedly, as he pulled away from Alfred and kissed him fondly on the bottom of his lips.


End file.
